


Reaper Code

by Pastelideas



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Blood and Injury, Death, Explicit Language, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:46:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 69,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25866889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastelideas/pseuds/Pastelideas
Summary: In the aftermath of the Reaper War, Kaidan and Shepard live their post-war lives in happy comfort. Then they're called on a mission to help investigate a reaper signal found on an abandoned ship. Their easy investigation mission quickly goes south as old reaper tech pulls them into a world of danger, violence, and bad memories. It's up to Kaidan to find out what's going on and get him and Shepard home safe. Which would all be a lot easier if Shepard remembered him.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Shepard
Comments: 17
Kudos: 47





	1. A Day in Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> This entire fic is an excuse to write about my Shepard and Kaidan headcanons. That being said, the only things that are different from canon are that EDI, the geth, and Shepard all survive the end game. The rest is the same.  
> This chapters going to be a bit slow, but I promise there's a bigger plot at play.  
> I'll try to update this every Wednesday.  
> Let me know if I need to add any tags.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

The morning's light softly fell onto Kaidan’s face in a quiet wake up call. Its bright rays touched his eyes and dragged him from the half-sleep he was peacefully enjoying. As he pulled his eyelids back he saw the soft light illuminate the bedroom in pale yellows and whites. He glanced over to the clock by the bed and saw it was 6:48 am, he’d slept in. With a small groan, Kaidan turned over onto his back and noticed the other half of the bed empty.

With a huff, he pulled himself into a sitting position and surveyed the room. There wasn’t much in it besides a bed, a dresser, some framed photos, a door to a bathroom, and a big monitor that almost exclusively played Blasto. Though at the moment, it was missing a particular commander who was likely already going about his day. So Kaidan pulled himself from the warm sheets and began his morning routine. He went to the bathroom, took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, thought about shaving, decided it could wait, styled his hair, thought about shaving again, decided it was fine for today, and threw on a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Then he made his way down the stairs. 

As he got to the first floor, the muffled sound of laughter could be heard. When he rounded the corner into the living room, from beyond the glass back doors, Kaidan saw the wagging tail of a happy dog jumping back and forth as a smiling Shepard held a red ball. The commander was wearing a thick sweatshirt with a faded Blasto logo and worn blue jeans tucked into a pair of Alliance issued boots. On top of his shaved head was a black beanie with an N7 logo on the side. The air was starting to get cold in Vancouver and the wind off the English Bay made the mornings brisk. It wouldn’t be long now till gloves and winter coats came out of storage. Their dog, Normandy, ran happily after the red projectile as Shepard sent it across their yard. The little German shepherd caught it mid-air like she always did and the bundled commander gave cheers of encouragement.

Kaidan smiled at the lively scene as he made his way over to the kitchen for the coffee maker. This was often how their mornings went, Shepard would wake up around 5 am and got ready for the day. After that, he’d head down stares and start the coffee while catching up on the long list of extranet mail that always accumulated overnight. Once that became too much, Shepard usually worked on whichever model ship he was currently putting together. Right now it was a model of the Hammerhead, courtesy of Cortez. He’d occupy himself with that until either Normandy wanted to play or Kaidan came downstairs. Usually, Kaidan wouldn’t be too far behind, only a half-hour or so, but they’d been up late last night binding extranet vids and catching up on messages from across the galaxy.

As Kaidan made his way into their kitchen, he saw a hot cup of coffee sitting on the counter with a lid. A small note with his name written on it and a bunch of poorly drawn hearts sat beside it. He took the lid off and the bitter smell of roasted beans filled the space around him. He smiled down into the light hazel color and took a small sip. It was still piping hot and Shepard had made it just how he liked it, a little milk and no sugar. The bitter mixture warmed him and shook the last traces of sleep from his mind. As he enjoyed his morning drink, he heard the back door open and the sound of paws tapping across the floor.

Suddenly, Normandy was at his feet pushing her body against his legs as her tail whipped back and forth with her ball in her mouth, “Morning, Norm.” He reached down and began petting her head happily as she pushed her whole weight into him. It was a good thing he was braced against the counter or she would have pushed him over. As the happy dog indulged in morning pats, Kaidan looked up to see Shapard at the back door taking off his hat and wiping his boots. The sun was shining on his broad back and his blue eyes seemed more vivid in the morning’s light. His cheeks were slightly pink from the cold air and his tall frame cut an impressive figure. Two and a half years of marriage and the sight still warmed Kaidan’s cheeks, “Morning, Shepard.”

Those blue gems turned to him and the old soldier’s face broke into a grin that crinkled the corners of his eyes. With dull bangs of his boots, Shepard walked over to him, “Morning, K.” He leaned in and placed a sweet kiss onto Kaidan’s lips. They were cold from being outside and his mouth still tasted like black coffee, and to Kaidan, it was perfect. When Shepard pulled back, he rose a chilled hand to Kaidan’s cheek and gave the bristled hairs a rub with his thumb, “Getting scruffy.” With that, he turned around to get Normandy’s breakfast.

“I knew I should have shaved.” Kaidan felt the rough patches of hair on his face and could have sworn they felt longer now than they did moments ago.

“It’s fine, I like it. Looks more casual. Oh, maybe grow a full beard and then you’ll look like one of those Canadian lumberjacks from the underwear commercials.” Shepard filled the dog’s bowl with some kibble as Kaidan took a seat at their small table to look through his messages.

“Haha, very funny.”

“I’m serious, you have the ass for it.”

Kaidan felt the corners of his mouth pull into a smirk, “I’m not doing that. Besides the anniversary is coming up and we’re expected to make an appearance. I would look ridiculous walking in with a beard.” 

“I disagree.”

“You’d be the only one.” Kaidan looked at the long list of new extranet mail and private messages that filled his inbox. Despite all their hard work of going through it last night, the messages came back tenfold, “You’d think the AI could sort this mess better.”

Shepard walked back over and took a seat across from him, “Ya, I know what you mean. I spent a good hour just going through all mine this morning. It’s that time of year again, huh Kaidan.” He felt Shepard nudge his leg with his foot as the commander ruefully smiled at him. 

In a week, it’d be the fifth anniversary of the end of the Reaper War. It was a galactic celebration where all races came together to celebrate their victory and remember the ones they’d lost. It was such a big celebration it took about a week for all the festivities to end. Two if you’re on Tuchanka. That’s what happens when there are so many stories to tell, so many things to celebrate, so many people to remember. And each year every member of the Normandy crew got bombarded with invites to every prestigious occasion one could imagine. From the most exclusive events on Illium to the formal ceremonies on Palaven, anyone even affiliated with the famous team would be extensively invited to join the festivities. And no one was more in demand then the Great Commander Shepard.

Though the first and second anniversary neither he nor Shepard had attended any public events. After the final push, Kaidan had shattered his leg, cracked six ribs, and blew out his amp. He was cooped up in recovery for a good month before they discharged him on medical leave. 

Meanwhile, the commander had been found at the bottom of a bunch of rubble on the citadel with a cracked skull, collapsed lung, broken femur, broken ribs, and just about any other traumatic injury one could think of. To say it was touch and go for a while would be an understatement. He was practically dead upon discovery and spent the next two weeks with doctors telling everyone to prepare a hero’s funeral. It was the longest two weeks of Kaidan’s life. Where he should have been celebrating the end of a three-year journey and the survival of the Milky Way, he was sitting in a dark hospital room with shaking hands and anxiety gripping his heart. He didn’t think anyone on the Normandy got much sleep those two weeks.

But Shepard defied death once, and apparently he was keen on doing it again because one day the doctors declared he had a steady heartbeat with no mechanical aid. It was far from a roaring endorsement, there was still too much damage for the promise of a strong recovery, but it was enough to ease their fears. And once Kaidan was released from the hospital, he became Shepard’s self-appointed shadow, never too far away.

So when Shepard woke up two months later, he was right there to lend a hand in his recovery. A recovery that would officially take two years of constant monitoring, physical therapy, counseling, and medical miracles. It was practically Project Lazarus: Part Two. It was a long two years that finally ended when citadel staff officially discharged him and cleared him for space travel. That was when they both hopped on the Normandy SR2 for one last ceremonial trip. A trip that would take them to Earth where they’d spend their post-war years away from violence.

That’s where they were now, in a nice house by the English Bay not far from the one he grew up in. His mother visited often and would cook them meals big enough for a Korgan army that would leave them supplied with leftovers for the rest of the week. Their friends would visit whenever their own post-war lives freed up the time or they needed to hide away from some responsibility. They also adopted Normandy because Shepard always wanted a pet bigger than his hamster and varren aren’t permitted on Earth soil. So the little dog found in the rubble of Vancouver after the war joined their home and became their happy companion.

It was peaceful in their little abode as they lived out their days along the bay, though far from boring. While they both were technically medically discharged from the Alliance, they were hardly retired. The two of them would often go into the nearby Alliance Training Academy to mentor recruits and train soldiers. Kaidan primarily worked with the biotic groups while Shepard worked with special forces and helped prep those going to The Interplanetary Combatives Academy. Once and a while they’d hold a special class like “How to Face A Rampaging Korgen” or “Fighting Asari Mercenaries; The Do’s and Don’ts.”. When they weren’t preparing Alliance soldiers, they were acting as ambassadors, diplomats, Reaper consultants, Alliance Representatives, and any other odd job that required accomplishing mildly inconvenient to impossible tasks. That’s the work you got when you’re responsible for ending lifetime rivalries, forging diplomatic ties, saving the galaxy, and having a pretty face.

A beeping at their vid com pulled Kaidan and Shepard’s attention from their omni tools. Shepard sighed, “I swear if Grunt's calling again to tell me about how many things he’s killed today, I’m blocking him.” He got up to make his way over to the machine. Kaidan sipped his coffee as he watched Shepard pull the request up and give a mild look of surprise, “It’s Admiral Hackett.”

“Hackett?” Kaidan put his coffee down and turned his body to fully face Shepard. If Admiral Hackett was calling it was typically to ask for their help on some Allicane related business.

Shepard hit the answer button as he straightened his shoulders and schooled his expression. If not for the Blasto sweatshirt, he would look like the perfect soldier at attention.

Then the image of Hackett came on the screen, “Admiral.” Shepard gave the screen a salute, not needed at this time, but an old habit. 

“Shepard, sorry to disturb paradise so early.” The Admiral gave a small salute back and smiled.

“No disturbance, sir. What can I do for you?”

“Right to business, Shepard. I appreciate it. Is the Major with you?” 

On cue, Kaidan stood up and walked beside Shepard. When he came into view, he gave a less formal salute, “Morning, Sir.”

“Morning, Major. I only ever seem to call on you two for business, so I’ll cut to the chase. You two have been requested by quarian command.”

Kaidan gave a quick glance to Shepard, “Quarian command? What do they need?”

“You've been requested to accompany a research vessel into the Hades Nexus to help investigate a reaper signal.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow, “Reaper signal, haven’t heard about one of those in a while.”

“From the mission brief I received, it seems to be coming from an old reaper ship. It was discovered by quarian researchers when mineral scanning planets for possible colonies. They picked the signal up but can’t make heads or tails of it. Current teams who’ve worked with reaper tech are even having a hard time with it, so they’re calling for the best.”

Kaidan felt the old pang of excitement, the kind you get just before jumping headfirst into a hoard of husk. But now that feeling of excitement was almost always accompanied by the dread of uncertainty, “With all due respect Admiral, we don’t do active combat anymore. And in my experience, reaper signals almost always end in gunfire.” They had a rule, no live combat. They’d run around playing diplomat and run drills to show off to the recruits till the Alliance were smiling fools, but their days of facing down hostile threats were done.

While Shepard had come miles in his recovery, he would never be what he was. On bad days, he’d have a limp in his left leg and couldn’t raise his right arm above his chest. Headaches and frequent pain in his hip were common on good days. And while he could hold his ground in simulated combat and training exercises, there’d be hell to pay later when the fatigued muscles and overworked joints settled in for the night. Sure, sometimes it couldn’t be helped. Just like at Ryuusei's Sushi Bar, bad people think they can pull a fast one, but an unforeseen assassination attempt isn’t the same as willingly going into combat. Shepard fought tooth and nail against Kaidan’s rule, but it was something he refused to give in on. Kaidan had already lost Shepard once and damn near lost him again, he refused to let the man get a third shot. They settled on both of them retiring from active combat in favor of support roles.

“I wouldn’t send you two in if I thought there would be trouble. They’ve located the vessel and there’s no life on board. From what they’ve decoded from the signal, it seemed to be transmitting data, not sending out any call for help, or receiving transmissions. Ground teams have already scouted and confirmed no hostile threats on board.”

Shepard didn’t look too worried about hostile presence, but a little unconvinced by the mission parameters, “There has to be more than that, Admiral. There are plenty of other people who have more experience with strange signals than me. Just ask Traynor, she can make data analysis into a galactic sport. So why go through the trouble of dragging us there?”

“Because their reports of the ship match details from your reports of collector ships.”

“collectors?” Shepard glanced at him with a bit of shock, they hadn’t heard of any collector presence since the war’s end.

“Details in the reports you provided Alliance command about the different collector facilities your team infiltrated are matching details of the ship the signal emanating from it. Not every detail matches what you described, but enough for quarian command to contact me. There are few people in the galaxy who have ever seen a collector, Shepard, even less who have seen their tech first hand. They want you as a consultant. What do you two say?”

Kaidan still felt uneasy, “Admiral, I wasn’t there when Shepard faced the collectors. By the sound of it, I’m a little under-qualified for this mission.” Kaidan hated just about everything in that sentence. He hated bringing up the time he turned his back on Shepard, he hated to think he was incapable of any mission, and he really hated the idea of Shepard going into any unknown without him. 

He noticed Shepard intensely looking at him side-eyed and Kaidan knew he was holding back a protest. Meanwhile, the Admiral responded, “Major, you’re a tech expert in your own right and have worked closely with some of the most experienced reaper and collector experts this galaxy has to offer. Trust me, the quarians won’t say no to your help with your resumé and reputation. Besides, I wouldn't send Shepard in alone. The boy’s accident-prone and will need you there to pull him out of the fire when something eventually goes wrong.”

Shepard’s attention went from him to the picture of the Admiral, ‘Hey-”

“What do you boys say? Can I tell quarian command to prep the welcome party?”

Kaidan looked to Shepard and their eyes met. Shepard raised an eyebrow letting him know the commander was all for the welcomed trip to the far reaches of space. He gave a small nod in agreement. It was time for them to get away from paradise for a little bit anyway.

“Yes, sir. We’re in.” The corners of Shepard’s lips pulled up in a subtle smile.

“Good to hear. Galactic transport will be ready for you two at Alliance Naval Base HMCS Discovery at 1300. I’ll send you the details of the hanger number and who you need to meet along with the mission report within the hour. You’re expected to be in Alliance issued uniforms. Protocol requires full armor and prepared weapon when entering an unknown foreign vessel, so don’t forget your gear.”

“Think you need to tell us that, Admiral.” Shepard gave the old man an exasperated smile.

“Just making sure paradise hasn’t softened you both too much. Can't have you two showing up to a quarian research mission wearing Hawaiian shirts and flip flops.”

Kaidan snickered at the thought. They didn’t even own Hawaiian shirts, but Kaidan thought the sight of Shepard in one might be worth a shopping trip.

“That’s all I have for you boys, you should start packing.” They both straightened their backs and gave their salutes to the screen, again, old habits. Hackett returned it and went to cut the com but stopped halfway, “Oh and I hear an old friend of yours will be on the mission with you. Hackett out.” And with that, the line was cut.

They both stepped away from the vidcom and back to the table. Kaidan retrieved his coffee and took another sip. Being called out last minute to a mission wasn’t unusual for them, in fact, they were given more time than usual. But neither of them minded, the only thing they had planned for the week was trying to balance all the vid mail and party invites, so they were happy for the mission.

“An old friend, huh?” Shepard leaned his hip on the side of the table, “I can take a pretty good guess on who that is.”

Kaidan smiled over the rim of his coffee, “Quarian high command, reaper tech, and add you to the mix, if she’s not involved I’d be worried. Hell, she’s probably the one who made the request to Hackett.”

Shepard leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Kaidan’s forehead and pushed away from the table to open the fridge, “I’ll be good to see Tali again. Haven’t seen her since Grunt’s birthday party and I don’t think I remember enough of that for it to count as a visit.”

“To be fair, I don’t think any of us remember that reunion very well.” Blurry memories of empty bottles of tequila and ryncol seeped into his head. He vaguely remembered James Vega eating a pizza while they watched Grunt jump into a pool wearing a blond wig. Or was that the lake on the Presidium? 

The sound of the stove’s burner turning on pulled Kaidan from his hazy memories. Shepard was heating a pan with half a dozen eggs sitting by some raw bacon, American style, “After breakfast, we’ll call your mom to come pick Normandy up. We should also double-check our bags to make sure we have all our gear and pull some thermal clips from storage. I don’t want to think about the requisition paperwork they’ll have us fill out to use some of theirs.” Shepard stopped his train of thought and regarded his eggs, “Should I make some home fries with these?” Shepard pointed to the raw ingredient on the counter.

Kaidan got out of his seat and walked over to the cabinet to pull out some potatoes, “Might as well, if an Alliance cruiser is picking us up then you know our lunch will be dried rations.” Kaidan pulled out a knife and cutting board and began to dice while bacon began to sizzle in the pan.

“That’s one thing I don’t miss about the alliance. They never figured out how to make decent food.”

“Almost as bad as hospital food.”

Shepard made a gagging noise and he could relate. They’d both eaten enough of that to last a krogan lifetime, “Maybe they’ll at least have those little packets of salted cashews.”

Kaidan pulled out another pan and placed it on the burner next to Shepard, “You’re the savior of the galaxy, I’m sure they can procure some cashews for the flight. Hell, maybe even get you two packs.”

Shepard gave his bacon a flip, “Here’s hoping all that almost dying finally pays off.”

“Almost dying?” Kaidan smiled at him.

The corner of Shepard’s mouth lifted, “You know what I mean.”

☆

The SSV Somme was a standard Alliance frigate. It was manned by a large crew and ran much like the Normandy did, though the ship’s specs were less advanced than their old ship. When they first walked abroad, Kaidan could tell immediately they’d scrubbed the ship from head to tail. All boot scruffs were cleaned from the aisle, every surface shined with not a flake of dust, and he could have sworn he smelled lavender in the air trying to mask the smell of eezo and metal every space vessel had. He bet his last dollar their XO had the crew scrubbing for hours when they got news they’d be escorting the Commander Shepard and Major Alanko on an escort mission. White glove inspection and all.

He was inclined to feel bad for the crew but, judging by the way they looked at them when they stepped aboard, he didn’t know if any of them complained about the job. Big eyed and slacked jaw recruits along with seasoned vets all gave starstruck salutes as they walked past. Then they were all nervous glances and restrained smiles when their backs were turned. To the crew of the Somme, two legends walked among them.

Kaidan always found this part of fame conflicting. He was never one who sought out attention, never thought his name would be remembered beyond the people he knew. Yet somehow, along the path of fighting the good fight, he found his name etched into stone. He was glad for the things they’d accomplished, the good it brought so many. He just didn’t know if he liked the pedestal they put him on.

Shepard, on the other hand, never seemed to let it bother or change him. He never got jagged from the starstruck onlookers or portentous from the attention. He stayed relatable and willing to pull his own weight, never expecting others to give him special treatment. Kaidan found it pretty amazing considering Shepard was treated like royalty wherever he went. After all, while Kaidan's name was written in stone, Shepard’s was etched in the stars.

They spent their uneventful cross galactic trip answering questions from the crew and retelling a few stories from the war. Everyone there had a story of their own. From the funny antics soldiers got into in the rare time between combat to the unbelievable stories of survival and luck. And as the storytelling went on, Kaidan could see it in their eyes. The unspoken parts of the tale where the characters involved didn’t make it home. With the anniversary right around the corner, Kaidan could tell the crew was getting sentimental. It was walking a sharp edge, reliving the tales. A happy memory interrupted by remembering the hour that followed it. He knew Shepard could feel it too, but the commander was good at walking that sharp edge. When the group began to teeter over, he’d rial them up with tales of their more ridiculous adventures. Anything from their meetings with Conrad Verner to the hanar diplomat and his mistress.

By the time he got done telling them all about the time he had to pick Grunt up from C-Sec at the noodle place, the whole crew was in tears of laughter and Shepard had three empty bags of cashews on his lap. He was opening his forth when the ship's pilot came over the intercom with an ETA of 15 min. They both got up from their seats with disappointed cries from the crew as they made their way to the hanger bay to gear up.

Kaidan pulled his blue armor from the storage container and diligently began strapping on the familiar metal pieces. Shepard carefully put on his own gauntlets and boots as well. When all that was left was his chest piece, Kaidan walked over to help him, “Think you got enough peanuts to last you the mission?” He strapped the N7 plate into place and admired the other in his full combat armor.

“First, they were cashews, peanuts are overrated. Second, do you think if I asked they’d give me some for the car ride home after we get back?” Shepard reached for his rifle and secured it on his back.

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. Again, cashews are a small price to pay for the audience of the Commander Shepard.” Kaidan followed his lead and got his weapons secured. With both of them geared up per Alliance regulation, they made their way to the airlock with a small entourage of alliance marines.

“I don’t want to wipe them of their cashew supply, it’s the only good food they serve on these ships.” They all stopped in front of the airlock as decontamination protocol kicked in.

“I don’t think you’d be able to eat all the packets of nuts they have here, Shepard.” Kaidan smirked at his dork in prestigious N7 armor. Not a single member of the Somme realized their great legend was nothing but a goofball in armor.

Shepard smirked at him and spoke low next to his ear, “You of all people should know how good I am at eating nuts.”

“Oof, that was bad. That was really bad.” Kaidan shook his head in disappointment at the low blow.

“Ya, it was. Like really bad. I mean, like, it was awful! Kaidan, why didn’t you stop me from saying that? ” Kaidan could see the laugh Shepard was trying to hold back.

The decontamination sequence was ending and the chamber began decompressing, “Shepard, I don’t think anyone can stop you.”

“It’s a good thing you're stuck with me then, I’m pretty sure that joke would have scared most people off.” Shepard smirked at him again and he found himself smiling.

“Ya, good thing I’m not most people.”

Shepard smirk turned sweeter, “No, you’re not.” And before the airlock door could open to their destination, Shepard quickly leaned over to give him a quick peck on the lips, oblivious to the other marines stuck in the room with them.

☆


	2. Familiar Friends, Familar Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Kaidan begin their investigation of the abandoned reaper ship when things take an unexpected turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we start to get into the meat of this story! Heads up, I mentioned some details that are explored more in the comics than the game, though it shouldn't be enough for anyone to be too confused or lost. I hope you all enjoy it!

When the airlock opened, they stepped through a connecting dock into a quarian ship Kaidan knew little about. Standing there to greet them was a handful of quarians and some geth mixed into the bunch. Since the end of the war, the geth and quarians had been working closely together to create a better life for both groups. Last Kaidan heard the recolonization of Rannoch was rapidly progressing beyond anyone's expectations thanks to their alliance.

As they approached the welcome party, who Kaidan assumed to be the lower ranking members, stood at attention and saluted them, even some geth did the same. Kaidan surveyed the group in front of them but didn’t know enough about quatrain rank to determine anyone of importance. Well, except one. Among the unfamiliar masked faces and flashlight head robots, she stood in front of the group to be the first one to meet them, “Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Rannoch, what kind of trouble have you roped us into this time.” Shepard gave a big smile to their long time friend as he walked up to greet her. All three of them knew proper greetings for a meeting of this nature, but they all stopped caring about protocol with friends a long time ago. So instead of a handshake, Shepard wrapped his arms around her tight.

She happily returned the hug and had to go on the tips of her toes to match his height, “Please, you know I only get you two involved in the interesting stuff.” She pulled away from him and went to Kaidan next. He happily wrapped his arms around her and she squeezed him, “It’s so good to see you two again!” She pulled away and looked at both of them, “How’s Vancouver been?”

“Getting cold. I bet we’ll see snow soon.” Shepard answered her.

“And how's my little Normandy?” Tali held her hands together in front of her in an excited gesture for the update on her favorite earth pup.

Kaidan gave a breathless laugh, “Waiting patiently for your next visit. I think she misses you.” The day Tali met Normandy was the day Normandy made it very clear she had favorites. Unfortunately her favorite lived a space jump away, so they didn’t get to meet often.

“Aw! I’ll have to make a trip out to see her!”

A small cough pulled the three friends' attention to the other groups of people waiting on them. One of the other quarians stepped up, “Sorry to interrupt, Admiral, but the mission...”

“Oh right.” Tali looked to them and whispered, “We’ll catch up later.” With that, she stepped back and gave a more formal introduction, “Welcome aboard the Belaz, a research vessel under the command of Admiral Daro'Xen vas Moreh. Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

“Anything for an old friend, Tali. What are we dealing with?” Shepard smiled nicely to her and she nodded back.

“We’re here investigating an unknown reaper signal found onboard a deserted vessel. Follow me, I’ll show you what we’ve found so far.” They all began to walk through the quarian ship and Kaidan took note of the details. Even on a research vessel, there were traces of green plants and flora growing in containers on the walls. There were halls of terminals and they passed by a room with a glass window that opened into a lab of some kind.

Tali continued to talk as they walked into a large room similar to the war room on the SR2, “68 hours ago a quarian scouting vessel picked up an unknown signal while scanning planets. Upon further investigation they found the signal to contain familiar reaper code. They contacted high command immediately and they sent me and my team to check it out.” Tali walked to a terminal where she brought up a list of code and a visual of the unknown signal. Kaidan knew a few things about tech and he recognized the highlighted sections as the reaper’s handy work. Though the rest was a bundle of unknown code and what seemed like gibberish.

Kaidan walked up a little closer to the terminal, “What have you deciphered from it so far.”

“Kal, brief the major.” Tali stepped back and looked to one of the quarians standing behind them. 

A shorter male quarian seemed to jump a bit and take a step forward, “Oh, right. Yes ma’am.” He walked up to them and gave a shaky salute, “Kal’Herrel vas Hovar, designated data analyst specialist, sirs.” His hand twitched a bit and his statement sounded more like a question than his name. Kaidan couldn’t help but wonder if the nervous nature of Kal was a quirk since birth or the product of being in a room with the galaxy’s savors.

Shepard nodded to him, “Nice to meet you, Kal. What have you got for us?” 

“Right!” Kal walked up to the terminal and began bringing up data reports and sections of code, “Well, so far we’re able to decipher that the signal being transmitted is some type of data report. They look like trail analysis, though in regards to what, we still haven’t figured that out. It’s being transmitted in some type of programming language we don’t have on file.”

Kaidan looked through the long list of data before him, “Do you know where it’s being sent to?”

“Uh, no. With the destruction of the reapers, it’s likely their original receiver is no longer active. The signal’s transmitter could just be sending it out in a general radius in hopes something will pick it up again.”

Shepard looked to Tali, “So we got some type of data that’s just been transmitting all these years and we don’t know what it’s sending out?”

“Yes, and with any luck, we’ll find some kind of cipher for the data on the ship.”

“What about the Collector tech?”

“I haven’t been on the ship yet, but I read through the reports. It sounds very similar to some of the terminals we found during our missions on the collector ships. They were having trouble getting power online, but it looks like there’s a lot of terminals with databases filled with information regarding genetic code. There are also large information caches stored deep in mainframes our team is still trying to hack.” She put her hands on her hips, “There’s a secret to be found, Shepard, and we’re the ones they called to get it.”

“Then let's waste no more time.” Shepard looked at him and he gave a small nod in agreement. 

“Hopefully this time I won’t be crawling through the vents.” Tali turned around and instructed a few people on different tasks. She then had a handful of others follow them as they made their way to a different airlock that connected the quarian ship to the deserted one. A quarian commando and two geth units followed as Shepard directed two of their marines to tag along leaving the other ones on the quarian ship. Kaidan heard a few sad whines as the others were left behind to guard the meeting room that needed no guarding while the other two exchanged a quiet fist bump.

One of the geth units walked up bedside Tali as the airlock closed and decompression took place, “Creator Tali’Zorah, geth units have restored ideal atmospheric conditions and gravity to the vessel along with minimal power. Though extensive damage and long term exposure to harsh conditions have delayed efforts of full power restoration.”

“Good job, Lemma. At least we won’t have to worry about oxygen.” The decompression completed and their small party walked in.

The old vessel had dim lights and an eerie feeling achieved only by a metal ship lost in the depths of space. Everything held still as the sound of their boots echoed down the abandoned corridors like the moans of ghosts. Despite the newly processed air and gravity, the place felt as if nothing had touched it in decades. It was the kind of place one’s mind could conjure terrifying thoughts in.

The quarian commando took point and guided their party with the two Alliance marines covering their flank. They guided them to a large control room at the head of the ship. Then one of the other geth units walked up to the control panel and began to move its talons. After a brief moment, bright lights came on. The horror vibe lessened as shadows were chased away with each light slowly coming on one by one. Soon they stood in a well-lit control room that left little to the minds twisted imagination. The geth unit at the terminal looked back to everyone, “Optical lights restored.” It then raised its hand and gave, what Kaidan guessed, was its version of a thumbs up. Kaidan silently wondered where it learned that from.

“Well done.” The commando looked to Tali, “How would you like to go about this, Admiral?”

“We should split up, we’ll cover more ground. You take one of the geth and the two marines can take the other. I’ll team off with Lemma and take Shepard and Kaidan to the main hub. You four, start down in the hull and work your way up. Stay on comms and report any strange findings. We’re trying to get access to their systems and software, so if you think you have anything, have one of the geth look at it.”

“By yourself? With all due respect, ma’am, shouldn’t one of us come with you?”

Tali gave a dismissive huff to commando, “Please lieutenant, an abandoned ship is the least dangerous place I’ve been to this week. Besides,” She patted her shotgun, “remember who you’re dealing with.”

“Oh, ah, right. Uh, yes, ma’am.” The commando gave a salute and walked to the others to divvy out the orders. Kaidan saw the mild look of disappointment on the faces of the marines when they realized they weren’t going with Shepard. Kaidan didn’t blame them. After all, it was one thing to go on a boring research mission and another thing to go on it with the galaxy's savor who had enough charm to make a krogen blush. Kaidan understood that it’s also why he was happy it was him paired off with the commander. Not that it was ever up for debate.

Tali walked up to them along with the geth Lemma, “I figure with both of you working at it, you’ll be able to identify what we’re looking for without a geth’s help. But we’ll stay close by, so you can just call one of us over when you can’t figure it out.” She stuck out her hip in a teasing gesture.

Shepard smiled at them, “Your confidence in us is amazing.”

Meanwhile, the geth, Lemma, looked between both of them briefly then spoke up, “Shepard Commander, Major Alanko, it’s nice to meet your acquaintance. I am Lemma. I was assigned to aid Creator Tali’Zorah on this mission.”

“Lemma’s part of my personal team. They’ve been a big help in restoring the ship's functions. They're also going to help us figure out the purpose of this ship and try to decipher the signal.” Tali added.

Shepard reached his hand out for a shake, “Nice to meet you, Lemma.” The unit regarded their own hand for a minute before tentatively raising it and shaking the commander’s. Kaidan did the same.

It was still a bit strange for Kaidan to be shaking a geth’s hand like allies. Before the war’s end, the most interacting he had with them consists of firefights and mutual hostility. Even the geth, Legion, was someone he didn’t interact with much for their short stay on the Normandy. Though his lack of interactions with them didn’t stop him from appreciating them. They played their role in the war and they were doing good work with the quarians. Even now, they were lending a hand. So with the quarian’s alliance forged, Kaidan made sure to put their bad blood behind him.

Lemma seemed to regard Shepard for a moment more and then address him, “The geth have lots to say about you, Shepard Commander.”

Shepard gave a smile, “All good I hope.”

Again, Lemma seemed to take a minute to themselves, “Databases show you are responsible for the destruction of the reapers, alliance with the creators, and development of the geth AI. All are regarded as optimal outcomes among the geth consensus.”

Kaidan whispered to Shepard, “I think someone's a fan.”

Shepard released an airy laugh, “All of those things were accomplished by a lot of people, not just me.” Shepard was being modest, his role in each of those things was key in their success. Though Kaidan guessed Shepard was referring more to the sacrifices others made to achieve them.

“Regardless, the geth hold you in high regards, Shepard Commander. It’s an honor to meet you.” The plates above Lemma’s head rose in some kind of expression.

“You can get his autograph later, Lemma. First, let’s find out what this signal is.” Tali had pulled up her omni tool, “There’s a hub in the main chamber not far from here that looks to house a large portion of tech. It might be the main server room. We should start there.”

All four of them began to work their way through the empty ship. As they went along, Shepard ran his fingers lightly over the metal walls, “This doesn’t look like any collector ship I’ve been on. The other ones were more...hive like.”

“This ship is not of collector origin.” It was Lemma who spoke up.

Kaidan looked to the tall machine beside them, “What do you mean?”

“Geth database has confirmed this vessel was once a geth ship used by the heretics. Last known use was dated back in the year 2184.”

“That was the year after the Normandy was destroyed.”

“Affirmative.”

“Do you know what happened to it after 2184?”

“Unknown, all traces of the ship were gone. The geth assumed it was destroyed. However, this ship has been heavily modified from its original design. An atmosphere has been added and the floor plans have been changed. Reaper technology has also been heavily incorporated into the ship's mainframe. It seems probable that the reapers took the vessel and modified it for their own purpose.”

“And I don’t suppose you know what they modified this place for, do you?”

“Unknown at this time.”

“Got it.” Even after all these years, they still didn’t know half the technology or madness the reapers left behind. But in Kaidan’s experience, it was never good.

Soon they reached a sealed door that Tali opened with a wave of her hand. As they passed through, it opened into a large rectangular room. Along the left and right walls were small rooms built into the walls. Each had a large glass window allowing an onlooker to peer inside. By each open door sat a terminal. On the far side of the room was a large console with several monitors and keypads. Only dim lights illuminated the large area with a blinking red light from the main terminal casting crimson onto the surroundings.

They all walked in and surveyed the room. Tali made her way over to the large terminal while him and Shepard made their way to one of the small rooms off to the side. Kaidan tried the terminal in front of the window, but there was no power, “Lemma, do you think you can get power to one of these side terminals?”

The geth walked up to the console by Tali and opened an omni tool, “I will try.” Tali began tapping away on the terminal's interface trying to get a response while Shepard investigated the empty room.

The small room was about the size of a jail cell, but it had no door, only an entrance next to the glass window. The window was as tall as the ceiling and came down to about waist length. It was clear and there was no damage to the pristine glass. The walls were covered in metal panels with a half-inch gap between them. The floor looked much the same. But besides that, there was nothing in the room. No signs of damage, no controls, or buttons. Just an empty room identical to the others along the walls.

Suddenly, power lit the room in a faint light. Kaidan looked over as Lemma worked the ship’s interface and rebooted the systems. Soon, the terminal Kaidan was at lit up and began a reboot initiative. The lines between the panels in the small rooms began to glow a faint white light turning each cubicle into a bright box. One by one, each terminal by the rooms turned on and began to boot up. Soon the large console shone to life and bathed the room in yellow.

Kaidan kept an eye on his counsel rebooting as Shepard ran his hand along the metal panels of the mysterious room. After a brief moment, his terminal showed an active interface for the user in a language his translator didn’t know. Kaidan began integrating his omni tool into the console to open a comprehensive interface to try to learn what this room was used for. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw Lemma’s talons stop midway on the counsel they were working at and look to Tali who was making quick work of the large console before her, “Tali, geth technology has been activated on this vessel.”

Tali stopped what she was doing and looked over, “What?”

“A familiar geth activation sequence has been detected, but it has been altered with reaper hardware.”

“What kind of activation sequence?”

Kaidan didn’t hear Lemma’s response to Tali’s question as his attention was pulled towards a flashing light on his terminal. The flashing indicator was followed by a long list of code and processes. Before Kaidan could decipher what the console was doing, the white light in the chamber got brighter. It got so bright it almost washed away Shepard’s figure inside.

It happened so fast, Shepard didn’t have time to leave the small room and he suddenly gave a restrained scream of pain. Kaidan saw him move his hands to border his head as his figure crumbled to the floor. The white light faded slowly as Shepard laid limp on the ground.

An icy grip wrapped around his heart as he rounded the corner to get to him. He saw Shepard on the floor with his eyes closed and blood dripping from his nose, “Shepard!” 

In a panic, Kaidan ran into the room and made a run to the fallen man. Behind him, he could hear the sounds of Tali and Lemma’s feet pounding on the ground towards them. He went to reach out for Shepard and heard Tali call out his name, but he never made it to his destination. The white light from before sparked harshly in the room once more. It swallowed everything around him and he couldn’t see a thing. Then a sharp pain pierced the back of his head like an ice pick. The pain went through his whole head till he felt it in the back of his eyes. He tasted copper and heard a loud siren in his ears while the world fell away to darkness.

☆

There was a strong pounding inside his skull. It felt almost like a migraine, but distant like an echo. Something that was almost there, but not quite. Through the haziness of this mind, Kaidan slowly willed his eyes to open. He was greeted by a strong light that had him blinking back at its harsh glare. When his eyes finally adjusted to the bright rays, he took note of himself. 

Despite the faint feeling of nausea and echoes of pain in his head, he physically felt fine. He moved his fingers and shoulders. His movements were rough like he’d been asleep too long and his head didn’t want to focus. He was briefly reminded of when we woke up at the hospital on the citadel after the Mars mission. How stiff he felt from not moving around and the way the light seemed to glare around him. But unlike then, the more he moved, the faster that feeling slipped away to nothing. When the fog finally seemed to lift from his mind, he took note of where he was.

He was laying on a rough mattress with a scratchy blanket thrown over his torso. Above him was nothing but metal, he was laying on a bunk. He thought briefly he was in a transport cruiser on their way to a hospital. Though the thought was dashed as he turned his head to the side and looked to the room he was in. What he saw almost made his heart stop, it was a dorm. A dorm with two footlockers for clothes and two identical small desks pushed against the wall. The walls were a pale blue long faded despite being new and a single vent with no windows. He scrambled out of bed and almost toppled over on his wobbly legs that tangled with the blanket. But he kept his footing and looked around wide-eyed. Everything was how he remembered it, the water stain in the corner, the broken clock on the wall. It was a dorm he’d woken up in a hundred times before in a place he never wanted to be in again. It was his dorm back at BAat.

Kaidan felt a panic begin to rise in him and he tried to calm himself. He thought back through his hazy mind to try and remember what happened, how he got here. He remembered the mission with Tali, he remembered the ship, he remembered the console. Shepard, he remembered, he got hurt. The light, it shined and he fell. Shepard fell and Kaidan followed. But how did he end up here? In a space station light years away from where they were in a place that didn’t exist anymore?

Kaidan took a deep breath in and released it slowly to calm himself. It was working for only a moment till he looked down and his heart stopped in his chest, he looked different. He ran over to the small bathroom connected to the dorm. He pushed open the door and looked in the mirror. Staring back at him wasn’t the 40 year old with years of wear etched into his features, but a wide eyed kid of 17. He was wearing is BAat uniform like he had fallen asleep after getting ready for the day. His hair was shorter then he liked to keep it and he didn’t have any scruff to speak of.

_This is a dream, I’m dreaming. The blast knocked me out and now I’m having a nightmare._

Kaidan chanted the phrase in his mind to keep him grounded. He was never a lucid dreamer, never even a big dreamer to begin with. He had his nightmares, BAat wasn’t a new one. He just normally dreamt more chaotic than this. He wasn’t normally so aware, so keen on the danger around him and where he was. Most of the time he just woke up in a cold sweat with only vague imprints from the warped things he saw. There was just something so real and vivid about this room and his consciousness that felt so far from a dream.

Kaidan did the classic and pinched his arm. The pain felt real and he pinched so hard he thought he’d leave a bruise, but he didn't wake up. So he tried closing his eyes and willing himself awake, but nothing changed. He clenched his teeth with hands gripping the sink as he tried to force some kind of change, but again, he opened his eyes to see his teen self staring back at him with worry.

His rising panic was interrupted by a knocking at the door and someone came in. Kaidan walked out of the bathroom to investigate and found another BAat student there. He didn’t remember their name, Dane maybe Dale, but the kid looked at Kaidan with exacerbation, “Dude, where have you been? You’re gonna be late for evening roll and missout on your rations.”

Kaidan remembered the routine, to the main hall for evening roll call, something he always thought pointless when you’re on a space station, and then they’d divvy out the rations for students. He lived this routine for many months and yet he didn’t want to move his feet.

The other students looked at him with a more worried look, “Kaidan, are you alright? You look a little pale.” 

Kaidan tried to pull himself from his stupor. He didn’t know what to do. Normally he would have woken up by now. So, out of pure confusion, he fell into routine, “I’m fine, I’ll head to the main hall now.”

“Okay man, just be quick. You don’t want to be late in front of Vyrnnus.”

The name sent a chill down Kaidan’s spine and vile rose to his throat. He hoped he woke from this nightmare soon.

On wobbly feet, he walked out of the dorm into familiar hallways until he found his destination. The room was busy with faces he barely remembered and names he could only maybe recall. He stood among the chaos like a deer in headlights, taking in the too vivid scene. Then a warm hand came down on his shoulder and he looked to the source.

Standing in the same BAat issued uniform with her hair pulled back and eyes shining brightly was a bittersweet memory he didn’t know how to face, “Rahna?”

“Hey, Kaidan. What happened? You’re running late.”

Her voice was just like he remembered, a sweet cadence, “I, uh, I fell asleep.”

Rahna began walking in some direction and Kaidan absentmindedly followed as they talked, “Really? Guess it’s because we stayed up so late with Shelby last night. We’ll have to be more careful. Can’t have you sleeping through roll call.”

“What? Shelby?” Kaidan knew who Shelby was, he remembered him quite well.

Rahna looked at him a little concerned and glanced around to make sure no one was listening to them. She lowered her voice, “You know, the transmitter. We were up pretty late sending messages out. Don’t you remember?” She tilted her head with a worried look on her face.

Kaidan did remember and it just dawned on him that Rahna had led him into a line which they patiently waited in. It was the line to get their water rations for the day. Yes, Kaidan remembered all of this because he lived it all before.

_No, not today. Of all the days to playback to me, why this one?_

When Vyrnnus busted into the main hall and started shouting, it made everyone but him jump. He knew it was coming. He glanced up to the water station him and Rahna would never get to and turned to follow the other lambs to the slaughter. 

Vyrnnus brought them to a training room he’d been in a hundred times before and he felt his panic rise. In the middle of the room was Shelby, tied to a post. He heard the gasp of shocked cadets echo around him as they took in the sight of their fellow student. But Kaidan’s seen it before, he knew how this story went.

And he knew what came next. Vyrnnus asking if anyone else knew about the transmitter to Earth Shelby had. The hours of biotic training he planned out as their punishment. The exhausted Rahna who wouldn't be able to keep up. The relentless taunting Vyrnnus would inflict upon her and the glass of water he tempted her with. Kaidan even knew the exact sound that Rahna’s bones would make as Vyrnnus broke her arm.

And as Kaidan stood there looking out upon the scene that would be the location of his first kill, he decided he needed to leave.

_I’m not doing this again._

While every part of him wanted to believe this was some nightmare, his instincts told him it was something more dangerous than that. He needed to get away from this place. So if he couldn’t wake up, then he’d find another way to escape the scene playing out before him.

“Kaidan?” Rahna’s soft whisper pulled him from his racing thoughts and he glanced at her. He had missed Vyrnnus’s whole speech and each student was breaking off to start their training and she was waiting for him to move.

Seeing her stare at him with her big eyes almost made him stay. He almost felt like he was abandoning her, abandoning all of them to the monster that was Vyrnnus. But this wasn’t real, none of them were. They all had left this life behind long ago, moved on to bigger and better things, and he wasn’t sticking around for bad memories.

Vyrnnus had noticed he hadn’t moved yet and began making his way over to him, “What’s the holdup, Alenko? Think this is some kind of joke?” Vyrnnus got close to him and Kaidan felt the old pangs of anger once more.

But despite how he looked, he wasn't the 17 year old he once was. He knew how to control himself, “No, sir.” Vyrnnus didn’t look convinced and he shouldn’t have been. Especially considering Kaidan turned on his heels so fast Vyrnnus couldn’t process what happened in time to stop him. 

Kaidan ran down the BAat corridors with thoughts to no one. He could hear Vyrnnus’s angry calls behind him, but he didn’t stop to listen. As a 17 year old kid, the thought of escaping a space station seemed impossible. But as a retired alliance marine and citadel spector, that was another day on the job. Kaidan knew exactly where to go to find an escape pod or emergency shuttle off the station. Finding somewhere that would authorize landing was another story, but right now he wasn’t worried about that. He just needed to get off the station and gather his thoughts.

A rushed announcement was made over the intercoms Kaidan didn’t listen to it as he sprinted towards the hanger bay. He rounded a corner into a long hallway with clear windows that showed the dark scenery of space outside the station. Ahead he could see the large glass window that looked out into the hanger bay where several shuttles sat. Kaidan smiled and ran towards the door that would lead him to the control panels for the hanger. Behind him, he could hear people running and shouting his name. Though Kaidan was confident he could hold them off long enough to get a shuttle running.

He ran to the door and hit the keypad to let him in. He spared a glance back to the people racing towards him and smiled at how much distance they still had to cover. He heard the door open and made a quick turn into it, but behind the door wasn’t the hangar bay’s controls.

Instead, he ran into a large city. The door of the space station opened up into a large urban city with tall buildings that blocked the skyline. Trash and broken cement littered the street while neon lights shined on the cracked surfaces of buildings. The sound of a barking dog and sirens could be heard in the distance. 

Kaidan looked back and saw the door to BAat was nothing but a seemingly random door of an abandoned building, yet inside he could still see the crowd of people running towards him. So he slammed the door and began to run farther into the urban landscape.

☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's a little confused, the incident at BAat is based on the events in Mass Effect Foundation (the comic). They go into the BAat incident in more detail that's not mentioned in the game, which is what I based Kaidan's experience off of.  
> Anyways, thank you all so much for reading! Let me know about any mistakes that need correction! I'm very excited to get the future chapters of this out as I have a lot planned for them.  
> See you all next Wednesday!


	3. Unkown Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan finds himself in a rundown city littered with crime and danger which no idea how he got there. Luckly, he finds a familar face.

Kaidan ran through the concrete jungle as neon replaced the sun’s fading light. Tall buildings with metal bars and caged doors surrounded the streets as shadowy figures waited menacingly in the dark. Unknown faces passed by him in a blur of color as he rounded unfamiliar streets.

Once Kaidan felt his chest ack for air and could barely breathe, he turned down an empty ally and pushed his back to the wall. He took a minute to pull rancid smelling air into his lungs and tried not to cough on its bitter flavor. Once he felt his breath even out, he took a tentative peek from the ally down the street he was running. He saw no one behind him, no one in pursuit.

Kaidan released a heavy sigh and could feel the adrenaline in his body slowly dissipate. He felt the slight shake of his hands and the pulse of his heart in his ears. With one more look behind him for BAat staff, he walked back into the rotting street of the neon city. He noticed the large potholes that made the roads nearly unusable for any nonflying car, to which there were a few hazardously parked in various places. All looked barely functional or stripped of any valuable metal. Half the buildings he walked by housed crude graffiti with phrases like “Fuck off, pigs!” or “We Run These Streets”. The sidewalks were cracked and stained while boards covered broken windows. Trash and questionable items decorated the gutters and allies like city planners thought they looked good.

As he walked, neon signs flickered above the streets advertising a variety of things like booze and strippers. Ladies stood outside clubs in tantalizing garb too revealing for the cold wind that blew through the streets. Meanwhile, men the size of James Vega hid in the shadows waiting for the wrong kind of guy to give them problems. And in the deeper shadows of the allies, men and women hid themselves waiting for business Kaidan could only guess the nature of.

The place reminded him of the underworkings of Omega, the places far from Aria’s well-maintained bar. Each back alley and shadow promised a hidden danger to anyone who wasn’t native to the land and Kaidan knew immediately he was out of place.

Out of place in his BAat issued uniform, clean snickers, and freshly cut hair. He stood out among the dirty scenery like a splat of yellow paint on black canvas. And he knew they could all feel it too. He knew right now he looked like a limp deer to the wolves on the street, all waiting for the moment to strike. But Kaidan was far from a lost 17 year old who wandered into the wrong part of town. He might not have known how he got here, but he knew how to handle a bad situation. So he squared his shoulders, kept his features schooled, and walked with a purpose he didn’t have. 

To where? Kaidan didn’t know. If he let himself think about it too much, he thought he might spiral into a panic. An hour ago, he was talking with Tali on an empty ship. A moment ago, he was on a space station reliving one of his worst memories. Now he walked the dirty street of some city he knew would kill him the first chance it got. How do you form a plan when the reality around you is as coherent as abstract art? Kaidan didn’t know, so he walked.

He walked for what he could only assume was a few hours, taking in the broken and shattered remains of a city that still hosted life. He took random turns and followed broken paths long into the night with no direction in mind. All while thoroughly avoiding the obvious druggies and drunks prowling the streets. Carefully deflecting those who called out to him offering services and vices. While also maneuvering those threatening gazes waiting from him to stumble so they could pounce. He was walking on a sharp edge in constant fear of falling over. It was exhausting, so when he started to feel his shoulder slouch and his eyes pull down, he conceded that he wasn't making any progress. He was unsure of how to proceed. He still wasn’t convinced this was a dream, though the random change of scenery was much closer to the patchwork pattern his dreams normally followed. Though that didn’t change the fact that he had little idea of what his goal was in this maybe dream.

He was just about to start looking for some kind of hotel or something when the sound of a tin trashcan hitting the ground followed by pounding feet on concrete pulled his attention to an ally. A silhouetted figure ran across the end of the alley in a blur. Then a small group of shadow covered people ran after them. They were being chased.

Kaidan’s first instinct was to run to their aid, investigate the situation. It was in his nature as a spector. But the other part of him, the one that knew something bizarre was happening in this strange world, warned him to stay away from danger. He didn’t know enough about what was happening to be risking himself in someone else's business.

But a rough scream echoing down the ally had Kaidan moving his feet before he even knew he heard it. He pumped his legs down the dark alley away from the neon lights into a part of the street where one old light post flickered sadly above. It was a dead-end road surrounded by the backs of brick buildings. It looked like a place trucks would unload to the backs of stores, but each one was boarded up and it didn’t look used anymore. 

At the far end, the small group of pursuers surrounded a spot at a brick wall. As Kaidan silently approached, he saw five forms partially illuminated. The first thing he noticed was that they were all young, the oldest in the group looked to be in their early twenties at best. The others were in their late teens. Then he noticed the rags they wore for clothes. One wore a large nylon jacket that was torn at the sleeve and another a stained hoodie with a faded logo. The only girl of the group had on a parka that was long past its prime and had holes at the seams. The only one that wore anything resembling nice was the oldest of the group who wore a thick leather jacket with a blazing skull patch on the back. Kaidan also noticed he was pinning someone against the brink wall by their collar. 

The smaller figure was cast in shadow and Kaidan couldn’t make them out, so he advanced closer ready to intervene. Slowly, their dialogue reached his ears.

“Where is it, you fucking punk!?” The one in leather shook his hands to jostle his captive.

“I already told you! Your contact is a fucking sham, they didn’t have it!” The voice that replied was strong and yelled their words back with an annoyance that didn’t indicate they were scared of the person pinning them to the wall.

“Bullshit! You took it and you’re going to hand it over.” The man got closer to the other to bare his teeth.

“I don’t have jackshit! Fuck OFF!” Kaidan could hear the venom in the other’s words as he approached the group.

“Listen here Johnny, hand it over to me now and we’ll let you walk away with a light beating. You got me?” As the man finished his sentence, Kaidan walked into the weak street light. Several of the other group members looked over to him and squared their shoulders.

One of the members lightly elbowed the leather jacket and spoke, “Mac, we got company.”

 _Mac_ slowly turned around, not letting go of his captive. He met Kaidan’s glare with a snarl like a mad varren. He gave Kaidan a once over from head to toe, “What kind of Alliance fuck are you?”

Kaidan was well outnumbered, but he didn’t bat an eye, “Let them go.” His words were even, not hostile or threatening, just cold and professional.

The other members of the groups looked at each other like he was crazy and Mac gave a feral smile that scrunched his nose and showed his yellow teeth, “You want Johnny? How about this, you can have the corpse after I’m done having my fun with it, _boy scout_. Now run along, before I add you to the body count.”

Before Kaidan could say anything, the person pinned to the wall used the opportunity of his opponent looking the other way to swing his leg up and kick Mac between the legs. Kaidan watched the tip of the other’s boot nail itself square on the sensitive bits and Kaidan almost released a groan in sympathetic pain. Mac crumbled to the ground with a loud groan and released his grip on his prey. When their feet hit the ground, the “captive” wound their arm back and slammed it into Mac’s nose. Kaidan heard an unpleasant sound as flesh met the nose's cartilage.

Then the other group members moved in a flash. Two of them went for the stranger standing triumphantly over the wiggling form of Mac while the other two turned on him. As the two scruffy looking kids ran at him, one pulled out a dull pocket knife while Kaidan noticed the other wore boxing tape around their knuckles. They came prepared.

The knife wielder came at him first but they were easily dodged. He grabbed their wrist as they came at him and gave it a twist. They dropped the weapon to the ground and gave a strained sound at the pain. With them disarmed, he rammed his knee into their gut and pushed them back. As they were distracted, he focused on the other. This attacker took a right swing at him, but it was sloppy. He easily sidestepped it and raised his hands like he’d done hundreds of times before in training. Each haphazardly thrown punch was easily blocked or avoided as Kaidan danced on the balls of his feet. Then he saw an easy opening and went low with a punch straight to the stomach. He heard the other release a heavy groan as the punch stunned him.

Kaidan’s attention got pulled away as he heard another cry. He looked over to see another of the thugs hit the asphalt. In the shadows, there was the limp form of the fourth assailant behind a standing figure. The figure stepped forward into the light to slam a kick into the prone body of the fallen thug. The once shadowed figure that was repeatedly pelleting the curled body on the road with harsh kicks was a young boy. He had big ears that he hadn’t grown into yet which looked more prominent with his shaved head. He had large, blue eyes with purple bags resting under them indicating too many nights without proper sleep. His face still clung onto youthful characteristics with round features, but his sharp brows pulled down into a harsh expression of malice that was too mean for someone his age. He wore a threadbare denim jacket that was three sizes too big and had small holes in at some of the seams. It hung off his narrow shoulder and pooled around his hands. His lengthy limbs and large features could have pinned him anywhere between 14 to 16 years old. Yet his face was aged beyond its years, worn in a way only a life of hardship created.

And Kaidan knew who it was immediately. He had only ever seen one picture of Shepard when he was younger. It was one the orphanage had taken to put on his profile to show to potential adopters, but he was younger in that photo, 6 or 7. But Kaidan knew it was him, he saw the reminisces of that photo in the teen before him. The eyes that are too big for his head, the ears Shepard said he wouldn’t grow into till his twenties. And he saw the resemblance of the man he knew. In the way he held his shoulders and the bend of his brow. And while Kaidan was sure this was his John Shepard, there was something foreign in those icy blue eyes. Something cold and unhinged.

It was then that the bloodied nose Mac came from the shadows, recovered from his earlier blows. Kaidon moved on instinct towards the advancing threat, “Shepard, look out!”

The boy’s large eyes looked at him in shock. In his confusion, Mac came up behind him and hit him hard to the ground. Kaidan heard the air Shepard released as his frame made contact with the hard road. Shepard flopped over onto his back and Mac slammed his boot hard onto Shepard’s chest, pinning him to the ground. Shepard released a pained groan and moved his hand to Mac’s dirty boot to try and pry it off. Kaidan made a run to Mac before he could bring his foot down again, but a hard force hit his head from behind and knocked him to his knees. One of the thugs from before had recovered from the attack and punched the back of his head. Kaidan thought there were about a hundred better ways to knock him down then a fist to a hard skull, but these guys didn’t fight with logic.

As his attacker pulled his foot back for a kick, Kaidan spun around and swung out his leg. He hit right under the other and knocked their legs out from under them. Without waiting to see them hit the ground, Kaidan jumped up and ran towards Shepard. 

Though when he looked back over, he saw Mac with one knee on the ground and the other bend forward to get close to Shepard's face with his vicious snarl, “On your back Johnny, just the way I like you.”

Shepard’s blue eyes got big and he snapped one of his hands to the back of Mac’s bent knee and gave it a hard yank. The quick motion caused his knee to buckle forward and bring it to the ground. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to momentarily throw off his balance and allow Shepard to free his body. In a fluid motion, Shepard rose quickly to his feet before Mac could stand. He rose both hands over this head and covered one fist with the other. Then he brought them both down in a jackhammer swing to the side of Mac’s head.

The older boy crumbled while Shepard stood over him with heavy breaths. Meanwhile, Kaidan noticed the henchmen start to come back from their earlier beatings. Kaidan knew it wouldn’t be long before they turned their attention back to them. So he ran to Shepard and grabbed his sleeve to pull him in a different direction, “Come on Shepard, we need to go.” Kaidan went to leave, but Shepard violently shook him off.

“Get off me!” Kaidan turned to look at the battered boy with his heavy breaths, “Who the fuck are you?!” Shepard glared shards of glass at him while Kaidan’s heart seemed to hold still. Time seemed to freeze for a moment.

“Shepard, it's me, Kaidan.” His voice sounded small to him and that may have been because a numb feeling of cold terror and dread was creeping into his mind. The longer he looked into the eyes of the person he’d known for years, who he’d loved for years, all he could see was a veil of doubt. This boy didn’t trust him.

A sick feeling filled his gut.

_Is that what I looked like when I met Shepard on Horizon?_

Kaidan didn’t dwell on the thought as Shepard’s reply was thrown at him like acid, “I don’t know any Kaidan.” The panic from before was swelling anew.

“No, you know me, we’re-” Kaidan’s borderline pleading was interrupted by loud sirens and the glaring of blue and red lights. Everyone’s attention went to the entrance to the back alley where police cruisers were starting to park. Kaidan noticed everyone in the alley stop what they were doing to look at the new arrivals. Even Mac, who was slowly pulling himself off the ground, stopped to look at the flashing lights.

“Shit.” With that quiet word from Shepard, they all made a run for it. Mac’s goons made a run to different exits as the man himself stumbled to his feet to flee. Shepard turned sharp on his feet and began to sprint from the glowing red lights. It took Kaidan a minute to register what was going on and he hesitated to move. But as Shepard moved farther away from him, Kaidan made up his mind.

He tore after Shepard as fast as he could as he took different turns down random streets. Behind him, he could hear the shouts of police he ignored as he ran after Shepard. Though with each turn he took, Kaidan kept losing distance. As Shepard lead him deeper into the dark allies of tall buildings, Kaidan was slowing watching him disappear. Then Kaidan rounded a corner and found it empty of all traces of him. He tried calling out to Shepard, but there was no response. Kaidan now found himself alone once more in the strange city with nowhere to go. He was back to where he started.

So again, Kaidan wondered with no direction, though this time he kept his eyes peeled to see if he could spot the silhouette of a shaved head teen. He also made an effort to take note of where he was walking. He wondered for a good hour reading each street name out. He passed by an old bakery that may have still been running, but it was debatable. He walked along Seneca Ave and there was an old 24 hr dinner with a single patron sitting at a booth. Then he turned the corner onto Larch Street and there was something uncanny about it. He felt like he recognized it, almost. There was something about it that looked familiar but in a distorted kind of way. Like trying to draw a picture from memory and getting some of the details wrong. But when Kaidan turned onto York Ave, that’s when he stopped and knew why it was all familiar.

The two-story house in front of him sat low compared to the large buildings that hunched over it. It had a new coat of paint in light colors and the welcome mat didn’t even have a stain on it. There was a sand-colored fence that wrapped around the backyard and a cute welcome sign hanging on the front door decorated with flowers. The house looked like a joke painting by how out of place it looked among the broken concrete and dirty street. And he knew the house didn’t belong there. He knew that the house was supposed to be in the Kitsilano district in Vancouver, not far from the English Bay. He knew that because it was his parents’ house and the place he grew up.

With caution as to not break the illusion, Kaidan walked up to the door and tested the old fashion handle, it was unlocked. He pushed the door open and could hear a sweet humming coming from the back room. He shut the door lightly behind him and made sure to turn the lock. On light feet, he headed towards the sound and looked in the small living room to see his mother sitting on the couch typing out some message on her omni tool while their TV played some old show Kaidan didn’t know the name of. 

It was surreal, standing in his childhood home in the skin of a teenager he had long since grown out of. Everything familiar, yet shrouded in a veil of inaccuracy. Even the woman who sat on the couch didn’t look like the older woman who picked up Normandy and wished them heartfelt goodbyes as they headed out on their mission. She lacked the grey hair and aged wrinkles she wore so well. She looked a bit thinner than her older age allowed and less frail. Yet, she was the same. She still had the laugh lines around her thin lips and her honey eyes with thick lashes. She hummed a tune Kaidan heard his whole life and it was as sweet as all the other times he heard it. It was his mother, just a much younger version.

As he got closer, she looked up over her shoulder and saw him. Her face broke out into a smile that crinkled her eyes, “Sweety, you’re home.” Her voice sounded just like her’s. She got up from her spot and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder and he could almost laugh at how familiar it felt. When she pulled back she raised a hand up and wiped a smudge off his cheek, “It’s a little late but I made some dinner.” She looked him up and down and frowned. Kaidan became hyper-aware of his BAat uniform and found himself even more confused when his mother gave a huff, “Have you been rolling around in the dirt? Your pants are filthy.”

Kaidan felt speechless, he didn’t know what was happening. He thought she’d be confused, he wasn’t supposed to be here, especially not in his BAat uniform. He was supposed to be at the station where no contact back home was allowed. Yet she didn’t seem concerned about any of that. Just slightly annoyed his clothes were dirty.

He surveyed the house as he absently heard his mother telling him to throw his clothes into the wash or something. The house was the same, but it was decorated differently then it had been. His mother had posted all kinds of photos of him in various parts of his military career along with family photos of him and Shepard with their friends. But there was none of that present. Only old family photos of them at the bay or family outings. Then Kaidan’s eye caught the digital calendar hanging on the wall and he interrupted his mother, “Is that the right date?”

His mother looked back to the wall he was pointing at. The calendar read October 2, 2170, 01:07 am. His mother looked back to him, “Yes, that’s right.”

Kaidan glanced back down at himself but it didn’t make any sense. 2170 was two years after the BAat incident and he would have been 19. Yet there he was, 17 in his BAat uniform in the wrong year, standing in a house in the wrong place. Kaidan could feel a headache coming on and deep exhaustion as he tried to make sense of the chaos around him.

His mother caught on and looked a little worried. She placed a hand on the side of his cheek, “Honey, you look tired. Why don’t you go to bed? We don’t want to spur on a migraine.”

He just absently nodded his head in agreement and went to take the stairs up to his room. His mother called out to him, “Good night Kaidan, I love you.”

She always told him she loved him. He nodded his head as he reached the base of the stairs, “I love you too.” He said it more out of routine than anything. As he took the wooden steps up he felt the third one squeak as it always did. When he reached the door to his room he pushed it open. Inside was a full bed pushed against the far wall with a large window above it. A desk sat opposite of it with his personal computer resting atop. The walls had a few old posters of miscellaneous movies he hadn't thought about in years and the top of his dresser was cluttered with papers he only vaguely knew the nature of. The room looked exactly as it did when he was 19 and still trying to piece his life together after BAat. 

With exhaustion clouding his mind and too much to process, he shut the door behind him and walked in. He stripped off his dirty uniform and opened a drawer to find an assortment of shirts and boxers. They were all a little big, sized for his 19 year old frame and not what he was now, but it worked. He pulled back the sheets and crawled under the covers. It was cold. He knew it wouldn’t take long for this body to warm the bed, but he also thought it was pretty cold without anyone else there. He’d gotten pretty used to having Shepard by him when he fell asleep, listening to the steady ins and outs of his breath that always turned into loud snores. Without him, it felt much colder than before.

As he settled in for the night, he hoped that when he opened his eyes again, it would be to some hospital room or next to Shepard. Just not in an old room in a city he didn’t belong to.

☆

There was beeping in his ear. It was loud and unpleasant. Then the beeping turned into a rough static accompanied by broken words and syllables he could almost make out. With great effort, Kaidan pulled himself for the dreamless sleep he was having into the dark space.

As he opened his eyes, they slowly adjusted to the room and he almost cried when he saw he was still in the bedroom of his childhood home. The only light illuminating the small space was a flashing white light from his computer to indicate an incoming message. From his bed, he heard rough static like a broken radio.

Kaidan quickly got up and went to investigate. Broken words tried to solidify, but nothing was coming through. From his computer, he opened the outdated tech and tried to find the source. Though there was nothing there but a message notification for a video call. He hit accept, but nothing seemed to change. He tried opening the command hub and messing around there, but the static only gave garbled words. Right before Kaidan was about to unplug the things to get it to shut up, the words on the other end became a bit more clear, “Try….rard...hear me?....respo…Are you there?” The last sentence came clear at the end and he nearly jumped.

“I’m here! Can you hear me, this is Major Kaidan Alanko of the Alliance, do you read me?” He felt a little silly giving his full title when he looked like a child.

“Kaidan?...that...ou?” His name came clear and he thought he may have even recognized the voice.

“Tali! Tali is that you? Can you hear me?” His hands gripped the old tech like he was threatening it.

“Kaidan! We..ed you?...a minute…...boots….nection.” Her words still came in gargles with static obscuring it, but Kaidan could make out most of it. He waited patiently as the noise of static died down and Tali came back on the line, “Kaidan, can you hear me?” Her voice was a little distorted, but he could make out every word.

A feeling of relief washed over him as he heard the sound of his friend's voice, “I hear you Tali and boy, am I glad too.” 

“Kaidan! I can’t believe we made a connection. I’m so glad to hear from you!”

He released a shaking sign, “Tali, what’s going on? What happened?”

“We were on the reaper ship when Lemma restored power. Whatever operating system they had aboard did a system reset and when it came back online an automated protocol triggered.” 

“What kind of protocol, where did it take me?”

“You didn’t go anywhere. You and Shepard both got caught in the chamber’s activation sequence and passed out. Lemma and I have been trying to decipher the code and think it’s some kind of manipulated simulation code. It resembles the same programming the geth used when Shepard entered the Geth Consensus.”

Kaidan remembered that mission, back when they were on Rannoch. Shepard had entered some pod and a half-hour later walked out talking about the weird formation the digital world took shape as. But that wasn’t the detail that was important, “Wait, does that mean this is all a simulation?” 

_It’s not a dream……..good._

“What are you experiencing? We can’t see what you’re seeing, only the data it’s gathering and imputing. It’s hard to translate, but we noticed neural feedback from you too. Lemma managed to open a communications pathway. It's weird, seeing you out cold but hearing your voice, but it worked!"

A part of him felt relieved, he hadn’t lost his mind. It was nothing but a simulation like the Armax Arsenal Arena, “But how is this all possible, and how and I’m I here?” Kaidan looked around the darkroom with clear detail. It was _his_ room, in was _his_ house, with _his_ mother. Simulations put subjects into predetermined situations. Even the geth had to modify their simulation for Shepard to use. So how was he here, in a place he called home years ago?

“Kaidan, tell me where you are.”

Kaidan gave her a quick rundown of what his last few hours were. About BAat, about the city, about Shepard, about his house.

“Lemma was right, it sounds like the program is using your memories to generate the environment.”

“How’s that possible?” Kaidan’s heard of some impressive technology regarding the complicated network that is the mind, but pulling memoirs from someone's head with only a flash of light seemed beyond possible.

“Lemma’s running theory is that the machine is a mutation of geth virtual technology and reaper code tailored to organic life. Based on some of the reports Kal managed to decrypt, it seems to run simulations based on an organic’s life. Lemma found code that indicated the simulation's environmental data is pulled from the subject.”

“But Tali, it’s all wrong. The timeline doesn’t make sense, I’m two years behind and I don't live in this city. These aren’t my memories.” Kaidan was feeling a bit sick as Tali informed him of something he was already starting to figure out.

“I don’t think two people are supposed to be in the simulation at the same time, the memory data is getting mixed up.”

_Damn it. This city, these are Shepard’s memories._

Kaidan suddenly felt a lot colder than he did a minute ago, “Tali, is the Shepard I saw really him? Or just a product of the program?”

“I think that’s him. Only one report is processing, so I believe you both are in the same construction.”

“But he didn’t remember me! He didn’t even look like he vaguely knew who I was.” Kaidan was sure the harsh glare the young boy gave him was directed at a stranger. It was too cold for anything his Shepard would point at him.

Tali was quiet for a long time before she spoke, “I'm not sure why. You seem to remember everything leading up to the flash, but it sounds like Shepard might have some type of memory block. I’m not sure why you two are experiencing this differently. We’re still trying to figure out how the program even managed to interact with your biology. I’m sorry Kaidan, I don’t have all the answers yet, but we’re all working on it.”

Kaidan gave a sigh, “Forget the technical details, can you get us out? I don’t want to stay here any longer.” In the end, it didn’t matter how this reaper junk worked, as long as they were able to get out of this nightmare.

“We’re working on it. We can’t risk trying to remove your bodies from the chamber without knowing what’ll happen. We don’t know how it functions and we don’t want to hurt you two. We’re trying to find a way to shut the process down now.”

It was probably smart to not just yank them out and hope for the best. This thing had its digital finger deep in their memory and he didn’t want to think about what would happen if they were ripped away, “Do you know how long it’ll take?”

“We’ve been working consistently for the past 40 mins and made good progress-”

“Wait, 40mins? How long have we been in here?”

“A little over an hour.”

“Tali, I've been in here for hours.” Or at least it felt like hours to Kaidan and the clocks seemed to have his back on this one.

“Really? It could be the simulation is running faster through time that feels normal to the subject. Maybe a few hours for you is only a few minutes in real-time. I….I’m not sure.”

“Got it.” He felt the pangs of a headache start to push at his eyes.

“Hang in there, Kaidan.” Tali sounded a bit sad, maybe even worried. He didn’t blame her. This was an unknown situation and he and Shepard were at its mercy.

“So what now?” Kaidan leaned back at his desk chair and looked to the empty ceiling.

“I’m going to try and open a connection to Shepard and maybe we can help explain what’s going on. That way you two can-”

Tali stopped mid-sentence and Kaidan looked back over to the monitor, “Tali?”

“Lemma, why is the channel interface closing?” Tali’s question wasn’t directed at him and he heard the slight panic in her voice.

“Reaper safety protocols have been activated in response to third party interference. Defensive mea...e are….ing...ow.” Lemma’s distant voice could be heard over the com and began to break up. The static from before started coming back.

“Tali! Tali can hear me!?” Kaidan moved back to the terminal to try and boost the signal.

“Kaida…! I’ll ca...ou back...Just wait…..soon….epard!” Then her line went dead and all noise left the room. 

Kaidan sat at his desk with his hands hovering about the keypad looking at the now blank monitor like a fool. He then spent the next few moments desperately trying to reopen the connection, but had no luck and kicked his desk with frustration. He clenched his fist tight. He was stuck in a shitty simulation and Shepard had no idea who he was. This was not the mission they signed up for. But then again, in his military career, he rarely got the mission he signed up for.

He took a few breaths to calm his wired nerves. He needed to clear his mind and focus on the task at hand. There wasn’t really anything he could do to help the people working on the current problem. He looked at his clock and read 04:53 am, he stood from his desk. He put on a comfortable pair of pants and tucked a shirt into them out of habit. He put on a thick windbreaker to fight off the autumn air and put on his sneakers. He grabbed a backpack from his closet and put an old black flight jacket his dad had given to him into it. Then he went down the stairs and threw in two water bottles and some granola bars he found in the kitchen cabinet. He opened the fridge and saw his mom had packed away some hamburger helper in tupperware. He grabbed it along with some plastic utensils and threw them in. With the pack secured on his back, he headed out the door. He stepped out into the cold morning in the hopes of finding Shepard.

☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, we're finally getting into what this stories about! Aka: a really complicated way for me to let Kaidan interact with Shepard before he became the commander everyone knows.  
> Anyways, let me know if there are any typoes that need correction!  
> Thank you all so much again! I know this one had a slow start, so I hope you enjoy it more as things begin to progress!


	4. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan tires to find Shepard among a sea of unfamiliar faces and surroundings.

Kaidan pulled his windbreaker a little closer to himself to stave off the chilled breeze. He had been wandering the streets for the past hour not quite sure where to look for one person in a sea of lives. As he walked down the streets, he was able to look at the city with more detail. Without the shadow of night, the cracks and stains looked more prominent. The neon lights had been turned off painting the city in shades of solemn grey. With the shadows gone, the ladies of the night had transformed into rag dolls appealing to none but the desperate. Faces became more abundant, but none looked happy to see the sun. In the light of day, Kaidan could see the track marks running up the arms of people hunched in the allies next to piles of trash. Buildings he would have guessed abandoned now had people smoking out the windows and sweeping off dirt from porches in a fruitless attempt to clean the decaying concrete.

The city at night felt like walking on a blade's edge, one wrong step and the shadows would consume you. The city in the day had no dark corners for the damaged people to hide in and left its streets a sad sight. Kaidan hated seeing it, he always did. Whether it was on the citadel or some colony, there were always people suffering like this. Only this place struck another nerve because this city's tale was told through the eye of another. The eyes of someone who lived this hell and never told the story.

The truth was, Kaidan didn’t know much more about Shepard’s past than the rest of the galaxy. A quick externet search and anyone could learn the commander grew up in some shit hole on Earth and got mixed up with some bad people to stay afloat. Then at 18 he joined the service and never looked back, only ever aiding the lives of others from then on out. He was the success story every parole officer wishes upon their charge. 

Kaidan only knew a few more details like how Shepard was dropped off at some orphanage at the age of 5 and never knew who his parents were. Kaidan knew that the orphanage was underfunded and located in a bad part of town. The lady who ran the place had a bit of meth addiction the state never caught on to. That eventually led to Shepard stealing his paperwork and running away at 12 to go live on the streets by himself. Kaidan also knew it was rough and pushed Shepherd to things he wasn’t proud of. He joined a gang and started running drugs for them so he could survive long enough to get out. Then, the day before his 18th birthday, Shepard took a midnight bus to the closest Alliance recruiter he could find. He sat in front of the building for 4 hours waiting for it to open. That was the start of a new beginning for him and the only details he had ever told Kaidan.

Kaidan had tried asking more questions, but Shepard never said anything else. He had told Kaidan it was in the past and to leave it there. He understood that, wanting the mistakes of the past to not haunt the present. He understood that even more now as he walked the sad place Shepard had once called home with its dangerous faces and uncaring people.

Kaidan walked a little longer till he saw a group of people stocking through the back allies. He wasn’t going to pay them any attention, it wasn’t the first people he saw that morning rummaging around in shady places, but something caught his eye. A patch of a flaming skull on the back of a leather jacket. With the sun’s rays shining bright, he could see the color better and saw it was a red flaming skull with the letters, “10th SR” crudely stitched on.

Kaidan stopped and looked closer, it was the group from the night before. He saw each face in the sun’s light for the first time and all five looked dirty and pissed. They were marching down some back streets and he saw Mac walk by. His nose was bruised and his eyes were rimmed with dark purple. He led the pack as they walked.

Kaidan gave them a thirty-second head start then stalked after them. He figured they were his best lead on finding any information on Shepard. He followed them at a safe distance as the entourage weaved in and out of the streets. Eventually, they came to a part of the town that looked like an earthquake ran through it and no one bothered to clean up. Buildings were half gone leaving behind their infrastructure, walls were collapsed, and large slabs of concrete covered walkways. Yet as he followed them, Kaidan would glance between broken bricks and see people’s belongings resting in the half-destroyed structures. Some left behind evidence of sleeping bags or worn fabric while others still laid in their makeshift beds oblivious to the world.

Kaidan stopped and hid behind a wall when the group stopped at one of the buildings a little more put together than the rest. He saw Mac direct half or his party and send them around the back while the others disappeared through the damaged doors. Kaidan waited patiently from his vantage point. After a short time, the members of the group slowly started emerging from the old building and regrouped. They all shook their heads at Mac and they moved on. This process repeated itself a few times at various buildings all looking to be in different states of decay. 

Eventually, they reached another one that was made of brick. It was bordered by two equally tall buildings only being separated by a small alley with fences blocking both sides. Mac gave out the orders and again half the group rounded for the back and jumped the fence. Meanwhile, the others went in through the front all while Kaidan watched from the shadows of a building across the street. He leaned on the side of it as he observed the empty road. After a few minutes passed, Kaidan saw movement.

One of the windows on the third floor leading to the fire escape open up and a duffel bag was thrown through it. The pack landed on the fire escape’s platform and Kaidan watched as Shepard quietly stepped through the window. Kaidan felt his heart pick up speed at the sight of the other. He watched silently as Shepard quickly moved down the fire escape to the ground floor with his duffel slung on his shoulders. Once his feet met solid earth, he quickly went to the mouth of the alley not blocked by the fence, and looked to the front of the building. When he didn’t see anyone, Shepard turned down the road at a jog in the opposite direction of Mac’s crew.

Kaidan willed his heart to slow and gave Shepard a small lead. Then he quietly took off after him. Staying to the shadows the best he could, Kaidan followed him through the winding streets until Shepard’s jog changed to a fast walk. Kaidan found himself having to stay on his toes and frequently dodge Shepard's glances as he kept checking his tail for any pursuit.

After a good ten minute of Kaidan trailing him, Shepard suddenly made a right turn down an alley and Kaidan had to jog to catch up. When he looked down the way, Shepard was gone and Kaidan had a moment of panic thinking he’d lost him again. He quickly made his way to the alley's exit and found himself in an empty section of an abandoned street. Before he could survey where Shepard had gone, he was sharply tugged back and his back pinned to cold stone. The shove was harsh and pushed a small grunt from him as his shoulders dug into the stone wall behind him. Then he felt the touch of cold iron on his throat and he held deathly still. Standing with a fist clenched tight in Kaidan’s windbreaker holding a sharp balisong knife to his throat was Shepard. He glared at Kaidan like a guard dog and when he noticed Kaidan’s eyes adjust on him, he pushed the blade a little closer to the tender skin of his neck with no mercy.

“ _You_ , why are you following me?” His words were the verbal equivalent of a wolf showing its teeth, all warnings and hostility. And for the first time on the dangerous streets, he found himself wondering what would happen if he died in this weird reaper simulation. Would he wake up and give the waiting crew a smile or would it start the simulation over again until his body in the real world eventually died of starvation? He didn’t know and he didn’t want to find out.

Kaidan raised his hand in an innocent gesture, “Shepard, I just want to talk.”

He saw the other bristle, “How do you know my name?”

The edge of the blade pushed further in threatening to break skin. And the worst part, Kaidan didn’t have a good answer to that question. He had a feeling telling Shepard he was his husband and they were stuck in a simulation would probably end up with him having a broken nose in the best-case scenario. So instead, he did something he wasn’t very good at and he lied, “We went to school together.”

Shepard pulled the side of his mouth up in an unconvinced expression, “The fuck we did, what’s your name?”

“Kaidan, Kaidan Alenko.”

He felt Shepard's grip tighten and it pulled the fabric of his jacket uncomfortably against his neck, “I don’t know a Kaidan.”

His heart pulled a little at the statement, but he didn’t let it distract him. Instead, he focused on what he knew to get through this encounter. He knew Shepard hadn’t finished high school. During his first two years of service, he worked to get his GED and later a bachelor's in military science which would develop into a master's later on in his career. As for his short run of public school, Kaidan only hoped he didn’t remember enough to call him out on it, “We were young. The um, sixth and seventh grade. We were friends.”

Shepard released a dry laugh with no humor in it and pushed his blade against Kaidan’s throat. He could feel the small slice of skin and sweat formed on his brow despite the cold air, “You think you can just make shit up and I’d believe you?! I didn’t have friends so what do you really want? Did Val send you?” Shepard’s words were spat at him like venom and he could see the fire burning through his crystal eyes.

“No! And I promise I know you!” He gave a small hiss as Shepard pushed the blade a little deeper. He only had one idea left to get Shepard to believe him, “I can provide it! Your name’s John Shepard, you were born on April 11, 2154. Your favorite color is blue and you hate the taste of raw onions unless it’s on a hot dog. When you were younger you thought the word Pacific was the same as specific.” He felt the knife slowly lift away as Shepard pulled back a bit in shock.

“How-” But Kaidan didn’t let him finish the thought. He wanted there to be no room for doubt that he _knew_ his Shepard.

He leaned in a little and spoke in a loud whisper, “You have a birthmark on your right hip that you think looks like a spaceship logo from the 1950s.” Kaidan thought it looked more like the profile of a dog, they never settled who was right in that argument.

Shepard pulled back completely and released Kaidan from his grip. He saw a light pink raise to Shepard’s cheeks as he gave him a glare, though Kaidan thought it looked less threatening and more annoyed, “How do you know all that?!”

Kaidan rose a hand to his neck and felt the small cut, “Because you told me. Like I said, we were friends.” He pulled his hand away and saw a small smear of blood on his finger.

Shepard still looked a little unconvinced, but he wasn’t threatening him anymore, “I don’t remember you.”

It surprised Kaidan how much that statement hurt. He already knew it but it felt like a strong punch to the gut to hear him say it out loud, “Well, it was a long time ago, I guess.”

Again, Shepard looked unconvinced, or maybe just weirded out. Kaidan wouldn't get to ask as their conversation was interrupted by approaching footsteps, “I didn’t know boy scouts were your type, Johnny.” They both looked up to see Mac and some of his cronies slowly approaching them, “I’ll consider myself lucky, I was hoping to meet him again. I didn't get to rearrange his face like I wanted to last time.” As they got closer, he and Shepard looked in the opposite direction to flee, but the rest of his crew was coming up the street, blocking their exit. Slowly the group of thugs began to surround them in a semi-circle against the wall.

Kaidan felt his back hit the stone and he saw Shepard clench his knife till his knuckles turned white. Through gritted teeth, Shepard’s voice came out raw, “How did you-”

Mac stepped forward, but Kaidan noted he didn’t get within Shepard’s rage, “We saw your boy scout running through the streets. Lead us right to you.”

“Fuck!” The word was shot past his lips like a bullet and he gave Kaidan a mean side glare. 

“You can give him a tongue lashing for it later, Johnny. First, tell me where the package is!” Mac pulled his shoulders back and snarled like a wild dog.

Shepard bristled and squared up to the older man, “I. Don’t. Have. _It._ ”

“Bullshit! Do you know what Val’s gonna do to me if I don’t have that fucking package!” 

Shepard pulled the corner of his mouth into a sick smile, “Beat you to a pulp if you’re lucky. Put you six feet under if you’re not.” 

Mac’s features turned red, “You _jackass_!” 

Shepards’s smile turned almost cruel, “That’s what you get putting your fingers in Val’s shipment. She’s going to gut you like a fish.” 

Mac twisted his head skyward and Kaidan heard the hiss of air through his teeth. Then he looked back to them a little more composed but no less hostile. He gave Shepard a once over with sharp eyes, “I’m not the one who’s gonna get gutted. Get his duffel.” 

The next thing Kaidan knew, Mac and his team was on them like a swarm of crazed hornets. Mac made a jump for Shepard while Kaidan tried to dodge an incoming punch to the face. He stepped to the side and avoided the blow but felt another guy pull on his arm. He stumbled in their direction and the guy wound his leg up and slammed his knee into his stomach. The force knocked the air from his lungs and he gave a wheeze. Then he felt a strong blow to his back that forced him to his knees. Before Kaidan could recover, he saw a foot flying at him. His vision went black as he slammed onto his back. The shoe had made contact right below his nose and he felt a split in his lip and the taste of gravel in his mouth. He rolled over to his side and coughed out a ragged breath. Before he could compose himself, another shoe was slammed into his side and knocked him back over. For a simulation, all the pain felt real. 

Two guys stood over him as he wiggled on the ground trying to wheeze in air. He felt scrapes on his elbows from where they hit the asphalt and saw light tendrils of dark on the edge of his vision. Kaidan knew he had to get on his feet if he wanted to take these street thugs down. But before he could get a chance, another foot rammed into his stomach and Kaidan felt vile rise to his throat. Then another blow, a fist this time, came down on his tender ribs. It was a blur after that to say which blow came from where, he just focused on keeping his head covered. 

From his place on the ground, he managed to look over to Shepard. He had two of the thugs restraining him, one for each arm. Shepard thrashed against them violently, but they had a strong hold on him. Meanwhile, Mac stood in front of him with Shepard’s duffel in one hand and the balisong knife in the other. Kaidan’s blood turned cold when we saw the red crimson dripping from the polished metal. White filled his vision when he saw the stream of red blood running down Shepard’s face. Mac looked down on Shepard with a cruel snarl that showed his canines. 

A spark ran across Kaidan’s cold flesh and the smell of eezo drifted to his nose. A sharp pain flared in the back of his neck where he felt his amp come to life. He could feel it, the ripple along his skin, the warmth in his palm, the pull in the air, and he grabbed onto it. In a moment he snapped the energy around him. It pushed out like an earthquake and he was the epicenter. His two attackers were lifted off their feet as they were flung back and slid across the ground. He finally stood on his feet and felt the familiar pulse of his biotics running across his numbed skin. 

He took a moment to breathe through the pain of his sore body and let his biotics flare to life. He had wanted to avoid using them, “He’s one of those freaks!” Because of that. Kaidan glanced over to see one of the people he pushed away laying on their back staring wide-eyed at him. The fear in his face with his bulging eyes highlighted the youth of their attackers. Kaidan was unpleasantly reminded how they were all barely adults. And the way they looked at him served as a harsh reminder of the public's opinion on biotics. 

But Kaidan also reminded himself that this was nothing but a simulation and the youthful attackers were nothing but lines of reaper code. So he looked over to the group still holding Shepard captive. Each one looked at him with a level of disbelief and fear, even Shepard’s wide eyes stared at him with shock. 

Kaidan raised his hand. Blue light covered the two people holding Shepard’s arms and they looked down with panic. He flicked his wrist and threw them across the alley, hitting the ground with a skit. With his newfound freedom, Shepard quickly stood but kept his eyes on him. Kaidan ignored it for the moment and looked to Mac. 

The other stood on the balls of his feet looking ready to flee but unable to move, “What kind of fucking muton are you?” 

“The kind you don’t piss off.” Kaidan raised his hand again and lifted Mac from the ground. The man looked around in a panic and tried to struggle free of his levitation. Kaidan returned him to the ground as he slammed him back down to earth on his back. He heard the loud groan he choked out as his body made contact with the hard asphalt. The knife flung from his hand and Mac was left coughing for air. Behind him, Kaidan heard the shuffling of feet. He glanced over to see his two attackers running away like scared prey. The other two he flung off Shepard were also trying to pull themselves together enough to flee as they stared at him like he was the reaper. 

As Kaidan watched them try to stand with wobbly legs, he felt a hand pull at his jacket. He looked over to see Shepard who had removed his duffel bag from Mac’s struggling form. He pulled hard on Kaidan’s sleeve, “What are you waiting for? Let’s go!” 

With that, Shepard turned on his heels and started running out the way they came. Kaidan followed close behind and felt his backpack slump on his shoulder. He looked down to see one of the straps had broken, so he braced it against his chest and stayed on Shepard’s heels. 

Through the concrete maze, Shepard led them through empty allies and abandoned buildings. He kept a quick pace Kaidan made sure to match as he looked back every now and then to see if anyone was following them. No one was. 

Eventually, Shepard slowed his pace when they got to a street crowded with old buildings but lacking any people. He slid them into a narrow alley only a few feet wide and climbed over a tall metal fence. Kaidan followed and only struggled a little with his bruised body and broken backpack. When he finally made it, he caught up to Shepard who was at the back door of an old building with large cracks running up its brick walls. The backdoor and windows on the first floor were all boarded up with thick cuts of wood, preventing anyone from getting in. 

Kaidan watched as Shepard went to one of the windows and gazed around their empty surroundings. Kaidan looked behind them and noticed for the first time an old park made up the back yards of this place. Old playground equipment was lost to rust and overgrown grass. He saw something that may have been a fountain at one point, but only resembled a pile of concrete now. Once Shepard determined the coast was clear, he reached up for a brick in the wall by the window frame. He shook it until it came loose and pulled it out. He then saw Shepard stick his hand in the hole and, with a push, the board on the window fell back. Shepard looked to him and then motioned to the window with his brows. Kaidan took his cue and walked over to step inside. 

He crawled through the window and looked around. It was just another abandoned building with cracks up the foundation and mold where there was water damage. He thought it might have been the start of a small apartment complex with half-finished walls being erected among the floor space. He turned around when he heard Shepard follow him. He watched as Shepard replaced the loose brick, put the wood plank back over the window, and pick up a cut of 2 by 4 off the ground. He then wedged it in front of the loose brick where it held the wood board firmly in place over the entrance, a clever way to conceal the door to this place. Without the light from the open window, the building took on a sinister feeling as shadows crept in. Oblivious to the new feeling of dread, Shepard marched past him and started making his way up an old pair of half-finished stairs. Kaidan followed close behind. 

They went up another flight until they were on the third floor and Shepard turned into an open area. The pace lacked a carpet or proper floors. Instead, it was just the concrete foundation with the support pillars filling the space. Spider webs and dust covered most of the surfaces with tracks of dirt on the ground. It smelled like stale air and he could feel the chill in the room that was only a little better than outside. A few windows lacking any boards illuminated broken glass and crushed cans pushed to the edges of the space. 

Against one of the walls, Kaidan saw a pile of worn fabric. It took him a moment to realize there was a thin mattress under it and the fabric’s were an assortment of old blankets. 

_No. Don’t tell me this where you live, Shepard._

Kaidan felt sick as he took in the makeshift home. He turned around to Shepard when he heard wood scraping along the ground. The boy was crouched by a wall and pushing a wooden crate away from it where he revealed a hole cracked in the concrete. Blood was smeared across his face from where he tried to rub it from his eyes. His hands were bloody and his denim jacket was stained crimson. From his crouched position he stuck his arm deep inside and pulled out an old metal ammunition case. He threw it to the side then stuck his hand back in. This time, Shepard pulled out a plastic gallon half full of water. 

Shepard stood and grabbed the items he retrieved with his duffel bag still slung over his shoulder. He walked past Kaidan and nodded his head in the direction of the blanket pile without stopping, “Come on.” He didn’t look back to see his response as he walked over to the ragged bed. He threw his duffel onto it and kicked an old milk crate Kaidan’s way. He used his foot to pull another one over and sat down on it. 

Kaidan followed his lead and took a seat on the warped plastic. He slid his backpack off and felt the soreness of his body. He wiped at his mouth where he felt blood smear away as a spot on his ribs pulsed. He saw Shepard open the ammunition case, but he pulled it towards himself so Kaidan couldn’t see what was inside. From there he pulled out a plastic ziplock bag that had an assortment of medical items sealed away. He saw gauze, a few boxes of band-aids, random medicines, a half used bottle of antibacterial spray. He even recognized a small kit he knew had sanitized thread and a needle for emergency stitches in a pinch. 

Shepard closed the case and set it aside. He then opened the plastic bag and pulled out a somewhat clean rag and disinfectant. His sharp eyes suddenly went to Kaidan’s and he nearly jumped, “Here.” He threw the rag at him and Kaidan clumsily caught it, “You got blood on your face.” 

Kaidan carefully removed one of the wipes and began to clean the red mess off his lips as he watched Shepard stand and remove his bloodied demon jacket. As the jacket was removed, Kaidan could see just how thin Shepard’s frame was. The bones of his joints stuck out a little too far as his black shirt folded over him awkwardly. He was starting to believe that no matter what clothes Shepard wore, they were always going to look too big on the frail frame. And as Shepard examined his ruined jacked with a pissed expression, something dawned on Kaidan, “Hey, what year is it?” 

Shepard looked to him, “What, did you hit your head? It’s 2170.” Shepard threw his jacket to the ground, went to the fabric pile, and pulled out a tattered cloth. As he drenched it in water from the jug to wipe the blood from his face, Kaidan did the math. 

“You’re 16?” 

Shepard looked to him with hostile shock, “How did you-” 

“I know your birthday, remember?” 

“Oh,” Shepard looked back down to continue his task, “right.” 

Kaidan didn’t really hear his response, he was too distracted staring at the almost withered frame of the young man in front of him. It was almost impossible to think this wiry kid standing at 5’6 would grow to be the 6’2 wide shouldered commander he knew so well. Hard to imagine that, with only a year apart in their physical states, Kaidan stood a good four inches over him. But if Kaidan looked closer, he could see it. See the limbs that were a bit too long for the body and shoulders that poked out too far. Right now, Shepard was a mismatch of potential. A teen just waiting to hit the mark that would fill out his build and bring him to his full height. But it took a lot for a teen to grow and Kaidan didn’t think Shepard had the resources to fuel it. 

Shepard rose his damp rag to the spit on his brow and winced. It pulled Kaidan from his thoughts and he stood up, “You should let me look at that.” He took a step closer to Shepard but the other turned on him like a dog growling. 

“I don’t need your help.” 

“Shepard, I know a few things about bad wounds. Let me just take a look.” Kaidan took another step in his direction, but Shepard’s growl got louder. 

“I don’t give a shit! Listen hear Alenko, I only brought you here as payback for getting those guys off me and that’s it! You should consider yourself lucky I didn't leave you for the pigs considering you led those guys to me!” 

Kaidan raised his hand up trying not to wince at the harsh tone, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know they saw me. Maybe they won’t come for you again after what happened.” With how scared they looked, Kaidan hoped they’d think twice before causing another brawl. 

That seemed to get Shepard to relax a bit and he looked Kaidan up and down, “So...you’re a biotic?” 

Kaidan felt his heart pound, “Ya, I am.” He waited for the follow up, the fear, the questions, the hate. But all that came was Shepard pushing out a huff and pulling a pack of butterfly bandages from his ziplock bag. The cut across his brow started bleeding again and Shepard cursed under his breath and he grabbed his rap once more. 

This time Kaidan didn’t let him stop his approach, “Let me help.” When Shepard tried swatting him away he gave his own glare, “Shepard.” The other stilled a bit but looked no less happy about it, “This is my fault so let me pay you back.” Shepard didn’t stop him when he tenderly touched the skin around the wound to get a better look at the damage, though he could feel how tense he was under his hands. Mussel pulled tight ready to move in an instant. A coiled cobra just waiting to strike. 

The cut sliced across his right brow and, while it was deep, it was short in length. A stitch or two wouldn’t hurt, but Kaidan doubt he could convince him to go to a doctor, “Do you have any medagel?” They could both use a small dose for all the bruises and cuts. 

A sharp breath that doubled as a cruel laugh shot from Shepard, “You mean that fancy shit at the hospital? Ya, tons of it. Let me just pull out my black card” 

_A no would have been fine._

Though Kaidan kept the thought to himself and took the rag and bandages from Shepard's hand. He spent the next few moments carefully cleaning the wound with the anti-bacterial spray and putting a butterfly bandage above and below his brow. Once that was done, he looked through the bag of miscellaneous meds and found a bottle of old fashion ibuprofen and popped the lid, “Here.” He handed Shepard two pills and he regarded them with suspicion, “You’ll thank me in a few hours when your bruises start to really hurt.” Shepard took the pill and swallowed them with no water. 

Once that was over Kaidan walked over to his milk crate and finished cleaning the last of his lip wound. As he did it, Shepard turned his back to him and pulled the stained shirt off his back. With the oversized shirt gone, Kaidan could see the outline of ribs and a bruise along his left shoulder blade. His narrow shoulders tapered to a narrow waist that was too small for there to be any beauty in it. Sharp edges of his shine poked from his skin and patches of discoloring suggested faded bruises. He didn’t have long to take in the crude sight as Shepard quickly threw on another shirt he grabbed off the ground. 

Though the boney image reminded Kaidan of his backpack. He picked it off the ground and opened it, “Hey, I have something for you.” 

Shepard looked back over to him as he pulled out the old jacket he packed, “Me?” 

“Ya.” He handed Shepard the black jacket and absently noticed that it would probably be too big on him like the last one. Shepard reached a tentative hand out and took the fabric to investigate. While he unfolded it, Kaidan also pulled out the old tupperware of pasta and the fork he packed. He reached out and offered them to Shepard too. 

Shepard just stood there looking at the items like they would turn to snakes at any moment. They stood there so long, Kaidan’s extended arm began to hurt. Then Shepard eventually narrowed his eyes at him, “Why?” 

“Why what?” 

“Why are you giving me these things?” 

_Because your gross denim jacket is too thin for October and you’re practically skin and bones._

But Kaidan didn’t say that out loud, “Because I’m your friend.” 

“No, you’re not.” Shepard was back to almost snarling at him, “At best, you’re somebody I used to know. Somebody I don’t remember, which makes you a stranger, not a friend. So why are you really doing this?” 

Kaidan ignored the pang in his heart at being called a stranger once more and had to give him credit for his argument. Right now he was pretty sure the only thing keeping them within the same building was the fact that Kaidan managed to convince him, just a little, that they knew each other once. It was becoming very clear to him that gaining Shepard’s trust was going to be a slow process but he was a patient man, “I just thought you’d like a jacket because yours is covered in blood. Like I said, it was my fault you got caught, so the least I can do is make it up to you a bit. Besides, you brought me here and let me patch up my lip. I think I owe you now.” Shepard looked unconvinced, “Listen, I’m not asking for anything in return. Just take it.” 

Shepard threw his black jacket back at him, “Everybody wants something Alenko, you’re no exception.” Shepard stepped up and took the tupperware, “I’ll take this as payment for the bandages but I don’t want your handouts.” He threw the food into this duffle bag and began pulling different things in and out of it. 

In the meantime, Kaidan found he didn’t really know what to do next. He completed his goal, he found Shepard, but he didn’t think it was going all that great. With nothing more to really do, he decided to strike up a conversation, “So, is this where you stay?” 

Shepard didn’t look up to him, “Sometimes.” 

“The brick thing is pretty smart. Hides the door well.” 

“Keeps people out.” Shepard’s responses were clipped. 

“Right, so what are you do-” 

Shepard whipped his head around, “How do you know me again?” 

“Oh, school. We hung out at school.” 

Shepard stood, “Then why haven’t I seen you around before? Out on the streets?” 

“Oh, I uh, left for a bit.” 

“Where?” 

“Um, ...boarding school.” Kaidan really wasn’t good at lying. 

Shepard scoffed, “You went to _boarding school_. What are you, some kind of rich kid?” 

“No, it was, um, well it wasn’t really boarding school.” Shepard gave him a glare that told him he was making a fool of himself, “It was more like an academy. A military academy...for biotics. But I just got back, so...” 

Shepard seemed to take his word for it or maybe he didn’t care because he turned back around to his duffel. Kaidan took a deep breath and began walking around the empty floor. There wasn’t much to explore, just cold concrete walls and dirty floors. Then he stopped when something caught his eye out the window that was on the opposite wall of the bed. He looked outside and his breath caught in his throat. Right outside the window across the street was a large billboard. It was faded and worn in places but the image of an Alliance soldier in their field gear could be made out clearly. They were standing in front of Arcturus Station with the vast beauty of space behind them. On the board in a clear text read, “A New Frontier, a New Destination, a New Mission. Be the Hero Earth Needs, Join the Alliance today.” The soldier stood with their head held high and proud even as the colors faded and time clawed at its corners. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw Shepard spot him and pull his duffel onto his back. He walked up beside him and looked at the billboard with a far off stare, “You said you went to a military academy?” 

“Yes.” 

“Was it run by the Alliance?” As Shepard asked that question, for a brief moment, Kaidan saw the person he knew flashed behind those blue eyes. The image of Shepard sitting on his pile of worn fabric looking out the window onto the billboard with its promises of faraway places flashed in his mind. 

_Is this where it all started for you? With a forgotten billboard and its promise of glory and adventure?_

He couldn’t help but appreciate the old billboard as he answered the question, “Yes.” 

“Did you like it?” 

_No._

BAat wasn’t a place anyone liked. It was a place where the blind lead the blind that often resulted in kids too young being pushed to a breaking point they’d never come back from. It was a dark mark on Alliance history, one they wished to erase with sealed records and hushed whispers. But that wasn’t the part of the Alliance most people experience. And for all its downfall, the Alliance had become a home to Kaidan, “I didn’t have a choice when I went there.” He noticed Shepard give him a side glance, “But it taught me a lot, and one day, I think I’ll go back.” And he did, eventually, on his terms. 

Shepard just released a huff at his response and turned his back on the window. He started making his way to the stairs as he grabbed his jacket off the ground. Kaidan walked up to him, “Where are you going?” 

“I got shit to do.” Kaidan grabbed his backpack and slung it onto his shoulder as Shepard rolled his eyes, “Without you.” 

“I can’t come?” Kaidan didn’t like the idea of not knowing where Shepard was going to be. 

Shepard turned a cold glare at him, “Do you think this is some kind of game? I got my own shit to do and I don’t need some fucking puppy following me around.” Shepard went to put his bloodied jacket back on. 

Kaidan grabbed his pilot jacket, “Fine, I get it, but at least put this jacket on. That one’s covered in blood.” 

“I told you, I don’t want it.” 

Shepard went to put his arm in the sleeve and Kaidan pulled it away with an annoyed huff, “Fine, then how about this, we trade. I’ll take yours and you can take mine.” 

“Shut up, you know that’s not a fair trade. Mine’s a piece of shit.” 

Kaidan didn’t know why Shepard cared so much. He was offering him a nicer, and warmer, jacket. He would have assumed most people in this city would have taken it in a heartbeat. Hell, they probability would have stolen it in a heartbeat! So why did he care so much? “Okay, then how about you just borrow it. I’ll take yours as collateral and you can give me back mine when I see you again.” 

Shepard looked at him unmoving as the cold concrete told him to take it. As if to prove his point, a strong breeze whipped through the tall buildings that seemed to chill the air a fraction more. Shepard suddenly raised a finger in the air, “On one condition,” Kaidan nodded his head and the finger pointed at him, “don’t follow me. None of that shit you pulled today with tailing me. You got it?” Kaidan gave a nod of his head and Shepard yanked the jacket from his hands while tossing the bloody one to him, “I want that back.” He said it as he pulled on the black one. 

The pilot jacket suited him better. It was still too big and pooled at his wrist and waist, but Kaidan thought it was closer to his size than the other. It was also warmer which eased his worried heart. With the jacket secured and his duffel bag tight along his back, Shepard made his way back to the staircase. 

Kaidan wanted to call out to him, make him stay, but he didn’t. He wanted to follow him, but he didn’t. He knew right now he needed to work on earning Shepard's trust and immediately breaking the promise he made wasn’t a good start. So he waited. Waited for what he thought was about a half-hour in the abandoned building listening to the police sirens and calls of the city. He waited until he thought Shepard had made it to whatever destination he left for. Then he left the two bottles of water and granola bars from his backpack next to the makeshift bed and walked down the two flights of stairs to the boarded-up first floor. He removed the woodblock that kept the board wedged in place and then moved the board. He stepped through the window and made sure to neatly replaced everything to conceal the entrance. When he was done, the building looked boarded up and abandoned leaving the world oblivious to its inhabitance. 

Kaidan only had a vague idea of where he was, so he started walking. He walked around the whole city mentally mapping his way through the streets till things became more familiar. He spent the rest of the virtual day trying to learn the streets and how to get from his house to Shepard’s blindfolded. While he did that, his mind wandered to Tali and Lemma working diligently, memories of BAat and alliance billboards, and a pair of crystal blue eyes. 

☆ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I was like, "Gonna update Wednesdays!" Then I didn't. Anyways, sorry for the delay! Thank you all for reading and the kudos!  
> Feel free to give me feedback or let me know of any typos!
> 
> See you all, for real this time, next Wednesday.


	5. Modern Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan finds Shepard once more and learns about his life in the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a slow chapter, but it talks a bit more about Shepard and who he was when he was younger.

Kaidan woke up at 05:18. The sun’s rays were only just beginning to show signs of their arrival as they painted the sky in misty pink hues. Though he wasted little time to admire the beauty of Earth as he got out of bed and started his daily routine. He went to the bathroom, took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, thought about shaving, realized there was nothing to shave, styled his hair, didn’t get far in that because it was too short to do anything with, and threw on a pair of thick jeans and an old t-shirt. 

The following night he had pulled a small bottle of medagel from their medicine cabinet and patched up his cuts and bruises from their encounter with Mac. He still had the cut along his lip, but most of the bruises faded and he felt little pain. He also threw Shepard’s bloodied jacket in the wash with some stain remover and crudely patched up the broken strap of his backpack. So now when he was running the streets he at least didn’t have to worry about that.

Kaidan threw the bottle of medagel into his newly repaired pack along with the freshly folded jacket. He was surprised to see the stains had come out. Though, upon closer inspection, the jacket was more worn than he first thought. He also rummaged around in the closet down the hall and found an old throw blanket neatly tucked away which he threw in with the other items. By the time he was done, only about half an hour passed and he was hesitant to head out to Shepard’s hobble too early. He didn’t want to wake him if he was asleep, though he briefly thought about how early he was up running from Mac’s thugs and the dark circles under his eyes. It probably wasn't unreasonable for him to assume Shepard was awake at this hour.

Still, he burned another forty minutes putzing around in his room till the boredom was too much. That’s when he grabbed his pack and started heading down the stairs. He slowed his fast descent about halfway down when he heard someone moving around on the first floor. He rounded the corner and saw his not mom rummaging around the kitchen, leaving small notes about. There was a suitcase resting by the front door. As he got a little closer, her soft eyes looked up to him and he could tell immediately she was worried about something. Despite that, she gave him a smile.

“Morning! I was just leaving some instructions on how to heat the meals I left. Remember, you just have to cook the pasta for the spaghetti, the sauce is already made and just needs to be heated. The stuffed cabbage is already cooked, just throw it in the microwave. There’s also leftover borshch and I made you some pierogis to snack on. If you go through all that, I left some money in the drawer so you can order pizza.” She gave a nervous smile as she finished the last of her notes and left them on the counter.

Kaidan stood in the entrance of the kitchen taking in the scene before him, “You’re leaving? Where?”

His mother looked up to him a little surprised, “I’m going to stay with Beth for a few days, remember?”

He knew Beth, Bethany Allen. She was his mother’s friend whose husband died during the First Contact War. Every year around the anniversary of his death, his mother would fly out to visit her for a couple of days to keep her company. They didn’t do it anymore, Beth had died during the Reaper’s invasion of Earth.

Kaidan tried to stay on track, “Oh, right! Ya, I remember, just slipped my mind.” But his mother’s worried eyes didn’t go away, “Are you alright? You seem…...nervous.”

His mother gave a huff with a sad smile, “You know, leaving her kid alone for a while, it's just a mother’s worry!” Kaidan didn’t look convinced and she knew it, “It’s just…..If you want me to stay you just have to tell me. Beth will understand.”

“What?” Kaidan didn’t know where this was coming from. He was never exactly a clingy child and this was a yearily trip she'd taken since he was a baby. It's not like it was out of the blue.

His mother walked over to him with a sweet smile, “With your dad gone, I get it if you want me to stay. I can push my trip off until he gets back.”

He was a little shocked to realize he hadn’t questioned where his father had been during the two nights he’d been here. In fact, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind, “Right, remind me, where is dad again?” 

His mother only looked more worried, “TDY on Arcturus Station.”

“Right,” That made sense, it was something he did about every six months for his work with the Alliance, “When will he be back?”

“A week.” The worried lines around her eyes got worse as she looked at him, “I’ll call Beth and let her know I’ll see her once he gets back.” 

She went to turn away but Kaidan stopped her, “No! You should go.” Having this foreign echo of his mother leave his only safe haven in this world seemed like a breath of fresh air.

“But Kaidan-”

“Mom really, I don’t need dad here and Beth needs you. I’ll be fine.”

“But what if you get a migraine or-” She released a sad huff, “I just want someone here for you in case anything happens.”

 _Oh_ , Kaidan remembered this. This wasn’t just any trip to visit a friend, this was his first time alone after BAat. He remembered now, his mother’s look of worry at the idea of him being alone with his biotics and a heavy heart. They had a conversation very similar to this as she left him in the empty house. And the next five days that followed were a test of how well he could manage the migraines and nightmares alone.

It all felt very nostalgic, though Kaidan didn’t know if that was good or not, “Mom, I’ll be okay. Trust me, I need to learn to be on my own if I’m ever going to move past all this and be independent. If anything bad happens, you’ll be the first to hear about it, I promise.” His reply was almost identical to the one he told her decades before, though probably a little more elegantly put.

There was a brief moment as they looked to one another and he tried to convey the truth of his statement to her with everything he had. Eventually, she released a heavy sigh and wrapped her arms around him, “I know. I left all the emergency numbers including your doctor on the fridge. I’ll be back soon and if you need _anything_ , don’t hesitate to call.” She pulled back and gave him a warm kiss to his forehead, “Bye honey, I’ll see you soon.”

She pulled away and grabbed her suitcase. As she walked to the door, Kaidan couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips from the sweet memories playing back at him. It was only the sound of the door shutting that pulled him from the warm feeling as he realized his mother just stepped out onto the streets of a dangerous city and not the neighborhood they once knew. His happiness was transformed into fear and he darted after her. He threw the front door open and frantically looked around, desperate to call her back. But she was gone, vanished. There was nothing but the decaying asphalt and piles of trash. It seemed the simulation conclude her role was done and wiped her form away. One minute here, the next minute not.

Kaidan felt his rising panic turn to cold ice in his veins as he looked onto the empty street. He didn’t know if he’d see his simulated mom again, and he suddenly didn’t know if he was happy about it like he had been. He closed the door as he went back into the house and stopped when his eye caught the sight of an old photo hanging on the wall.

It was a picture of him with his dad. He was only about six and held up a model plane while his dad crouched next to him smiling. He didn’t have any grey hair back then, but his smile was timeless. He thought about how his mother said the man from the photo would walk through the door in a mear week. The man whose MIA status was changed to assumed KIA two years after the Reaper War. The man who Kaidan got very used to not seeing among the familiar house.

Kaidan firmly decided he was glad his fake mom was gone and he hoped with everything he had he would be out of the simulation before a week could pass. He didn’t want to face more ghosts.

Kaidan pulled himself from the dread of melancholy and went back to preparing for the day. He ate one of the pierogis and almost fell over from how good it tasted. Even his simulation mom knew how to cook like a saint. He threw some in his bag for Shepard along with another two water bottles and some more granola bars just in case. He checked he had everything one last time and made his way out the door.

As he walked down the streets that were now becoming more familiar. He once again passed by the bakery that was debatably open. It now had a flashing, “open” sign which settled the debate as he walked in. There he grabbed two hot breakfast sandwiches, ham for him and American bacon for Shepard, wrapped tightly in tinfoil. He stashed them deep in his bag to keep them warm and thought it would make a good breakfast to stave off the cold October air.

By the time he finally made it to Shepard’s well-hidden hideaway, the sun had long passed the horizon and shown soft light onto the city’s high rises. He crawled through the well-concealed entrance and made sure to put it back carefully. As quietly as he could, he made his way up the stairs to the third floor. Though his stealthful advance was for nothing as he looked inside and found it empty. In fact, it looked as if Shepard hadn’t even come back after Kaidan left. Everything was right where he left it including the supplies he left by the bed.

Kaidan knew this wasn’t Shepard’s only place of refuge, proven by the fact that Mac’s crew found him spending the night in a completely different building across town. Still, Kaidan felt a wave of disappointment at the sight of the empty room. It also left him two choices, wait here and hope Shepard came back or go out looking for him, again. Kaidan was really getting tired of aimlessly wandering the streets but the thought of sitting around hoping for the best didn’t make him too happy either. All the waiting around and goalless tasks were starting to get to him. 

He looked at his omni tool, it was 07:22. He decided if Shepard didn’t show up in an hour, he’d decided his next move from there. So he walked over to the milk crate that made up his makeshift seat and threw his backpack onto it. He took out the freshly washed denim jacket and blanket and set them next to the supplies he left yesterday. He looked around again and thought briefly about cleaning the place up a bit, maybe try and get rid of some of the broken glass, but he didn’t think it would change much. 

Instead, he pushed his backpack aside and sat heavily down on the milk crate with a sigh. It was going to be a long hour.

And a long hour it was. He did end up trying to clean the place a bit, but with all the dust and dirt, he really only accomplished rearranging the mess. Then he tried passing the time by playing around with his omni tool to try and see if he could locate the channel Tali used to call him. He hadn’t heard from her last night as he hoped, so maybe he could call her this time. That didn’t work. At some point he just ended up pacing around the concrete floors thinking about nothing in particular. By the end of it, he was sitting on the milk crate with his back leaning against one of the support beams mindlessly playing games on his omni tool. He was just about to call it quits when he heard the faint sound of wood hitting the ground. It was soon followed by footsteps making their way up the stairs. Kaidan stood from his spot and ready himself for whoever was taking the steps. He hoped he knew who it was, but you could never be too sure in a reaper simulated environment.

So when Shepard’s shaved head and black pilot jacket came into view, Kaidan felt his muscles relax and the corners of his mouth pull up. As for the other, Shepard looked at him with big eyes almost like he was witnessing a korgan kissing a salarian.

“Morning, Shepard.” Kaidan gave him a friendly smile as he took the sight of the other in. The cut above his brow looked sore, but the inflammation didn’t look too bad. The bags under his eyes looked less prominent like he actually got a good night's sleep. Kaidan couldn’t account for the bruises under his clothes, but he seemed to hold himself well. But the best thing Kaidan noticed was that Shepard wasn’t glaring daggers at him. Those crystal eyes looked at him like he was a crazy guy wearing a tinfoil hat, but he preferred that over open hostility.

“You’re _back_?” Shepard gave him a once over and crossed his arms over his chest, “What kind of freak comes back to a shit hole like this?”

Kaidan flashed him a big grin, “The kind that’s doesn’t mind the dirt.”

Shepard snorted at him, “Didn’t your mom ever teach you to stay away from places like this?” Shepard walked over to the wood crate where he pulled out the ammo box from yesterday and pulled something from his duffle bag. He quickly stashed both deep in the wall away from prying eyes.

“She taught me a lot, but I’m a bad listener.”

Shepard released a dry laugh into the chilled air that seemed genuine. He walked over by his bed and reached back into his duffle only a few feet from Kaidan, “I believe that.” From his bag, Shepard retrieved the tupperware that once housed the hamburger helper he gave him yesterday, “You don’t seem to have enough common sense to stay away from danger.” With his hand out, Shepard offered him the container.

Kaidan regarded the old plastic container with a curious eye. He didn’t think he’d get it back and didn’t really care. Yet, as he took the container back, he noted the inside even looked cleaned. How well cleaned? It didn’t really matter. What mattered was the boy who thought it important enough to return his lent belonging to him in good condition, “Thanks.” Kaidan found he was unreasonably moved by the gesture.

“For the tupperware or the comment?” He looked up to see Shepard with a sly grin on his face.

Kaidan returned it with a sly smile of his own, “Both.”

Shepard huffed in reply. He seemed to like to do that instead of giving verbal responses, “Oh, I got one more thing.” Shepard began to take the lent jacket off, but Kaidan was quick to replay.

“Oh, you don’t have to give that back.” Kaidan really didn’t want him to when it served such a better purpose with the cold teen then on the floor of his closet.

“No, we made a deal, Alenko.” Shepard’s features turned more stern as he continued to pull the jacket off his arms.

“No! We made a deal that we’d switch.” Kaidan briefly glanced down at the folded denim jacket being obscured by the blanket he brought, “I don’t have yours.” Shepard glared at him, but at least he stopped trying to take the other one off, “Um, I still plan to return it, I just….uh...forgot it.”

Like so many times before, Shepard looked unconvinced, “You forgot it?”

“Ya, yes! Left it at home.” His eyes unintentionally wandered back to said jacket peeking out from its hiding spot, threatening to blow his cover. He saw Shepard begin to flow his gaze behind him to the culprit. Before the other could turn to look at the small pile of goods he left there, he pulled Shepard’s attention back to him, “But I picked something up to make it up to you!”

Shepard looked back to him with skepticism, “What?”

“Right! So when I was walking here, I realized I forgot your jacket.” Kaidan reached for his backpack where he tucked the tupperware away and searched for the breakfast sandwiches he’d been holding onto, “So I stopped and got us breakfast.” Upon discovery, he handed the bacon one to Shepard and could still feel them warm beneath the wrapping.

Shepard took it with a tentative hand and pulled back the layers to reveal the food. Kaidan held onto his own and did the same. He took a bite of his as he watched Shepard stare at him like the sandwich might bite. Eventually, Shepard gave a huff and took a big bite of the food. 

As he ate, Shepard threw his duffle onto his bed and walked over to the corner of the room where an old school backpack long overused was thrown hazardously to the ground. He picked the bag up and gave it a shake with one hand to knock off the dust and glass. Inside, Kaidan heard metal hitting metal. Shepard then slung it over his shoulder and looked to him, “I’m leaving.”

“But you just got here?” Kaidan felt a small pang of annoyance that the other was so quick to leave after he waited so long.

“I only came here to drop some stuff off. I got shit to do.” Shepard turned towards the door to leave and Kaidan quickly grabbed his bag and went to catch up.

“I can help, just lead the way.” Kaidan almost tripped over Shepard when the other abruptly stopped.

“You really are like some damn puppy, aren't you?” He rounded on Kaidan and looked up to him sharply, “Why are you so keen on following me? I could be taking you to a back alley where muggers are waiting to gut you like a fish. I could be planning on committing any number of crimes and you’re just willing to follow me to the end? What’s your angle?”

They were only a few inches apart as Kaidan felt the full force of the hostile blue orbs Shepard was pinning him with. All the mistrust from the day before was back in piercing words, “I just want us to hang out.”

“Why?! You don’t know what I’m doing, you don’t know where I’m going. I have nothing to offer you, I got nothing for you to take! Why are you here?!”

Kaidan felt his body tense at the cold edge in Shepard’s voice. He could only stumble out a reply, “I, uh….I just..I just wanted us to be friends... again.” As he said it, he realized there was no lie in that statement.

“Whoever we were when we knew each other, they’re long gone. Whatever it is you’re looking for, I can’t give it to you. So do yourself a favor, Kaidan, get back to whatever cozy little homefront you have and stay the hell away from me.” Shepard turned towards the staircase again and continued his path.

Kaidan on the other hand wasn’t going to get left behind that easily, “I know that. I know we’re not who we were.” That at least got Shepard to stop walking away and gave Kaidan a precious second to try and keep him there. It was just a matter of picking out the right words, “We’ve both changed and a frolic through some flowers isn’t going to change the years we've been apart or undo the people we’ve become. But that doesn’t change the fact that we can make something new with the people we are now.” It was weird saying this line that should have been a lie made up in the heat of the moment. It was weird because it didn’t feel like a lie, more like a memory. A vague memory of two soldiers standing in the colony of Horizon looking at one another with only uncertainty between them. Then later sitting together in a busy citadel restaurant desperately trying to rebuild something from the ashes of their past. Maybe even less like a memory and more like an echo, an echo of words he never got to say. Words he wished he had said. He took a deep breath, “Just give me a chance.”

Shepard regarded him for a moment but Kaidan didn’t think he was looking at him, more like past him. Like he too was experiencing a memory from far away that he couldn’t quite touch. But the look passed as soon as it arrived and Kaidan was probably imagining it. Then Shepard released a sigh, “Dumb pup. Fine, you can come with. Just don’t complain to me when you realize you hate my hobbies.” With that, he stuffed another bite of his breakfast into this mouth and turned back around. Kaidan was quick on his heels.

They made their way out of the building and back onto the streets. More people had woken from the night and were prowling around giving the streets a solemn life. Shepard finished off his food quickly and threw the trash into an alley they passed, “Good food.” His words were muffled as he spoke around the last of his breakfast.

Kaidan finished his and stashed the trash in his bag for proper disposal later, “Ya, not bad.” He watched as Shepard rose both arms above his head and stretched. He had a lazy smile on his face. Kaidan didn’t think he realized he was wearing it. It was a big difference from the kid from yesterday. Kaidan decided to take advantage of Shepard’s happier disposition to encourage conversation, “You seem chipper this morning and I’m guessing it wasn’t my timely return that brought it on.”

Shepard gave a half sneer that doubled as a laugh, “No, hell my good mood is probably the only thing that stopped me from lunging at you when I saw ya.”

Well, that wasn’t encouraging, “Oh, well then I guess I’m grateful for that. What’s got you so considerate then?”

Shepard gave him a wary side glance like he was searching for Kaidan’s hidden camera, trying to find the catch. There was a long moment as Shepard seemed to scrutinize his profile. Eventually, he focused back on their path, “Okay, I’ll tell you. Considering you helped out a bit.” Kaidan gave a small smile at the idea that he had a hand in Shepard’s good mood, “So, you’ve had the joy of meeting Mac.”

“Ya, the guy with a resemblance to a feral varren.”

“Varren?” Shepard gave him a weird look.

“Oh, It’s like a lizard dog, just...go on.”

Shepard rolled his eyes, “Right, so Mac’s part of a gang called the 10th Street Reds.” Kaidan knew that group as the one Shepard ran with, “He’s a dealer for them, pushes out meth and some new shit called Red Sand.” The corners of Shepard’s mouth turned up in a mean sneer, “Well, a while back it became pretty obvious Mac broke rule number one of drug dealing, don’t sample your own stock. Usually, he’s pretty good about just skimming off the top, not enough for anyone of real importance to take notice, but he slipped. He slipped hard. Managed to burn through a whole kilo of his stock.”

“What! How do you do that?” An entire kilogram of any drug would kill a human.

Shepard gave a noncommital shrug, “Got stolen, shared with friends, snorted half and in a drugged craze flushed the rest. It doesn't matter, what mattered is he was now a couple thousand credits short to pay Val.”

“Val?” 

“The leader of the 10th Street Reds. He knew when she found out he was an entire kilo short of profit, he'd be a dead man.” While Shepard smiled like he just set a trap for an unexpecting mouse, Kaidan felt ice fill his veins. He didn’t like this Mac character, but Kaidan couldn’t forget how young his face was, “Long story short, Mac made some deal with a third party to replenish the stock he lost. He sent me in to pick it up.”

Kaidan interrupted, “That seems dumb, why trust someone else with picking up something so important?”

“Because that’s my job, I’m a runner. I pick up drops around the city and transport them to different areas while avoiding the pigs and other gangs.”

“Oh, so you're part of the 10th Street Red?”

“Not yet, I just work for them. Running is grunt work and it’ll get you killed or behind bars fast if you’re not careful.” Again, Shepard flashed his eerie smile, “Though that’s about to change. See, when Mac called me to go pick up his shit, he didn’t think I knew what happened, but I did. And too bad for him I have better use for that kilo of red sand than him.”

Kaidan looked at him wide-eyed, “You took it?”

“Ya.”

The memories of Mac’s words to Shepard suddenly became clear, “You told him his contract didn’t come through.”

“To be fair, I was surprised they did. Quacks like them usually can’t pull off a job like that if the police had their backs turned.”

Mac’s pursuit and Shepard’s duffle bag were suddenly making a lot more sense, “That’s what he wanted last night.”

“Ya, and thanks to you throwing those guys off me, I was able to get my bag back.” So that’s what he meant by Kaidan helped out. He was thinking it was going to be more about the food or warm jacket, not helping retrieve smuggled drugs.

“So you took the drugs and what, sold them?” It would make sense, there was good money to be made if you didn’t get caught.

Shepard laced his fingers behind his head in a relaxed gesture, “Oh Kaidan, don’t you have any vision?” The scrawny teen’s eyes sparkled, “I could have done that, but there’s too much risk selling on the streets without proper safeguards. I could get caught by the police, killed by a junkie, or alert the attention of other dealers of competition. Not to mention, if I somehow managed to sell the kilo and walked away with a couple thousand in cash, that would just make me a target for getting mugged. I don’t exactly have a bank account. Hell, with me walking around with that much money on me, I’d be a dead man.”

Kaidan had to hand it to him, he was right, “Okay, so now you have a kilo of drugs you can’t do anything with. Now what?” 

“Now you’re getting it!” Shepard slapped his hand on his back and it rocked his form forward, “The answer is simple, you take the drugs back to Val.”

Kaidan was starting to piece things together, “That’s where you went last night.”

Shepard flashed him a smile, “You’re smarter than you look, Alenko. I turned the package over to her and told her of Mac’s little scheme.”

“I see, and I bet there was a finders fee for the drugs.”

“That and more. Val knows I don’t do drugs making me unlikely to take from her stash. And now, most importantly, she knows where my loyalties are.”

Kaidan got where this was going, “You’re looking for a promotion, something better than a runner.”

“Now you're getting it. In just a short time I’ll be running with the pack. No more grunt work or playing hide and seek with the police. No more getting pushed around by the other gangs and thugs. No more cold nights or missed meals, either.” Kaidan didn’t think Shepard realized he said that last part out loud, not with the way he looked out into a far off place beyond the concrete houses.

“What’ll happen to Mac?” Again, the face of the youth popped into his head.

“Not my problem.” Shepard shoved both hands into his jean pockets without care.

There was a cold edge to Shepard’s eyes. The teen before him was just as calculated and sharp as the commander he knew. But this one had an angle about him that was harsh, self-serving. The Shepard he knew would use his wit to find the best solution for the many, even at a cost to himself. But not this one, this one was out for themselves. A trait many seemed to share on these streets. Or maybe that was just what it took to survive the world around them. Kaidan tried not to let it get him down, “Well Shepard, I have to hand it to you, that was very clever.”

He heard another small huff past Shepard’s lips, then he looked over to Kaidan, “Why do you call me that?”

“What?”

“Shepard. Not a lot of people know my last name and even those who do just call me Johnny. But you’re always referring to me as Shepard.”

He’s right, he’s always referred to him as Shepard. Even after five years of being together and two and a half married it was a habit he never broke, never bothered to. In fact, the only time he ever referred to him by his first name, John, not Johnny, was during the more intimate moments ranging from rough breaths in the bedroom to soft whipsters on long nights. He only used John when he felt like it was just the two of them. When the rest of the trillions of souls among the stars faded to nothing and it was just them. The whole galaxy knew Shepard by name, but he was the only one who knew him as John. He secretly loved that, so he was careful to only use it for the moments they shared closely.

Though he wasn’t going to tell him that. Not the foul mouth teen who probably would have scoffed at the word love. So he gave an alternative answer instead, “I always liked your last name, it suited you better than Johnny.”

“Suited me? It’s the name of a dog.”

“It’s the name of an explorer.”

Shepard stopped walking to look at him, “What?”

Kaidan smiled, it seemed this young man didn’t know much about the history of space travel, yet. Kaidan took it as a good learning opportunity, “Alan Shepard. He was a WW2 vet who became the first American to travel to space. He even walked on the moon back when humans were first learning how to leave Earth. He was someone who wasn’t afraid to fail if it meant he could reach the stars. Someone who faced every obstacle for a goal most of the planet thought impossible. He defied all the odds and made history. That’s what I thought when I first heard the name Shepard, and I think it fits you well.” It may have been the cold that caused the light flush to color Shepard’s cheeks, but Kaidan chose to think otherwise.

Before Shepard could realize Kaidan was grinning ear to ear from the look on his face, Kaidan turned and continued walking, “So, are we almost there?”

That pulled Shepard from his stupor and he quickly caught up to him, “Sorta, we keep going this way.” They walked in comfortable silence for the rest of the way. 

As they kept going, Kaidan noticed the large buildings becoming more sparse. Large industrial areas began to open up into wide roads. It was a good hour and a half walk, but they eventually came up to a fence with barbed wire circling the top. Shepard walked over to a part of the fence and kicked at the wire which pulled away from the metal pole opening a hole. Shepard looked up to him with a sly smile, “Ladies first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I know this chapter's a bit slow, but I'll have a little more exposition in the next.  
> Let me know about any typos that need fixing.  
> See you all next Wednesday!


	6. Junkyard Scrapes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Kaidan spend some time in a dump, literally.

Kaidan ducked his head under the fence’s wire and stared at nothing impressive or mind-boggling. In fact, it looked like a dump, literally. He peered around to see Shepard sliding from under the fence. He casually slung his old pack off his shoulder and from inside retrieved a pair of rusted wire cutters and continued on his way deeper into piles of old debris. Kaidan followed along looking around at the piles of rotten metal and smashed machines, “Not to sound like a downer or anything, but where are we?” Kaidan passed an old sky car with its front bumper smashed in.

“Junkyard.” Shepard hopped onto an old washing machine and leaned over the exposed hood of an old car. He stuck his hand in while Kaidan tried navigating around the piles of metal.

“Ok, a junkyard. And what do you do at a junkyard?” Just then Shepard pulled his hand back from the car’s carcass with several metal wires in his hand. He threw them into his backpack and reached back in.

“Looking for useful shit. People send crap in to get scrap and don’t realize they’re sitting on valuables. You just need to know where to look.” He pulled his hand out again and this time held some kind of shining metal part he threw in with the wires.

Kaidan finally made it over to him and peered into the hood. It was a mess of old metal and wires he would call junk, “And I bet you know just where to look to get the best stuff.” 

From his bent head, Kaidan saw a small smile pull at his lips, “The obvious stuff gets taken right off the bat, copper and nickel parts, but mechanics will pay for other used parts people don’t think about.” He pulled another part off and threw it in his bag. He then made his way over to the car’s door and tested the handle. He had to pull hard on it, but it finally budged and slowly opened to a stripped interior with sharp metal and wires sticking out in various places. Though that’s not what Shepard went for. He pointed at the keypad that controlled the windows, “See this? In this model, the buttons are always breaking.” He retrieved a screwdriver from his pack and began carefully working the part out of the door, “They break often enough people need to get them replaced frequently. A used part will run a fraction of the price of a new one and last about as long, so they’re in demand.” Just then the piece popped out and Shepard disconnected the wires that attached it. He stood up and flashed his sly smile to him as the piece joined the others in his pack.

Kaidan smiled back at him. It was amazing to see a young Shepard at work. He was always clever and found solutions where no one else could. Kaidan was starting to see that was a trait he’d long possessed, or perhaps refined, at a young age. Nonetheless, it served him well in the harsh environment they found themselves in. Kaidan stepped back a bit to allow Shepard to pass him and make his way over to the other door. Though this time when he pulled on the handle, it didn’t move.

“Fuck, door’s locked.” Shepard stepped back a fraction and took the screwdriver by the metal end. He then rose his arm back above the window.

Kaidan moved forward and stopped his arm before it could go down to the glass, “What are you doing?”

“Breaking the window. If I go around and crawl in I’ll just cut my knees on the metal. Better to just break in and work around the glass.” Shepard wound his arm back again, but again he stopped him.

“Or, I could just open it.”

Shepard gave him a flat stare, “What, you got a lock pick or something?”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow, “Step back.” Shepard pulled back looking unconvinced as Kaidan walked up to the car. It was an old lock system with a keypad for a pin. Its lock was probably as rusted as the rest of the vehicle, so Kaidan figured a small biotic pulse would shake it loose. He hovered his palm over the lock and pulled the invisible threads of energy around it. With a quick jab to the metal, he pushed the biotic force hard to the door’s lock. The old metal creaked and groaned under his force. When he pulled his hand back, there was a small dent in the old frame, but more importantly, he pulled the door open.

“No way.” He stepped back as Shepard walked back up to investigate, “I didn’t know you could do that!” He swung the door a couple of times in disbelief.

“I just smashed the lock. It’s not the cleanest break-in, but better than smashing the window.”

“Hell ya!” Shepard took his tool and pried the other window switch from the door. He gave it a quick look then looked at him, “Can you do it again?”

It took only a moment for Shepard to find another car with a locked door to which he gave the lock another biotic jab. It crumbled like the first and the door opened easily. From that moment on, Shepard put his scavenging on the back burner as he began challenging Kaidan with different tasks.

“Can you pop the trunk’s lock?” He did so with little effort, “Can you rip these wires from where they’re soldered on?” A quick pull to the wires tore them from their home, “Can you crush this?” Shepard held up a tin beer can.

Kaidan gave a little huff, “Sure.” Kaidan grabbed it with one hand and crushed it, no biotics required.

“What? No, I meant with your biotics!” Shepard gave an exasperated gesture but Kaidan could see the smile that pulled at his features.

“Come on Shepard, it’s a tin can. I don’t need biotics to crush it.”

Shepard’s face seemed to light up, “Oh, then what would you need biotics to crush?”

Kaidan gave a small laugh, “What, do you want a full demonstration?”

“Ya! What else can biotics do?” Kaidan felt almost like blushing with how bright his eyes were looking at him.

“It’s pretty versatile. Moving heavy items and breaking things is considered some of the easy stuff.” Things like reave and warp were the ones that required fine control to pull off.

A mischievous look formed on Shepard’s face, “How heavy can you lift? I saw you pick Mac up off the ground, so a person’s not a problem, but what about something heavier?” Shepard looked around till his eyes locked on something, “What about a refrigerator?” Kaidan followed his line of sight till he spotted the beat-up appliance.

He turned back to Shepard, “You want to see me pick it up?”

His blue eyes grew big, “Can you?”

The corner of his mouth pulled up and he didn’t bother to give an answer. Instead, he turned back to the machine and pulled the mass effect fields around him. With a burst of energy, he rose the old metal high into the air and let it hover for a moment. His implant buzzed familiar energy as his skin tingled. He could hear Shepard’s gasp of astonishment behind him and it made him smile big. He was stronger than most human biotics because of his L2 implant, so gasps of amazement weren’t all that new to him. But hearing it come from Shepard made him almost bashful, but fueled his performance. With a dramatic swipe of his hand, the machine sped back to Earth and collided with the ground. Metal bits and debris went flying as the regenerator folded onto itself.

As the slight ringing in Kaidan’s ears faded, he could hear the excited cheers of Shepard behind him. He looked back to see the other with a big smile cheering, “That was incredible! You pulled it right off the ground!” He looked like he saw the most amazing thing in the world and Kaidan reminded himself that at his moment in time, human biotics were a mystery. Hell, the concept of biotics was still fairly new to humans in general. This was probably the first time Shepard had seen any biotics in action, not counting the quick display in the alley the night before.

“That was a slam.”

“A slam? So like that’s a move?”

“Ya.”

“So like, do you know other moves?”

Kaidan felt giddy at how excited Shepard looked, “Ya, I know a few.” And he showed him. He showed him pull and throw with various metal appliances laying around. He heard Shepard give a loud cheer when he did a shockwave that threw the junkyards parts out like a tidal wave. They were both laughing when he shattered an old bathtub from on top of a teetering pile of parts. Then they laughed even harder after they both quickly dash away as said pile of parts came crashing down around them.

It was fun. Fun to let his powers loose for the pure purpose of making Shepard laugh and not for survival or training. Fun to fling old junk around like a careless kid not worrying about being yelled at or mocked. Fun to hear genuine laughter spill from Shepard in a way Kaidan hadn’t seen since they’d been thrown into this strange world. Fun to be spending time with Shepard and seeing him enjoy himself. And Kaidan took it in like cold water during a drought.

As Shepard ran up a pile of dilapidated cars to investigate the microwave he just threw into a windshield, he looked at the younger boy and could see the smile that captured Kaidan’s attention each time. It was a smile he’d seen as Shepard drove the Mako along unstable terrain and was about to go up a hill every person in the vehicle knew he couldn’t make. He had that kind of smile as him and Garrus ran simulation drills and loudly kept track of who had the most kills. He wore that smile as they all watched Grunt getting fished out of the Presidium lake with his blonde wing clenched tightly in one hand and a bottle of empty ryncol in the other. A smile that conveyed happiness that made Kaidan smile in return.

“Kaidan, you listening?” It took him a minute to realize the young Shepard had looked back from the microwave and was staring at him.

“Oh, uh, ya. I’m listening.”

Shepard raised his eyebrow and slid down the pile of junk to the ground next to him, “Sure, cause that answer really sells it.” Shepard raised his hand and held some type of mechanical part up, “You crushed the microwave so hard I was able to pull out the cooling fan.”

As Shepard threw the fan into this bag, Kaidan regarded the smashed form of the microwave. It’s twisted metal and carved insides looked like a hammer was taken to it, “Hey, doesn't all of this kind of scare you?”

Shepard looked up at him, “What?”

“Well, when most people learn I’m a biotic they like to steer clear of me. I mean, knowing someone can crush you with their mind is kind of a terrifying concept.” Kaidan knew where the public’s fear came from. Human biotics were unknown and powerful, those two things are terrifying. Yet Shepard seemed to have no fear of either.

Shepard looked at him a bit then shrugged his shoulder dismissively, “I’ve met a lot of dangerous people before. Weird powers or not, I can tell you’re not one of them.” Kaidan felt his mouth pull up and a warmth filled his core. Though Shepard didn’t let him enjoy that feeling long as he turned and pointed to a car, “If you threw one of your biotics blast thingings at that, what would happen?”

Kaidan looked over to the car and thought it was probably too heavy for him to throw a pull at, though a shockwave would probably do something interesting. He raised his hand and sent the pulse out. The small biotics blast ripples across the ground till it made impact with the car and smashed the corner in. The front end caved in on itself and the headlight shattered to pieces. The damage was immediately followed by the car’s alarm going off in rapid succession and blaring through the open space. The siren screamed out and Kaidan could hear the rough laughs of Shepard under them. He sent another shockwave, harder this time, into the car’s side that smashed in the front end and silenced its incessant wail.

With its cries stopped, Kaidan couldn’t help but wonder how much their roughhousing attracted the locals' attention, “Hey, don’t you think all this noise might alert someone to where we are? I mean, I don’t think we're here legally considering we snuck under a hole in the fence.”

Shepard went over to the newly smashed car and was peering in the hood that had popped up, “Na, it’s the first Friday of the month.”

Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest, “That means nothing to me, Shepard.”

The other pulled something from the hood and threw it in with his collection, “The state pays Porter, the guy who runs this place, on the first Friday of the month. So every payday he goes and sinks all his money into meth. He’s so out of it right now, someone dropping a nuke on his head wouldn’t budge him. Any other day of the month and he'd be taking shots at us with an old pistol he carries around.” 

“Really? Has he ever hit anyone before?” A druggie with a gun was never good in Kaidan's experience.

“Ya, though I don't think he's killed anyone. It's mostly the young kids who come through and make too much noise or don't run fast enough. That's why you need to be careful if you're scrapping around here. That or know what Porter does with his paycheck. ” Shepard came back over to him and pointed a thumb behind his shoulder, “Come on, I know where some sheets of glass are. Let's see what happens when you do that shockwave thing at them.”

Kaidan tried not to let the thought of streets kids taking a bullet get him down. He took a step forward to follow Shepard but black tendrils suddenly pulled around his vision and his amp sparked pain to his temples. Kaidan stumbled as he clenched his eyes shut at the throbbing pain behind his eyes. He raised both hands to his temple to try and tamper down the sharp feeling. It took only a moment for the pain to quickly recede, but it left a subtle throbbing behind his eyes. As the ringing in his ears subsided he could make out Shepard’s voice, “Kaidan? Hey, are you alright?”

He sounded far away, down a tunnel, but as the sensation slipped away, he slowly opened his eyes. Shepard had one hand braced to his arm. His blue eyes looked wide at him and he thought he saw a spark of panic in them, maybe worry. But it seemed to vanish as Kaidan fully opened his eyes and straightened his back.

Again Shepard asked, “You okay?”

He took a breath in as the last of the pain vanished, “Ya, just overdid it a bit.”

“Oh, I guess biotics have their limits.”

“Ya, I should, uh, stop before I give myself a migraine.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow to him, “That can happen?”

_Amongst other things._

“Ya, but I’ll be fine. Oh, right.” Kaidan swung his backpack around and dug around for one of the granola bars he brought. He pulled two out and handed one to Shepard, “Want one?”

Shepard looked at it, “A granola bar? That’s gonna help?”

“A little. It’ll at least give me back some energy, biotics have a strong metabolism.” He shook the bar again, “I have a few in here.” 

Shepard gave a breathless laugh and took the snack from his hand, “Do all biotics carry snacks on them?”

They both opened their food, “The prepared ones do.” With that Kaidan took a bite and watched Shepard do the same. 

Then Shepard turned and waved his hand for Kaidan to flow, “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

They both walked in silence eating away at their food till there was nothing left. Then they crawled back under the fence as Shepard lead them to an unknown destination. It wasn’t long before they came across a run-down looking shop that Shepard stopped in front of. It looked like some mechanic’s shop with a small service window built into the side. Shepard pulled his backpack off his shoulder, “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” Kaidan stayed in place and watched as Shepard ran up to the window and pounded on the metal shutter over the service window. After a moment he pounded it again, this time it was followed by an annoyed voice coming from behind it.

Suddenly, the metal shutter rose up and a lady in her mid-forties with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth appeared, “Damn it, Johnny, can’t you wait five minutes instead of pounding on my window like that?”

“Don’t act so surprised, I show up the same day every month, you should expect me.”

She blew out a long stream of smoke, “Little punk, show me what you got.” With that Shepard began emptying his backpack. As he did it the woman’s eyes went to him briefly, “Who’s that guy?” She nodded her head in his direction causing ash to fall from her cigarette.

Shepard didn’t look up from his task, “Nobody, don’t worry about it.”

She gave a cruel laugh, “Anyone who’s traveling with you must be of some interest, Johnny. You don’t humor useless company.”

Shepard placed the last of his scavenge on the table, “Forget about him and tell me what you think.”

The woman moved her eyes over the pile of parts, “You got a lot today. Poor Porter doesn't know what he's losing out on.” She examined the parts quickly as she sucked away at her nicotine, “I’ll give you 120.”

Shepard scoffed, “You can do better. The switches are in good condition and the cooling fan’s not even bent. Plus I managed some copper wiring. The state will pay high for that.”

“You’re always trying to get more out of me.” The woman gave him a lazy smile.

“Ya, cause I’m the best scrapper you got and no one else is bringing you parts in these conditions.”

She rolled her eyes, “150, and don’t try to get any more out of me or you’re getting nothing.”

“Deal.”

_Silver tongue, even when you were young, hun Shepard._

Kaidan watched on as the woman moved the parts behind the counter and handed something to Shepard. With no other words exchanged, Shepard walked back over to him and they continued on their way. 

Kaidan looked over and saw the woman had handed Shepard a small stack of old fashion paper currency. Things like that were hardly ever used anymore due to their ability to be counterfeit and lack of tracking with criminals. Though he did remember Shepard saying he didn’t have a bank account. He idly watched Shepard flip through the bills, presumably counting to make sure all was there. Eventually, Shepard pulled out a smaller bill roughly the equivalent of about 15 credits and stashed the rest inside the inner pocket of his jacket. He then passed the paper money to Kaidan, “Here.”

Kaidan just stared at it, “Um, why?”

“For breakfast.” 

“Oh, you don’t need to pay me back, it’s fine.”

“I wasn’t asking, take it.” When Kaidan didn’t make a move, Shepard released an annoyed huff and stopped walking. He turned to Kaidan, “I already told you, I don’t take handouts. So take the money and consider it payment for the food and help at the junkyard.” Before Kaidan could refuse again, Shepard grabbed his hand and shoved the bill inside. He turned and began walking away as soon as the money left his grasp.

Kaidan held the crumpled bill and gave a sigh while shoving it into his back pocket, he’d figure out a way to give it back to him later. They continued their walk in a pleasant silence as the buildings around them began to get congested once more. After a little while, Kaidan found he even recognized a few of their surroundings. Shepard was slowly guiding them back into the bowels of the city.

After a long time of silence, Shepard spoke up, “So, what did we do in school?” Kaidan was a bit surprised to hear Shepard break the silence.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I can’t seem to really remember you, but you seem to know me. So, what did we do?”

“Oh,” This was the part where Kaidan had to come up with lies and he wasn’t ready for it, “Well, we hung out. You know, kicked the ball around in gym class, talked about what we learned that day, gossipped about other students.” He side-glanced at Shepard and saw the most unimpressed face imaginable.

“Kicked the ball around? Really? Not even going to name what kind of ball?”

“You know, one of those rubber ones that bounce.”

“ _Kaidan._ ” His name was said with such exasperation, he almost laughed.

“What? We were kids, we did kid things.”

Shepard released an exasperated sigh, “That’s it? You find me after all this time and beg to hang out all for the dual antics of two kids from years ago?”

“Well, no.” He saw Shepard look at him, “We did more than that.”

“What then?” Shepard looked very unimpressed, “What was so great it’s worth following me around for?”

Kaidan tried to come up with something else, but he was probably a worse liar than an Elcor. So he decided to try a different approach and go for more of the truth instead, “Well...we always seemed to find ourselves in some kind of trouble. Like, even if it was just trying to grab lunch with a friend, we’d somehow find ourselves in a new dilemma. But we always managed to get out of it, together.” That seemed to get Shepard’s attention so Kaidan went on, “There were some close calls, but in the end, I could always count on you to pull through for me. And I'd do the same for you in return. No matter how bad things got, we had each other’s backs.”

Whether it was losing Ash or pointing guns at each other with the council to their backs, no matter how bad things got, they always came back from it by each other's side.

There was a long pause as Shepard took in what he said while Kaidan hoped he didn’t ask any more questions. If he ever thought to try his hand at improv, this experience was a good lesson not to. Eventually, Shepard shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged his shoulders, “Well, the getting into trouble part at least sounds more like me.” Shepard continued his walk.

Kaidan laughed, “Ya, you have a knack for getting into the craziest situations.”

Shepard smiled, “Though I gotta say, I’m surprised to hear you get into trouble too.”

“Really, why does that surprise you?”

“I don’t know, you seem like a real law-abiding citizen, you know?”

Kaidan huffed, “You mean a goody two shoes?”

Shepard gave a lopsided grin, “More like a boy scout.”

He remembered Mac called him that too, though he figured it was the BAat uniform that spurred on the name, “Oh come on, I was never even in the boy scouts!”

“Ya, but you just got that vibe. Like, I can see you helping an old lady cross the street.”

“Are you telling me you wouldn’t help an old lady if you saw her struggling to get across the street?”

Shepard looked at him with wide eyes and a big smile, “Are you telling me you would?!”

“I’m not just going to sit back and do nothing.”

Shepard bellowed out a laugh that had Kaidan smiling big, “See! You’re a total boy scout!”

Kaidan laughed with him and part of it may have been because he’d seen Shepard help tons of old ladies. And help random strangers, help recover lost items, help solve disputes. Shepard had done more helping than anyone else he knew, so he may have partially been laughing at him for giving him grief.

Though Kaidan’s laughing abruptly came to a stop when he spotted two people walking towards them. The streets had a good number of people prowling around, so their image cut in and out as strangers walked around them. They didn’t seem to notice the two teens but were heading in their direction.

Without a moment’s notice, he yanked at Shepard’s arm and dragged him into an alley they were passing by. He dragged the other a few feet in where there was an old dumpster pushed against a brick wall. He pulled Shepard to its side where it blocked them from the view of the entrance.

“What the- Kaid-” Shepard tried to speak but Kaidan shushed him and used his body to push Shepard’s form flat against the wall. Bracing his hands on the wall by the side of Shepard’s head, he pushed them further into the shadows.

He could feel his heart hammering against his chest as adrenaline swam in his veins. He numbly felt Shepard’s breath against his neck as he flattened them against the brick. He may have even felt Shepard’s hand move up to his chest. Whether they were there idly or to shove him away, he wouldn’t know, he was too distracted by the sight of two people coming into view as they walked casually by the alley. They wore matching uniforms not too different from an Alliance one. Though instead of blue and gray they were black and white. The real thing that turned Kaidan’s blood cold was the orange logo on their right shoulders. They were Cerberus. 

At the sight of them, Kaidan pushed further into Shepard on instinct and gave one final shush to quiet his protest. He studied the two as they casually went by. Neither of them seemed to be in a rush to wherever their definition was and just kept walking. They didn’t look over to them, didn’t even spare them a glance. 

Once the two Cerberus agents cleared the ally’s entrance, Kaidan pushed back from Shepard but didn’t break eye contact from where they were. He silently crept back over and peaked his head out to see the backs of their uniforms getting further and further away from them.

A hand landed on the side of his arm and he finally looked away to see Shepard looking past him to the two agents, “What was that about?”

Kaidan looked back over and could barely see them as their image was eaten away by the crowd of people, “What are they doing here?” He knew there were inconsistencies with the timeline, but they wouldn’t meet Cerberus troops until they were investigating Admiral Kahoku’s missing men, and that wasn’t for another 13 years.

“Kaidan,” The grip on his arm got tighter and he looked back to Shepard again, “Who were those guys?”

Kaidan willed his heart to slow down and he gave one last glance to where the agents last were, “People you should stay away from.”

“That’s a shit poor answer.” Shepard sounded annoyed, probably partially because of the rough pull into the dirty alley.

He took a deep breath in to calm his nerves, “They’re part of a terrorist group. If you see them, that logo on their arm, get out of there. They’re hostile.”

Shepard pulled his brows in, “What’s a terrorist group doing here? If they blow anything up, no one's going to care. And if they’re trying to recruit people the gangs would have a few choice words for them.”

“I’m not sure, but be careful.” He scanned the streets one more time and saw no trace of any more Cerberus, “Come on.” With that, Shepard took the lead once more and they continued their walk in silence. The whole time they walked, Kaidan was wound up as he scanned every back alley and dark shadow for the sight of an orange logo. His brain going a mile a minute running through what Cerberus agents were doing here and what that meant. As they walked on he could feel a strong headache coming on and ate another granola bar as he cursed himself for working his biotics too much. When he offered another to Shepard, he was coldly rejected. His mood seemed to have taken a turn. Eventually, he was pulled from his loud thoughts by the sound of wood hitting ground. He looked up and noticed they were back at Shepard’s hideaway.

He saw Shepard jumped through the window into his abode. He was just about to follow him when his omni tool began to blink. He looked down and saw an invite for a video message. 

Again, Kaidan's heart picked up pace, but this time it was a good kind of excitement. He hit the button to receive the call and could hear a very faint static noise on the other end. He could only guess Tali was trying to get a coms channel open.

“What’s your deal?” He looked up from his excitement to see Shepard giving him a lazy look. He wanted to scream in excitement that Tali was trying to call him, but he had a feeling Shepard wouldn’t care. In fact, it dawned on him that hearing him talk to Tali about the giant simulation they were in may have been a quick way to destroy the tentative relationship they’d formed.

“Oh, I need to take this, it’s important. Can I meet you back here in like an hour?”

“Nah, I’ve got shit to do. I’m only here to drop some stuff off then I’m leaving.” 

“Oh, are you gonna be back?”

Shepard rolled his eyes, “Probiliby not.”

“Oh, then where are you going I’ll-” The static from his omni tool got a bit louder and faint words could be heard, “I gotta go. Shit, wait.” Kaidan slung his backpack off quickly and from inside retrieved the small bottle of medagel and perogies he grabbed that morning. He ran up to Shepard and practically threw both of them into his hands, “That’s medagel. Take some and put it on your cuts and bruises, it’ll help them heal faster.” He turned on his heels to leave.

“Kaidan, wait-”

“Oh, and you don’t need a lot, just a dab. I’ll see you tomorrow!” He didn’t wait for Shepard to try and stop him, he just took off at a sprint. He wanted to get somewhere private to talk with Tali as the static on his omni tool got louder. As Tali’s voice broke through, Kaidan dashed into an empty alley between two abandoned buildings and crouched low between a large wooden crate and a metal shed.

From the static he could hear Tali’s broken words, “...dan….he...me?....you..ed?” Just like last time, he tried playing around with the device to try and help. Though he’d kind of concluded that he’d just been tampering with a simulation and not doing anything. So he waited a few moments as Tali’s voice became stronger, “Kaidan,..an you he...me?”

“Tali! I’m here.” 

“Kaidan?” The static noise slowly began going away.

“I hear you! Loud and somewhat clear.”

“Kaidan!” Her excited exclamation had a wave of relief flooding over him. It had been, for him, over 24hrs since he last heard from her and he was honestly getting worried.

He wasted no time, “Tali, tell me you have some good news.”

“I have good and bad news.”

“Naturally.” You could never have one without the other.

“Good news, we know what the simulation does. Bad news-”

“Let me guess, it’s something evil.”

“That’s a good way to put it.” Kaidan’s said it before and he’ll say it again, anything to do with the reapers was typically bad, “We found a cipher for the language the reapers were using and Kal’s team have translated portions of the data being transmitted. Kaidan, the reapers would use this machine to run simulations of the subject's life. ”

“What?”

“We’ve determined the machine accesses an organic’s memory and then selects key points it then has the subject relive.”

“But why? What use do they get out of that?” Kaidan couldn’t think of a good reason reapers had to have someone relive memories.

“Well, we don’t know all the details yet, but most of the selected memories seem to be ones of prominence in the subject's life.”

“So bad memories? The ones people rather forget” He thought about himself waking up at BAat.

“Well….no. We found data depicting a turian reliving the day his daughter was born and another of an asari graduating commando training. There are bad memories, like traumatic accidents and losing loved ones, but not all of them. We haven’t found a pattern yet.”

“Ok, it’s not sounding like the most evil thing the reapers have done yet. What’s the catch.”

“This is the part you’re not going to like. We were trying to find the code that activates the machine's shut down so we could get you two out. Well, we found it.”

“And this is the part where you say, “but,”’.

“But, it looks like the command to end the simulation is the same command that sends a neural shock through the subject's spinal cord and turns their brain to mush.”

Kaidan's headache got a fracture worse, “You gotta be kidding me?”

“We don’t know why it’s set up like that, but the command to end the test fries the subject's brain while also shutting down the program.”

“So what you’re saying is you can’t turn this machine off without killing us?”

“It wouldn’t kill you, just shock your brain into a comatose state.”

“ _Tali._ ”

“Sorry. Listen Kaidan, we still don’t know what all of this tech is for or why they’re doing it, but you need to be careful. Kal deciphered the end of that turian’s simulation.”

“What did he find?” Kaidan’s fingers felt numb.

“He died. The simulation recorded him in combat with several hostiles and he took two shots to the head. The subject died which triggered the end command.”

“Great, so if we die in here we’re getting several volts of electricity to the brain.”

There was a pause as they both took that detail in, “Is it bad in there?”

Kaidan took a deep breath, “Nothing we can’t handle yet, but-” he gave a heavy sigh, “I saw Cerberus agents today.”

“Cerberus?”

“Ya, they weren’t doing anything, just walking down the street. They didn’t even have guns, but I still don’t trust it.”

“You just need to hang in there, we’re working on getting access to a backdoor that can bypass the kill command and shut the program down without triggering it.”

“That sounds like a good plan.”

“Ya, but there’s a defense program in place that’s fighting back. Every time we try to alter the programming, it goes in and repairs it. It’s what closed our last channel and it’s making things difficult.”

“Thanks okay, Tali. I know you guys can do it.” And he really meant it.

“Don’t worry Kaidan, we’ll get you guys out. How’s Shepard?”

“I think I’ve made progress. It doesn’t seem like he wants to kill me anymore, though he still doesn’t remember me.”

“About that, we have a running theory on why that’s happening. Reports show that all test subjects going into the chambers had reaper augmentations, organic and synthetic fusion. Lemma thinks that’s how the reapers access their memories and pull them into the simulation, though their tech.”

Kaidan was starting to piece it together, “And if you look at Shepard, he’s practically a walking cyborg.”

“Yes! We think due to all the tech integrated into his biology, the program was better able to adapt to it and access Shepard’s memories and control his state in the simulation. You, on the other hand, have much less to work with.”

“My amp, it’s a neural connection, but not as extensive as what Shepard’s got.”

“Exactly, the program has a harder time with you, so it was unable to wipe your memory and only able to pull a small bit of information from your past.”

“So that’s it, I wasn’t supposed to remember him either, just got lucky.”

“Or really unlucky. I wonder if the machine would have even worked on someone with no tech in them.”

He couldn’t help the small laugh that passed his lips, “You got a point-” Suddenly the static from before started to rise, “Not again.”

“No, that damn defense code is closing the channel again!” 

“Tali.” The static got worse much faster this time and her words began to get more distorted.

“You bosh’tet, I’m not letting you-” The line was cut.

“Tali? Tali?!” He tried a few things he knew wouldn’t work on his omni tool and gave up quickly. His head was now hurting in full force pounding behind his eyes and the light from his omni tool was making it worse.

_I really should have taken it easy on the biotics._

Kaidan suddenly became aware he was sitting in a gross alley where stale water and rat’s made their homes. He stood and ran through the details of the conversation in his head. Though the most important detail to him was about the potential for getting their brains fried.

_What is this, a bad movie from the 2000s?_

Though it did make him regret leaving Shepard not long ago. He was suddenly very anxious that Shepard was in some part of this hungry city without him. Somewhere unknown doing something potentially dangerous that could lead to the unthinkable. That anxious feeling dragged Kaidan with his throbbing head all the way back to Shepard’s hideaway where he pounded on the nailed door calling out to the other with no reply. Just as he said, he’d left.

With little else to do and a headache threatening to turn into a migraine, he started the long walk home, sticking to the shadows away from the light.

☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, if you ever need a simple car piece replaced, try calling a few junkyards and see if they have it. They're really cheap even compared to buying used from the mechanic. Then you're just paying for installation.
> 
> Anyways, thank you all for reading! I'm really excited to get the next chapter out because form this point forward things are going to start kicking off! See you all next Wednesday!


	7. 10th Street Reds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan runs into some thugs on the streets and things take a turn for the worse.

The distant sounds of police sirens could be heard as Kaidan rushed around his house trying not to slip on the hardwood floor in his socks. He just nearly avoided a fall as he swung into the kitchen. The room was dark as an overcast sky blocked out the sun. The clock above the stove read 09:03 and he cursed under his breath as he ripped his backpack open and began the now familiar job of filling it with food. He’d ended up sleeping in far past the time he planned.

After he got back yesterday, he spent the rest of the evening trying to stave off the headache that was teetering on the edge of becoming a full force migraine. After years of dealing with them, he had a few tricks that sometimes helped fight off the pain before it got unmanageable. He had taken a couple of pills and laid a cold cloth over his amp while laying in his bed with all the lights shut off. It seemed to work in the sense that it never went past being a bad headache, but it didn’t let up. So when 21:00 rolled around and the damn thing still hadn't relented, he popped some melatonin pills and tried to go to sleep. Then, when the clock said 23:00 and he was still awake, he popped a few more and tried again. The next thing Kaidan knew he was waking up with the blurry lines of 08:42 on his clock. He had jumped out of bed so quickly he had nearly fallen over. On the bright side, all traces of his headache were gone.

Kaidan threw some stuffed cabbage into this bag and made sure it was zipped tight. Shepard seemed to start his days early, so he was worried he may have already left his home to go about his business. If that was the case, Kaidan was going to have a lot harder time finding him. He really hoped he hadn’t slept away his best chance to meet up with Shepard, especially considering they didn’t leave on great terms yesterday and he now had some rather important information that made him a bit more protective.

With a quick tug to the back of his sneakers, Kaidan pulled on his shoes and rushed out the door. The rancid smells of the city curled around him as thick clouds hung low in the sky threatening to soak the streets. He spent little time on the details as he took off for Shepard’s adobe at a brisk pace. He passed the faces of the hollow city with little care as he maneuvered the crisscrossed roads. He briefly wondered if he should stop to grab something for them to eat as he passed the rundown bakery, but decided against it as he was already running late. It wasn’t long till he began to recognize a few buildings and knew he’d be at his destination soon. He was so focused on where he was going he almost didn’t notice the small group of people who began to follow him. Almost.

He took a sudden turn down a random alley. If he had a tail, he wasn’t going to lead them to Shepard, not again. The small group of strangers he wasn’t able to get a good look at dutifully followed him. He led them down another turn and another curve trying to silently lose them. But when he turned onto an empty walkway, he nearly collided with a wide-shouldered man. He stumbled back as to not hit him and noticed his pursuers closing in behind him. The man in front of him didn’t move, “Shit.”

Kaidan squared his shoulders and stuck his chin out as the small group formed a loose circle around him. He noticed this group was older than Mac’s crew, most of them in their mid to late 20s, though he’d guess the man who cut off his path exceeded 30. They were also dressed better, some with leather jackets and others with aviators and polished boots. They reeked of trouble in a practical way. Kaidan counted five of them and began forming an escape plan as one of them, a man wearing a jacket cut to his form and a pair of Ray Bans, took a step closer to him.

“You must be Johnny's friend.” Kaidan’s heart skipped a beat as he turned a cold glare to the man, “I got to say, you really gave us a runaround. No one really seems to know who you are, so tracking you down has been a chore.”

Kaidan felt a snarl curl his lip, “Cut the crap, who are you, and what do you want?” Kaidan didn’t like the cut of these guys and he could feel his worry for Shepard growing by the second.

The man rose his Ray Bans to the top of his short hair and gave him an amused look, “Damn, this one’s got a backbone. Though I’d guess nothing less from someone of his skill.” He said as he looked around at his compatriots. He looked back to Kaidan with a relaxed demeanor that did nothing for his nerves, “Okay, I’ll get to the point. I’m a representative of Val, maybe you’ve heard of her?”

The blood in Kaidan’s veins turned cold, “The leader of the 10th Street Reds?”

The man gave a big smile, “Good, you do know her! That makes things so much easier because now when I say she'd like to meet you, I don’t have to explain to you why you should say yes.” The man gave a smile with no friendliness to it, it was a threat.

“Why does she want to meet me?” As far as Kaidan knew, he was a stranger to this city. The only parts of him that were in it were his house and Shepard. The rest was a foreign entity he had no relation to.

The man shoved his hands into his pockets, “Nothing bad, she just wants to have a talk.”

“What? How does she even know me?”

“Word of Johnny’s friend has spread far. The boy who can throw a man with his mind.”

_SHIT!_

Kaidan felt his nails dig into the flesh of his palms as he clenched tight. He didn’t know what this Val wanted but he wasn’t getting involved. He had one mission and that was to watch over Shepard until they got out of this place. He wasn’t about to get wrapped up with a gang.

The other man seemed to notice his hostile response and tried to soothe him, “Don’t worry, we’re not going to hurt you or anything, probably.” He flashed a nonchalant grin, “We’re really just here to escort you to Val for a chat.”

“Not interested.” Kaidan glared at him with everything he had.

The man’s smile fell away, “It wasn’t a question, kid.”

From the corner of his eyes, Kaidan saw the rest of the posse straighten up and ready themselves. He wasn’t worried, he’s faced worse odds, “If word of me has gotten around then I’ll tell you now, the rumors are nothing compared to what I can really do.” He let his hand flare to life and felt the glow of the mass effect field around his palm. Kaidan felt a little proud of himself when he saw two of the thugs glance at each other with uncertain expressions. Spending time with Jack seemed to have had an effect on him and he thought she’d be proud.

Though the man he’d been addressing thus far didn’t flinch, he just casually smiled at him, “Good, I love it when the product’s better than the reviews.” Kaidan pushed more power into his biotics and could feel the rumble of rocks on the ground as they started to move. Others around him looked more worried as Kaidan readied himself to throw the man through a window. But again, the thug looked unconcerned, “Listen, kid, I have no doubt you could use your weird powers to wipe the floor with us. But I’m not here to start a fight and I know you’ll come with us.” 

Through gritted teeth, Kaidan spat out, “Why’s that?”

“Cause you seem like a good friend and Johnny’s waiting for you back at HQ. You don’t want to stick him up, do you?”

The power from Kaidan’s palm slipped as his heart stood still, “What?”

The man gave a sigh, “I wanted to keep it a surprise, but you’re being stubborn.”

“Where’s Shepard!?” Kaidan could barely hear him over the blood pounding in his ears.

“Shepard, huh? They mentioned you call him that.” He shrugged, “He’s back with Val. We decided to keep him there while the rest of us went out to find you.”

That made no sense, “Why, so you could blackmail me into going?”

The man gave another smile Kaidan was sick of seeing, “Nothing so dramatic. Johnny just had business with Val and couldn’t make it so we were sent instead. So let’s go meet up with your friend and hear what Val has to say.”

Kaidan wanted nothing more than to run his fist through the guy's nose, “How do I even know you're telling the truth? You could be lying about Shepard and about Val. This could all just be a way to lure me somewhere to get the jump on me.” He didn’t think they were going to kill him, but one could never be sure.

“Huh, you’re not dumb, I’ll give you that. It’s a good thing we came prepared.” He looked over to a woman off to his right with purple hair wearing a mesh sweater and duffel bug swung on her shoulder, “Daisy, why don’t you show him what we got.”

At his word, the woman swung the duffle off and opened it. Kaidan felt sweat gather on his brow when he recognized it as the bag Shepard carried around. Kaidan readied for whatever she had stashed in there by prepping a barrier. Though it was not needed as she pulled out a black article of clothing and threw it at his feet. Kaidan’s fingers were numb as he retrieved it and saw it was the black pilot jacket he’d given Shepard.

“Recognize it?” Kaidan threw daggers at the man as he addressed him, “We borrowed it. You know, just in case you needed a little reinsurance of where Johnny is. As for whether or not this is a trap, well, I got no proof for you. I guess you’ll just have to trust your instincts on that one. So, what do you say, I don’t got all day?”

Kaidan looked around and saw the faces of the crew all waiting for his answer. He knew his next words were the deciding factor if a fight broke out or not. He weighed the option in his head, but he couldn’t focus with Shepard’s face popping into his thoughts every second. He knew Shepard ran with these guys, so it wasn’t far fetched to think word of him made it to their ears through him. Still, something wasn’t adding up. If they wanted him to go with them, why not bring Shepard along? Why send a group of strangers when one teen would have worked better? And the excuse of Shepard having business with Val was flimsy as hell. That being said, they had his jacket. The jacket he saw Shepard in last before he ran off yesterday. These guys seemed to be his best lead to finding him. He looked to the man, “Lead the way.”

With another nerve grinding smile, the man turned around and started heading in the opposite direction. The people behind Kaidan moved in on him to corral him forward so he grabbed Shepard’s jacket, threw it in his backpack, and kept a steady distance from his escorts. He walked in the center of the entourage as they made their way down the streets.

As they went, he made note of every turn and landmark so he wouldn’t get lost when he made his eventual escape. Every sign, every road name, every storefront, he made note of. He also noticed the way people quickly moved to the other side of the street as they got closer. The way people on their concrete porches silently stepped back into their homes when they caught sight of them. Figures dashed into the shadows for coverage and the click of people turning locks filled the rapidly emptying street as dark clouds converged over them. It was a good observational lesson in the reputation his escorts had.

They walked for a good 20 minutes until the group rounded a corner to a stripe of old warehouses. They were made of concrete and old brick with large metal shutters for loading cargo. As they walked by them, Kaidan saw large letters in spray paint reading, “Red’s Terf, Keep Away!” Another building had, “If you see red, then you're dead!” painted on it and Kaidan rolled his eyes. These guys weren’t the most creative gang around.

Suddenly, the supposed leader of the group, to whom Kaidan never got a name, stopped in front of one of the warehouse doors. He rapped his knuckles on the old metal twice. The door cracked open a hair and Kaidan almost jumped when he saw the barrel of a gun sticking out. The man, however, didn’t flinch, “It’s me, we got the guest.” The barrel quickly went away and the door swung fully open. They all stepped inside.

As they walked in, Kaidan took the room in. It was a large open building. Any racks once used to store supplies were long gone and instead replaced with a number of various tables and furnishing. A couple of old couches were pulled in a corner where a group sat hunched over a game of cards while another table ran the length of a sidewall with questionable packages sitting on top. Above them was a catwalk suspended by wires going along the edge of the walls. A number of people hung off the railing peering down at them like sentinels. Kaidan notices the ages of the people ranged dramatically. Some younger kids, maybe early teens, sat on the ground against a wall passing a cigarette around. Teenagers mixed with young adults moved around carrying boxes and staring at them as they passed. An older crowd was in a tight circle around a table and messing around with something. Kaidan could have sworn he saw one pass an ammo magazine to another. But most notably, he saw no sign of Shepard.

He didn’t have time to ask where he was as Kaidan was taken to a door at the far end of the facility. Inside was another large room, but not as big as the first. It looked like a loading bay with one of the large shutter doors on the far wall. They stood on a small raised platform with a set of stairs leading down to a large open space of concrete Kaidan guessed trucks used to drive into. The room was lit with large industrial light fixtures hanging by aged wires that cast the room in a headache inducing yellow-orange. There was a set of high windows that went around the perimeter of the room showing the thick and heavy clouds outside.

The group walked down the small staircase to the open concrete area where there was a small number of people moving boxes back and forth. Kaidan again noticed Shepard wasn’t among them. Though there was someone of note. She stood among the workers supervising like a hawk. Her tall frame towered over most of them and her brown hair was shaved on both sides with the top braided tightly against her skull. She was in her early 30s and wore sharp make-up that accented the hard angles of her face. She wore a short, tan leather jacket over a black tank top. A pair of tight blue jeans were tucked into a bulky pair of black combat boots Kaidan could have sworn were Alliance grade. Despite her rather ordinary appearance, Kaidan didn’t doubt for a second that she was Val. The way she held herself, how she stood out among a crowd of individuals, the way authority seemed to push out from her very feet. She reminded him of Aria T'Loak in the way her presence demanded the room. He knew immediately the two would have hated each other. 

As the group approached, Val looked at them and gave a restrained smile, “You found our biotic boy.” Kaidan tried to keep his face schooled despite the hostility running through his veins.

“It took us a bit, but he was walking down 25th Street when we found him.” The man in the Ray Bans looked proud of himself and Kaidan had to use every ounce of willpower not to knock the guys lights out.

“You sure this is the guy?” Val gave him a stare that tightened his muscles.

“Ya, we’re sure. Matches the description, knows Johnny, and we saw him do a little bit of his magic. Nothing crazy, just a little to show the teeth.” The man mimicked a wolf snarling its canines.

“Good work, you’re dismissed.” Val flung her hand in a dismissive gesture and walked up to Kaidan as the others left the loading bay. She kept a good six feet between them and he noticed the other workers had stopped what they were doing and gathered around the edges of the room to watch, “So, you’re the rumored biotic walking the streets?”

Kaidan didn’t say anything and Val gave a small smile, “You’re probably wondering why I wanted to talk? Well, let me start by giving a proper introduction, you can call me Val. I’m the one in charge around here.”

“I know who you are.” Kaidan wanted to tell her to shut up and cut to the chase, but he could tell she wasn’t one to snark off to.

“Then I’m at a disadvantage, what’s your name?”

It just dawned on him that the group who picked him up never said it, they only referred to him as "Johnny’s friend". It seemed weird that his name was the information they lacked. If Shepard was the one that mentioned him to Val, then why leave out such a mundane detail?

_Unless Shepard wasn’t the one who told her about me and her informant didn’t know my name._

“Kaidan.”

“Kaidan, nice to finally have a name for the face. I understand you’re a biotic.”

Kaidan didn’t think there was much point in denying it, he already showed his hand with his little “ _show of the teeth_ ” as Ray Bans put it, “Ya.”

Val smiled, “Amazing, such power at the palm of your hand and your lot is so hard to come by.”

“Ya, we are. So how do you even know who I am?” It wasn’t like Kaidan had been in the city long, someone must have told her about him.

“You had a run-in with some of my people.”

“Who?”

“You ask a lot of questions.”

“You’re the one who called me here, I think I get to ask a few.”

Val’s smile widened, “Wow, you’ve got a pair to be making demands like that.” She paused a minute as she looked him up and down, “Mac told me.” A small strain on his heart let go when he heard that. Shepard hadn’t told her, “I was asking him about an incident regarding Johnny and he told me about a friend of his. A friend with very unique powers.” She gave him another once over that made his skin crawl.

Kaidan heard all he needed to, “Where’s Shepard?”

One of her thin eyebrows rose up, “ _Shepard_ , oh that’s cute. He’ll be joining us soon after we’re finished. After all, I did bring you here to offer you a position.” She put her hand behind her back in an idle stance.

“A what?”

“A job with the Reds. Having a biotic on our side would prove a great advantage over the competition-”

“What?” That’s why she went through all this trouble? So she could recruit a weapon to her team? “No, I don’t want any job. I’m here to get Shepard, where is he?” 

Val gave a dry laugh, “Now don’t be so quick to turn the offer down. There’s a lot the Reds can do for you. These streets are a dangerous place and we’d give you all the protection you’d need. We watch out for our own, like a big family. Not to mention, it’s lucrative, especially for someone of your talents. You’d be handsomely rewarded by putting those skills of yours to good use.”

Kaidan wanted to scoff.

_Is that the speech she gives to every new recruit. The promise of protection, of money, of family?_

Though Kaidan supposed those were in high demand in this city. Nonetheless, he already had those things, and right now he wanted it back, “I’m not interested. Where is Shepard?” Every second Kaidan was here in this hostile environment without Shepard in sight put him a faction more on edge and he had a bad feeling creeping up his spine.

Val’s friendly smile slipped away to a deadly look of indifference, “I really can’t stress this enough, Kaidan, take my offer while it’s good.” The spectators around the room shifted as the tension built, "I have big plans for the10th Street Reds. I'd like to have a biotic on my side to do it and that could be you. Besides, you want to be my ally," she inclined her head to the side in a way that cast sharp shadows along her face, "it's far safer than being my enemy."

Despite being out numbers, and he’d bet outgunned, he didn’t care. He matched her sharp glare with one of his own that showed how little her scare tactic worked on him, “ _Enough_. Where. Is. Shepard?” He pronounced each word with care.

Val sighed, “Okay, I’ll bring him in.” She made slow stride around Kaidan like a predator stalking prey. She stopped when she was next to a large man in a muscle shirt with scarred knuckles standing by the staircase, “Kane, go get Johnny for me. Our guest is eager to see him.” Her eyes never left his and Kaidan’s heart hammered against his chest.

Kane went up the stairs and left through the door he entered. Val folded her arms over her chest and put her weight on one foot, “I really rather have you on my side, Kaidan. We don’t have to be at odds. Biotics are hard to come by and those shits hyped up on red sand are nothing but a poor excuse for the real thing.”

“I’m not saying anything else till I see Shepard.” Kaidan held his ground against her sharp eyes.

The door swung open as Val gave another sign, “I was worried about that.” The big guy, Kane, came in with a limp form slung over his shoulder and Kaidan nearly cried. The man walked down the steps and went next to Val where he flung Shepard’s form onto the cold concrete. Shepard’s hands were tied with thick rope behind his back and his torso was bare. Fresh bruises and cuts littered his shoulders and ribs in sick abstract patterns. The cut above his eye reopened and blood pooled down the corner of his mouth where the skin was inflamed red and purple. The dark circles around his eyes were even more vibrant by how pale his skin was. He looked like someone took a bat to him. Kaidan’s only comfort was the pained grunt Shepard crocked out as he hit the ground, a sign of life.

“Shepard! What did you do?!” Kaidan went running forward, but at the sight of his first step, every spectator stood on their feet. Some produced old fashion guns he knew took gunpowder while others pulled out knives. Even Kane produced an old 9mm Glock 17 and pointed it at him. Val was the only one who didn’t react. Kaidan did the smart thing and stayed put.

Without moving the gun’s barrel, Kane reached down and pulled at Shepard’s bound hand, “Get up.” With little help from the man, Shepard slowly maneuvered his body till he was on his knees. He hunched over himself and slowly blinked his eyes open as heavy breaths passed his lips.

As Shepard took in his surroundings, they’re eyes locked and Kaidan heard a short, “Shit.” from under Shepard’s breath.

As Kaidan took in Shepard’s beaten form, he turned sharp eyes to Val, “This is how you treat members of your gang? What happened?!”

Val nonchalantly moved her hand to her hips, “Johnny, a 10th Street Red? While he had great potential, he never quite made it into the family. He was close until he chose his loyalties with someone else.”

“What are you talking about? He turned Mac’s drugs over to you, didn’t he!”

“Ya, he did and I thought he was going to make an excellent addition. Though, you see, when Mac was on his knees begging me not to kill him, he informed me of a friend Johnny had with a very useful gift. Hearing about it, I couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed that Johnny didn’t tell me about you himself. Then, when I asked him about you, well, he just couldn’t remember a single detail to save his life.” Kaidan thought he felt blood trickling from his palms from where his nails dug into the flesh. He could hear the rapid pounding of rain start to hit the shutter behind him and the sound echoed in the room, “He wouldn’t even give me a name.” She looked down at Shepard’s discolored flesh, “Though maybe I shouldn’t have let Mac have such a go at him. After all, you’re here now which is what’s important. And while I know this must be hard to see, my offer still stands.”

From his hunched spot on the ground, Shepard whipped his torse around to look at the woman, “Let him go, VAL! He’s not part of this life, quit trying to drag him into it!!!” Kale rose his Glock up and brought the handle down hard onto the right side of Shepard’s head. Shepard’s form crumbled on top of itself and Kaidan felt the blood go to his ears.

“NO!” Before he could step forward, Kale was back to pointing his gun at him along with every other marksman in the room.

Val quickly spoke up, “Here’s the deal, Kaidan. You have two options, work for me or leave here chopped up into several trash bags. Someone with your skills is too valuable to go unused and I can’t have you getting into the hands of another gang. So join me and you’ll find it’s quite rewarding. Good money to be made, respect from the family, whatever vices you could ever want. And, as for Johnny, well it's a shame he chose to keep his secrets over his loyalty to me, but he can be replaced. Hell, if it’s a street whore you want, then I can get you one just like him. With a better attitude too.”

A quiet but spiteful, “Fuck _you_.” slipped from Shepard’s crumbled frame and Val swung her boot into this gut. Shepard released a winded couch that left speaks of blood on the concrete.

“Definitely one that’s less stubborn. My point is, forget about this street rat. He’s played his part and has led you to a better opportunity. You should take it.”

Kaidan’s heart felt like a war drum beating out a tune that demanded blood. There was nothing he wanted more at that moment than to charge forward and run a biotic punch through Val’s teeth. But all around him were hostiles waiting for him to make the wrong move, say the wrong thing. Brute force wouldn’t get them both out of this, but a clever maneuver might.

Kaidan forced himself to unwind his hunched shoulders and breath, “Okay Val, I see what you’re saying.”

She raised another eyebrow at him and looked unconvinced. He tried to convince himself he had the upper hand. These guys didn’t know what a true biotic could do, what he was really capable of. He also may have looked young, but he had years of training and real-world experience on his side. He just hoped it would be enough, “I’ll admit, your offer sounds good.” He saw the muscles in Shepard’s back tighten, “Definitely better than the alternative.” Val pulled up one corner of her mouth though it wasn’t quite a smile, “But I want one thing.”

Everyone in the room got tense and Val looked utterly suspicious, “And what could that be?”

“I just want to check on Shep- Johnny. Just want to talk to Johnny real quick.” Val didn’t look impressed, “Just right here, you don’t even have to put your guns away. Then you can have him and I’ll go with you willingly.”

She regarded him for a second and he did his best to look like an honest 17 year old. She must have concluded his proposition was sufficient, because she nodded her head once, “I can let you have your final goodbyes. But the backpack comes off and you approach slowly. Any funny shit and my boys fill you full of lead.”

Kaidan nodded his head and slung his pack off his back. There was nothing worth saving in it anyways. He then rose both hands up to show he had nothing to hide and slowly began the walk to where Shepard was laying. Each gun in the room, to which he counted six he could see, was following his moves. He took small steps until he was just in front of him where he slowly crouched down and laid a hand to Shepard’s skin. It was chilled with a layer of cold sweat. The muscles where he touched turned taut under his hands and he heard a sharp intake of breath as he tried to lift Shepard from the cold floor.

Kaidan leaned close to Shepard’s ear and whispered as softly as he could, “Come on, Shepard, sit up for me.” With a strained grunt, Kaidan felt Shepard pull himself up until he was back on his knees and half slouched on Kaidan’s shoulder. Each of his breaths were labored and shook his form. There was a large gash on the edge of his hairline that was pooling blood down his face from where Kane hit him. His eyes were closed and a new layer of sweat began to bead at the edge of his forehead.

Kaidan looked down at him and spoke softly, “You still with me?” Slowly Shepard opened his eyes a crack. The sight of the clear blue made his heart sing and he felt a nudge of Shepard’s head he took as a yes, “Good.” He spoke his next words as quietly as he could, keenly aware that every person in the room was watching him, “On my cue, we run together.” He felt Shepard’s shoulders go rigid, but he didn’t question why. He was taking a quick survey of his surroundings as discreetly as possible. The metal shutter door was directly behind them about ten feet. The high windows and hanging light fixtures drew his attention. 

He placed both hands on Shepard’s shoulder and carefully pushed him away, “Well, it’s been good, but this is goodbye.” He didn’t say it too loud, just enough to make Kane and Val think they caught a part of a private conversation. He stood up a bit, but left one hand to Shepard’s shoulder for support, “Okay, so what now?”

Val looked a bit surprised, maybe she was expecting more of a fight. Kaidan could only hope, “Let’s go to my office and we’ll work out the details of your employment. As for that,” She pointed a dismissive finger at Shepard, “Kane will take care of it.”

Kane put his gun back into the waistband of his pants and bent forward to grab for Shepard. Kaidan noticed the people around him didn’t put their guns away, but that was okay, he saw his opening. 

Before Kane could touch Shepard, Kaidan pushed his hand down to the ground with a blast of biotic energy. He held Shepard close as the force moved outward and pushed the man and Val away from them. It wasn’t enough to knock them off their feet, just enough for him to get space between them. Before the thugs could recover, Kaidan threw up a sphere. The sounds of guns going off triggered a second later, but each shot fired ricocheted off. He almost laughed when bullets bounced off and threatened to hit the bystanders.

_Dumb asses shouldn’t shoot at a target when your friends are standing behind it._

Kaidan looked past the sphere to see the shocked and borderline terrified looks of the assailants. Meanwhile, Kane and Val looked annoyed as all hell. He gave them a smile safe within his sphere. It seems he was right and they didn’t know the full extent of what he was capable of which made his next move all the more fun. While keeping the sphere up, he focused on the light fixtures and windows. He pulled the mass effect fields around him feeling every loose wire and crack in the glass. With a sharp pull of his hand, it all came crashing down. The tall windows rained down shattered glass as the old lights pulled from the ceiling and plummeted to the ground. The room went dark as everyone took cover from the falling debris. 

Kaidan wasted no time and pulled Shepard to his feet, “Run.” With tied hands and battered body, Shepard did as he was told and moved as fast as he could on Kaidan’s heels. He quickly brought them over to the metal shutter and sent a shockwave through it with everything he had. The force hit the metal like a train and it bent back off its rails. There was now a small gap exposing the outside where Kaidan saw the rain coming down in droves. He hit it one more time with another blast and pushed the door back far enough for them both to run through without slowing down. 

Behind them, he heard Val yelling commands as the enemy regrouped. He spared a glance behind them and saw a small group trying to follow them. He sent one last shockwave back to them that knocked them to the ground. As they ran, Kaidan snaked his arm around Shepard’s waist to spur him on as he brought up a barrier around them. If the gang tried to send a bullet to their backs, they’d at least have some cover.

The two of them marched through the storming rain as fast as they could in Shepard’s state. Once he felt they’d put enough ground between them, Kaidan pulled them into an alley where they leaned against the wall with heavy breaths. While his lungs pulled for air, Kaidan wasted no time and began pulling at Shepard’s restraints, “Hang on, Shepard.” The knot took a couple of tries but eventually came loose. As the rope slid off, Kaidan saw raw circles around his thin wrist and small cuts where the cheap rope cut in. Shepard didn’t seem to notice as one hand went to the side of his ribs. His shoulders were visibly shaking and his breaths were a ragged sound. Kaidan felt a cold wind blow through the wet air that hit Shepard's bare form. 

Kaidan quickly took his windbreaker off. It was soaked, they both were, but Shepard needed anything to cover his skin. As Kaidan went to give the jacket over, he saw Shepard slowly start to slide down the wall, “Shepard?” The other’s knees buckled and Kaidan had to move quickly to catch him before he hit the ground. With a careful hand, he helped Shepard to the ground where he sat limply on his knees. His eyes were barely open, his skin was cold to the touch, and he was covered in water and blood.

Then, to add salt to the wounds, he heard distant screams.

“Find them! Shoot them if you see them!” They were muffled by the rain, but he could hear the sounds of feet pounding on wet concrete.

He didn’t wait to see who they were or who they were looking for. He wrapped Shepard in his windbreaker and carefully threw him over his shoulders in a fireman's carry. Using the shadows and rain to cover them, he ran through the streets.

☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I've been very excited to get this chapter out. The next one's going to a long one, so hang in there for that.  
> Thank you to everyone giving this a Kudos and comments, I really appreciate it.  
> Also, please feel free to let me know of any typos. I've already caught a few and I'm going back and editing them. I read these chapters more than a couple of times, so it can get hard for me to catch mistakes when I know what each word's supposed to be. -_-"
> 
> Thank you all so much again, see you next Wednesday!


	8. Long Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan helps Shepard recover from their encounter with the Reds.

Kaidan kicked his front door open. It gave a groan as it swung on its hinges and knocked hard into the doorstop. As he passed the threshold, he kicked it shut as it bounced back and quickly locked it. He felt his chest burn for air as he tracked pools of water into the house, but he ignored all of it as he made his way over to the living room. With as much care as his worn body could manage, he laid Shepard down onto the cushion.

Laying on his back, Shepard released a small groan that told Kaidan he was still responsive. He took a moment to catch his breath and evaluate their condition. They were both soaking wet and chilled. Shepard had a head wound that looked to be his most pressing injury, though Kaidan wasn’t ruling out broken ribs just yet. As for himself, he was just tired. A tired that came from using a ton of biotic power and running through chilled rain with a human on your shoulders. But it was nothing he couldn’t handle, he’d done it a hundred times before.

The first thing he did was make sure all the doors were locked tight and blinds were closed. He didn’t know if they got tailed and the last thing he needed was the gang busting in. Then he ran to the bathroom and got towels. He dried Shepard off first. He gave him small commands like, “Can you sit up?” and “Raise your arm a little”, to which Shepard loosely complied, doing as he said in a haze of exhaustion and pain. Kaidan was also able to get a better look at his injuries and found more bad bruises trailing along his skin. He felt along each rib and was happy to find none broken, but some very badly bruised. He finished cleaning the last of the water and blood off Shepard and had him hold a towel to his temple to keep his new gash from drenching him once more. He absently noticed the split above his eye was in much better condition than it was yesterday, despite reopening, and he figured Shepard had used the medagel he gave him.

Kaidan then quickly stripped down to his boxers and threw his wet clothes to the corner of the room. A chill ran down his spine as the room’s air touched his damp skin. He wiped himself down quickly and then went up the stairs to get supplies. He ran to his room and threw on a pair of sweats and a shirt. He made sure to grab a change of clothes for Shepard as well. Next, he walked to his parent's room and found the Alliance grade medkit his dad always stashed away for emergencies. Again, he found himself immensely overjoyed that his fake parents weren’t here, he didn’t want to have to explain his way out of this one. He found the kit stashed in the back of their closet. It was the size of a small suitcase in a bright orange case. Inside was everything a first responder could wish for just short of an actual hospital. He brought it downstairs to Shepard who was resting with his eyes closed, pale as a corpse.

Kaidan sat the clothes next to him, “I got some dry clothes for you. You can put them on after I look at your wounds.”A small hum was his only reply. Kaidan didn’t know if Shepard was fully understanding him right now, but he got to work anyway. With the ambient sound of rain, he opened the medkit and found a new bottle of medagel. He slipped on a pair of gloves and began cleaning wounds with disinfectant and applying the aid. He had to pick out small fibers of rope from Shepard’s wrist where the cheap bindings were left in his skin. The head wound was a challenge. It cut right across the upper right corner of his hairline in a long gash. It wasn’t too deep, but it needed a few stitches if it was going to stop bleeding. Kaidan numbed the area and slowly did the job with as much care as he could. He never had the most steady hand, but Shepard was good about it and only moved a little. Though Kaidan knew he must have still felt it by the way one of his hands clenched tight into the cushion.

A good hour had passed by the time Kaidan finished everything. He could still hear the rain howling outside as he looked at his handy work. Shepard had both his wrist wrapped up, large adhesive medical bandages around his torso, and a thick bundle of gauze taped to his forehead to cover the stitches. Medigel was applied to each cut and bruise and Kaidan could already see the swelling subsiding. With all that done, all that was left was to get him into some warm clothes and let him rest.

The only article of clothing left on him was a pair of worn blue jeans and Kaidan hoped there weren't any bruises on his legs as he went to undo the ragged belt. He only managed to touch the worn leather when Shepard’s hand suddenly shot out and lacked onto his wrist. The movement was so quick, Kaidan almost jumped back, “Shepard, I need to get you into something dry and your jeans are soaked.” He went to remove the belt again, but the grip on his wrist got tighter.

“No.” The word was barely above a whisper and sounded gargled.

“Shepard, they’re soaked and you're freezing. I’m taking them off.” Kaidan was tired and probably didn’t have the best bedside manner at the moment, but Shepard’s health was his priority and he didn’t have a lot of patience for the delay. But when he went to try again, Shepard dug his nails hard into the flesh of his wrist to the point of pain.

When Kaidan looked over, Shepard was glaring at him through slits in his eyelids, “No.” His eyes were cold and Kaidan took the hint and slowly moved his hand away. Shepard released his wrist in a quick motion and shut his eyes once more. Kaidan felt his chest deflate a bit as a heavy sign passed his lips. He quickly packed everything away. Once that was done, Kaidan went and retrieved a water bottle with some pain meds and brought them over to Shepard.

“You should take these for the pain.” With little acknowledgment, Shepard took the pills and swallowed them, ignoring the water, “Good, can you walk?” Shepard opened his eyes and looked at him. They were blurry and unfocused, “There’s a bed up the stairs.” With that Shepard closed his eyes once more and went to sit up. Kaidan helped him and, with most of Shepard’s weight leaning heavily on his side, they slowly hobbled to the base of the stairs. Right before they went to take the first step, Kaidan saw Shepard’s head lull down and knew he was probability fighting off a wave of dizziness. Before he could set Shepard down to get his bearings, the man’s knees buckled and he nearly took them both to the ground. Kaidan managed to catch them and lower him carefully to the floor. 

He looked Shepard over and concluded the dilated pupils and cold sweat meant he wasn’t getting up the stairs easily. Kaidan slid one arm around his back and the other under his legs. In a bridal carry, he carefully walked up the stairs sideways with Shepard resting like dead weight in his arms. When he made it to his room, he gently laid Shepard onto his bed and wrapped the blankets tight around his cold frame. Kaidan gave a relieved sigh when Shepard seemed to curl into the sheets and let the tension in his shoulders go slack. As Shepard silently rested, Kaidan rubbed his palms against his temples to stave off the exhaustion. He looked at his omni tool and saw it read 14:18, but it felt so much later than that.

Kaidan made one last trip downstairs to double-check all the locks on the doors and survey the street. He grabbed the unopened water bottle and unused change of clothes. He could feel the weight of his limbs and a subtle pounding behind his eyes and he ascended the stairs. He quietly walked back into his room where he set the items he retrieved next to Shepard’s head on the nightstand. Meanwhile, Shepard looked sound asleep, oblivious to the news of his achievements playing downstairs. That looked like a pretty good idea, peaceful sleep, so Kaidan took a seat at his desk. It wasn’t the most comparable seat, but he didn’t mind. He kicked his feet up onto his deck and leaned back. He ran through the chaotic morning in his head. With the arrival of Cerberus and now an angry gang after them, the environment they were in seemed to be getting more hostile as the days went by. He could only hope Tali got them out soon.

☆

Radio static reached Kaidan’s ears in a soft murmur. It pulled at his nerves in an irritating pitch that dragged him from the restless sleep he was in. He opened his eyes that felt too heavy to move and saw a dark room. The sound of steady rain could be heard hitting the window outside as the static got louder. Kaidan woke slowly as he looked around and remembered where he was and what led him to sleep in a bent back desk chair. As he came back to his senses, he swung his legs off the desk and looked to his bed. There Shepard was, wrapped tightly in his blankets on his side facing Kaidan. His eyes were shut peacefully in quiet sleep.

Kaidan gave a sigh of relief at the sight then focused back to the sound of static that was slowly growing. By now he was familiar with it and it was all too welcomed. He looked at his computer, but saw nothing, then looked down to his omni tool where there was an invite for a video call. He quietly stepped out of his room and noted the time read 12:27. He shut the door quietly and sat down on the floor outside his room. He waited for Tali's voice to come through.

“....aid?...d….ed..me? Are...there?”

“Tali, I’m here.” He didn’t want to raise his voice too loud in fear of waking Shepard. 

“Kaidan, I….er..you. Give…...minute….” Soon the static died away, “There! Kaidan, do you read?”

“I’m here, Tali.” Kaidan hoped his voice didn’t sound too rough from sleep.

“Kaidan, what’s wrong? Something bad happened, didn’t it?”

Okay, he didn’t think he sounded that bad, “Sorry I just woke up so-wait, are you talking about what happened this morning?”

“We’re monitoring your vitals and Shepard had a major spike in heart rate and brain activity. Medics thought he was going into cardiac arrest. Then not long after that, you started to spike too. What happened?” She sounded so worried Kaidan wanted to reassure her it was going to be okay. But he didn’t think he could make it sound sincere enough.

“We had a run-in with a gang. Things got...bad. I had to pull out some strong biotics to get us out of it. Shepard got hurt, but he’s alive and resting now.”

“No, it’s getting worse.”

“What is? Tali, what’s happening.”

“Kaidan, we figured out why the reapers ran these simulations and it’s not good.” At no point did he ever think it was going to be good, but he didn’t interrupt her, “These machines were used by collectors back when they were abducting human colonies, but this vessel had a different mission. They were responsible for gathering information on all the races and processing their genetic code. This ship was the first to modify test subjects into reaper soldiers.”

“You mean this ship is responsible for those mutated troops we fought?”

“It laid the groundwork. This vessel gathered genetic information, tested living subjects, and began production of the first generation of marauders, brutes, cannibals! It created the genetic blueprints that would be used to build the reaper forces during the war.”

On one hand, Kaidan was happy to hear they unlocked the mystery. On the other hand, that was not only astonishingly terrifying news, but it also didn’t exactly explain their current positions, “Tali, everything you just said sounds like a nightmare, but what does that have to do with these simulations.”

There was a pause before she answered, “Recon.”

“Recon? What do you mean.”

“These simulations were a form of information gathering. They would put test subjects into the chambers and have them live out scenarios based on their lives in order to gather information on aspects of their biology and culture. The birth of a child, a graduation ceremony of a soldier-”

“All useful information when trying to cause the extinction of a species.” Kaidan felt a spike of rage tango with grief. The reapers were ruthless in the pursuit to kill their enemies. From indoctrination to creating mutated soldiers from the innocent, they never cared about fighting with honor or respect. But the act of invading the mind of another, going into their most personable memories just so they could watch for a sliver of information they could use to kill their loved ones, it was a new kind of sickness that rose vile to Kaidan’s mouth. He thought the reapers were done surprising him with all their twisted madness, but that never seemed to be the case.

“The data ranges from things like sleeping patterns and nutritional habits to common technology and weapons. They were using these machines to scout the different races without having to send any troops in. And it gets worse.”

“How can it get worse than that?” Being kidnapped by collectors and living your last moments in a fake world that's purpose was to learn how to kill your friends the fastest.

“From what we can cipher, the simulation’s main focus isn’t on details like cultural experiences or biological observations, its main purpose was to test organic’s limitations. It would test scenarios and see how long the subjects could survive.”

Kaidan didn’t like where this was going, “You mean it would make a hostile environment and see just what it took to kill someone?”

“If the machine detected a potential threat, it would analyze it and then add variables to the situation to see if the organic could adapt and survive. That turian, his original memory was from a gunfight where he survived a three on one shootout. The program saw this and then ran him through a similar scenario with an added variable. Instead of three gunmen, there were four.”

“So it just keeps ramping up the difficulty until they can’t keep up.”

“Yes, eventually the simulation ran a scenario of five gunmen and one was equipped with heavy weapons. The turian couldn’t outmaneuver them, he was killed.”

“Shit.” The encounter in the ally, Mac’s attack, the confrontation with Val, each one was worse than the last. How long did they have until the odds were too much? “Tali, you gotta get us out of here. Things are already getting out of hand, we had bullets flying at us today. I don’t know what it’s going to throw at us next, but Shepard doesn't even have his memories. I don’t know how long we can hold out.”

“I know, we’ve been trying, but the defense code has a fail safe. When it detects potential third party threats, it sets off a termination sequence.”

“What does that mean?”

“The feedback of a confirmed death is the only way to trigger the program's shut down. So if the defense code feels threatened, it’ll try to end the simulation as fast as it can. The only way to do that is to kill the subject and trigger shut down.”

“So the more you tamper with it, the more it tries to kill us?”

“We’re worried that if we open a back door, the defense code will trigger a fatal situation and kill you both outright. But the more we try to find workarounds, the worse the environment gets for you.”

“Damn it.” They were in a bad place. Stuck in a simulation that wanted them dead and, the more people tried to get them out, the worse it got, “What are our options?”

“Well, we have an idea, but it’ll potentially put you both in greater danger as we tamper with the programming.”

“Do it.”

“Kaidan-”

“Tali, we don’t have a choice. We can’t stay here, things are already bad and, by the sounds of it, it won’t get better. Doing nothing would only delay the inevitable, might as well kick it off and give us a chance to get out.”

“You’re right, but what about Shepard? You said he was hurt.”

“Ya, but I’ll watch over him. Right now we’re somewhere safe and, with any luck, we may be able to bunker down and stay away from too much trouble.” Now that he knew what the simulation was doing, maybe he could avoid the threats altogether.

“Okay, just be careful beca-What? Did you get in?” Tali wasn’t talking to him anymore, “Did it work? Hold on, let me see. Kaidan, I have to go. I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”

“Ok, Tali.”

“Stay safe, I’ll call you back in just a minute.” With that, her line went dead.

Kaidan released a heavy sigh and slumped back against the wall. This was definitely not the mission they signed up for. With a shake of his head, Kaidan stood up. There was no point in moping around, they had a mission, survive. It was a mission they were rather good at, so he was hoping for the best.

Slowly, Kaidan opened his door to not let the ambient light from the hall in. He shut it quietly behind him and looked into his small room. The moon’s light was trying to crawl under the blinds casting thin strips of light on the surroundings. Heavy rain slammed against the window creating a soothing tune. Shepard’s form was at rest in the bed and Kaidan sat heavily on his desk chair. He felt wide awake now that he knew they were in a life or death scenario. Despite that, he tried to calm himself down. It was his job to see them through this, he needed to keep a calm head to pull that off.

Kaidan’s eyes slowly wander to Shepard’s form wrapped tight in his covers. He trailed along the curves of the sheet till he reached the youths face. He gave a jump in his seat when he saw blue eyes, open wide, reflecting moonlight back at him.

Kaidan put a hand to his chest and felt his heart pound from the scare, “You’re awake.” Kaidan let out a breath to calm himself and saw how Shepard didn’t move. He pushed his chair closer to his bed, “How are you feeling?” Kaidan moved in close, but Shepard just looked back at him with an unreadable expression, “Shepard, are you all right?” 

He was getting worried that the prolonged silence was a side effect of some head injury when Shepard’s quiet voice echoed in the room, “Why can’t I remember you?”

The question took him by surprise, “Oh, I don’t kn-”

“You’re like this echo I can almost hear. I think it’s there, but it’s gone as quickly as it came. Who are you?”

Kaidan felt his heartbeat rhythmically hitting his chest, and this time it wasn’t from a scare, “I’m….I’m your friend.”

“No, you’re a threat.” Yet Shepard didn’t look threatened. In fact, he looked quite comfortable wrapped snug in his blankets.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because you’re a dangerous man, Alenko. Suddenly showing up like a white knight, going on about friendship and comradery, things I’ve never had, never needed. You want me to believe I’m safe with you at my side.” 

“And that makes me dangerous?” They spoke in hushed whispers.

“Ya.”

“Why?” 

“Because you make me want to believe you.” The way Shepard stared at him was unjoined. He wasn’t looking at Kaidan, he was somewhere else far away in thoughts of his own. Thoughts he didn’t mean to share. And as Kaidan came to that conclusion, so did Shepard. His hazy eyes became sharp and wide. He very suddenly threw back the covers and sat bolt up.

“Be careful.” Though his warning came too late and the other crumbled onto himself with one hand to his temple and the other digging into the mattress to keep himself upright. 

Kaidan promptly stood from his seat and went to help, though he was stopped in his tracks as one of Shepard’s hands was thrown up in his path, “No, just-” Shepard cut himself off and took a deep breath in, “I’m fine.” Though the way he gritted the phase through his teeth didn't spark any confidence.

Kaidan watched as Shepard seemed to gather himself from his hazy state and recover from his sudden blunder. Moonlight shined off Shepard’s exposed skin to reveal a thin layer of sweat, “Hey, um-” With a sideways glance, Shepard watched him, “Why don’t you jump into the shower. It might help you clear your head and I’ll give you the medkit so you can patch up anything I missed. While you do that, I’ll uh, go get some food. I don’t think either of us has had much to eat.”

There was a brief pause until Shepard nodded his head. Kaidan didn’t move from his spot but he watched very carefully as Shepard untangled himself from the bedsheets. He was still wearing his jeans which Kaidan bet were ridiculously uncomfortable. When he was sure Shepard wasn’t going to pass out on him, he got up and retreived the cloths from before. He handed him a pair of grey sweat pants with a drawstring, an old Space Odyssey shirt he didn’t remember the origins of, and the smallest pair of boxers he had. As Shepard took them, he knew right away everything was too big, but at least the drawstring would help with the pants, “Out the door to the left. It’s the door at the end of the hall. Towels are under the sink and there’s soap already in there.” Shepard nodded his head in acknowledgment then went off to find the bathroom.

Kaidan fought back his worry that Shepard might get himself hurt while his back was turned and went back downstairs. He went to the kitchen first where he pulled out two pots and turned the stove on. In one he put his mother’s spaghetti sauce and began to heat it. In the other, he started the process of boiling water. He then pulled out the rest of the pierogies and began to heat them in a pan. While those were all cooking, he took the medkit up the stairs and placed it in front of the bathroom door. He could hear the shower running and gave the door a quick knock, “I’ll leave the medkit here for when you’re done.” He didn’t get a response but left anyway.

Kaidan checked on the food and threw the pasta on a timer to cook while placing the pierogies on a serving dish to cool. He hunted down a set of clean sheets and went back up to his bedroom, cursing his two-story house. With quick movements, he stripped the covers damp from wet jeans and sweat and replaced them with a fresh set. Kaidan found there were few things better than crawling into a bed with fresh sheets.

He pulled the last of his blankets tight across his bed with tucked corners, ready for Alliance inspection. Some habits never died. He stepped back and admired his handy work as he rose both arms high above his head. He couldn’t tell if his exhaustion was because of the lack of food, late hour, or the hectic day. Probably a combination of all three. His freshly made bed called his name like a seductress and he felt fatigue pulling at his limbs. He declined the sweet call, he had too much to do. He turned around putting his back to the bed. He didn’t make another move though, he stopped when he saw Shepard standing in the doorway.

One hand held onto his dirtied pair of jeans while the other clenched at the waistband of the too big sweatpants. Kaidan’s old clothes hung off his shoulder and draped down his frame in folds, emphasizing this bony frame. Fresh bandages covered his facial wounds while his shirt hid the rest. Small drops of water shined back the weak light from the hall illuminating pale skin. And when Kaidan looked up to his face he looked….pissed.

Before Kaidan could process anymore, Shepard violently threw his jeans to the side and quickly marched towards Kaidan. He tried to retreat but almost tripped himself on his bed that blocked his path. It ended up not mattering as two hands pushed his shoulders hard and he fell flat on his back onto his mattress. Before he could sit up, two hands pinned his shoulders down and a pair of thighs locked around his waist. It took him a moment to realize Shepard was on top of him pinning him down and he suddenly didn’t like the situation he found himself in, “Shepard, what are you-”

“Shut up!” Shepard leaned his head in closer to his and Kaidan felt his cheeks heat up. Though he couldn’t quite place what he was supposed to be feeling. He thought, in any other situation, this was probably something fun they’d be doing. But right now he was not having fun, “Enough playing around, Alenko. Let's get this over with.”

“Get what over with? What are you-” He was interrupted as Shepard pulled his hips rough against his and hot friction ran over his groan. A cold panic tightened Kaidan’s mussels.

_Nope! We are not going there!_

While Kaidan loved Shepard with all his heart and he’d never cease to think the man is God's sexiest creation, he was _NOT_ a 17 year old teen. He was a 40 year old man trying to get his husband's younger version to not glare at him for more than five minutes. He didn’t know what had gotten into Shepard, but he was not letting them go down this road.

“Shepard, no-” Kaidan tried to squirm free, but Shepard’s legs squeezed harder and his fingers dug into his shoulders.

“Shut it, Alenko, I’m done playing games with you! You obviously don’t need money, I don’t have drugs, I got no skills you can’t accomplish with your biotics. So if this is what you want, then fine, I’ll pony up.”

_“Pony up” who says that any more?_

Kaidan's thoughts were abruptly interrupted when Shepard leaned his head in closes to his and he craned his neck away, “Wait, no, I don’t want this!”

Shepard leaned back with a snarl, but Kaidan was just glad for the breathing room, “Bullshit. You don't think I don’t notice the way you stare at me? I’m not a fucking idiot.”

Was he staring? Kaidan felt he may have been staring at times but it was more in the “I’m lost in happy memories of you” kind of way and not the “eyeing that meat” kind of way. Nonetheless, it was in fact, not something he wanted. He’d be happy to continue this exchange after they were back in their house as two old men.

“I’m sorry if I gave off that impression, but really, I don’t want this.” Kaidan held up his hand in an innocent gesture. 

Shepard replied by fisting his hands into his shirt and pulling Kaidan off the mattress a bit, “I got nothing else to give, so just take the offer.”

Kaidan’s worry suddenly turned to cold dread as he looked into those blue eyes, “Why do you need to give anything?”

“Because that’s how it works! Everyone has a price, an angle they’re working for, something they want. And I’ve figured out yours.” His last words were just above a whisper and he went to lean into Kaidan again.

Before Kaidan could put a stop to it, both his and Shepard’s attention went to his omni tool as the timer he set went off, “My pasta!” Kaidan felt a wave of relief wash over him as he found the perfect out, “I need to get my pasta off the stove.” He looked to Shepard with a smile he hoped didn’t give way to the immense relief he felt, but knew it probably did.

Shepard pulled his brows together, “Pasta?”

“For dinner, or I guess a really early breakfast depending on how you look at it.” He put a free hand to Shepard’s side and flipped the other under him. It was a quick move meant to be used against assailants on top of you, but it wasn’t the first time Kaidan’s used it on Shepard in the bedroom. The shock of the movement freed Shepard’s grip on him and he used the opportunity to stand back up and take a step back, “I’ll go finish up dinner and bring us some food.” He kept his fake smile on his face as Shepard sat up in the bed and looked at him. With uncertainty, maybe disappointment, he didn’t know. He just knew he looked lost.

With no reply, Kaidan turned to head downstairs. Before he left he paused in the doorway, hesitant to leave so quickly. He gave a big huff, “Shepard, I know this is all probability new to you, but-” he released another sigh, “Just, I don’t need anything. I don’t need payment. Everything I’ve done is because we’re a team and we watch each other’s backs." He gave another sigh, "I don't want anything from you, I just want you to be safe.” Kaidan didn’t look behind him to see his reaction, he just made his way over to the staircase.

Kaidan carefully drained the pasta. He watched the steam rise up as boiling water hit the sink’s cold metal. The rest of dinner/early breakfast preparations were done mechanically as his mind buzzed. He poured a little oil over the pasta as he ran over the conversation with Tali in his mind. He pulled out two plates from the cabinet as he thought about what Shepard had said while he was pinned to the bed. He scooped pasta onto the plates while his hand held the kitchen utensil in a vise grip as he stewed over the heavy meaning of Shepard’s words.

It was only the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs that pulled him away from his raging thoughts. Kaidan turned around to see Shepard carefully make his way to the base of the staircase. His eyes looked around till they spotted Kaidan standing in the kitchen. His bare feet patted across the floor as he made his way towards him.

Kaidan tried not to look too surprised by his sudden appearance while Shepard wore a well-crafted expression that gave nothing away. His blue eyes were slightly hooded and looked like absolutely nothing awkward just went down in the bedroom. Shepard walked over to the counter across from Kaidan and leaned a hip on it, “So, what are we eating?”

“Oh, spaghetti, and I heated up some pierogies.” He gestured to the now cooled dish he prepared earlier.

“Oh, is that what those are?” Shepard walked over and picked one up with his fingers, “I ate the other ones you left, they were good.” Shepard threw it in his mouth and gave a satisfied hum.

Kaidan couldn't help but smile, “Ya, sorry they were cold.” Shepard gave a dismissive shrug as Kaidan finished dishing out the food. He turned and handed the plate to Shepard, “Right behind you in the drawer are utensils. You can eat upstairs if you want or there’s the living room with a TV.” 

Shepard accepted the food and retrieved a fork, “The table is fine.” With that, he walked over to the small four chair dining table and took a seat. Kaidan followed close behind with his food and the plate of pierogies.

He took a seat across from Shepard and the two began to eat their meal in a tentative silence. Despite the less than perfect atmosphere they had going, it was an oddly familiar feeling. Sitting at a small table across from one another, enjoying a meal. If Kaidan closed his eyes he could almost imagine them back in Vancouver. At any moment Shepard would mindlessly nudge his foot against Kaidan’s ankle as Normandy gave an annoyed whine from the living room because she wasn’t allowed in the kitchen when they ate.

While it wasn’t an affectionate nudge to the ankle, Shepard was the one to break the silence, “The food’s good.”

Kaidan pulled himself from his wandering thoughts and looked up to see Shepard absently looking at him, “Oh, thanks.”

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Oh well, I didn't do this, sort of. My mom made the sauce, I just cooked the pasta.”

“You’re mom?”

“Uh ya, she's a great cook. She’s also the one who made the pierogies.”

“Oh” Shepard looked back at his food that he seemed to be pushing around more than eating, “She’s not here?”

“No, not right now. She’s out of town for a few days visiting a friend.” And again Kaidan found himself ridiculously grateful for that.

“Oh….what about a dad? You got one of those?”

“Ya, but he’s also out of town, business trip.”

Shepard shook his head in acknowledgment and went back to pecking away at his food. The silence grew on and Kaidan felt a little sad for it. 

By the time they finished their meal, the pierogies were gone and they hadn’t said anything else. In fact, Kaidan watched as Shepard sat at the opposite end of the table staring at his empty plate. He had that lost look on his face again like he was in a desert looking at the vast rolling dunes and didn’t know which direction to start walking.

Kaidan got up and grabbed his empty plate, “Do you want more?” Shepard shook his head silently and Kaidan grabbed his plate.

As he turned to leave, Shepard spoke up, “It was good, um….thank you.”

Kaidan’s heart did a flip. That was the first time Shepard had thanked him. He couldn’t help but smile, “No problem. I’ll leave it out in case you change your mind.” He turned back to the kitchen to put the dishes away, but he didn’t get far.

“Why didn’t you take it?”

Kaidan looked back to him, “Take what?”

“Val’s offer.” Clear blue eyes, eyes that looked aged far beyond their years, looked at him, “The job would have been easy money with your abilities. And she’s got pull, she could have given you any price you asked. All she asks for is a job well done and loyalty, something you could pull off easily. So why? With all the things she offered you, why did you turn her down?”

Kaidan looked at Shepard and for the first time since being in this simulation, he thought he finally understood something.

_He thought I was going to turn on him. Throw him to the wolves for a better opportunity. Like he did with Mac._

Shepard was sitting there wondering why the hell Kaidan passed up a golden opportunity when all it cost him was some street rat. And while Kaidan knew the answer without a moment of thought, he was pretty sure Shepard knew the answer too.

“Why did you?”

Shepard's neural expression turned confused, “What?”

“Why did you turn her down?”

“I didn’t-”

“All it cost was my name.” Shepard’s expression turned shocked like someone found his diary, “You worked so hard to prove your loyalty to her, and then you gave it up. For what? You already threw Mac to the sharks, what's one more person you barely know? You could have told her all about me and easily brought me to her. I would have followed without question. But you didn’t.” Shepard looked almost pale, “When you can answer why you gave up a place with the Reds to protect me from Val, then you’ll know the answer of why I picked you over them.”

Kaidan didn’t wait for Shepard to respond, he just gently put the dishes into the sink and quickly cleaned up. All while Shepard sat at his place at the table and stared blankly into the wood. Kaidan decided it might be best to give him some space, so he silently went upstairs.

When he got to his room, he swore another headache was coming on. Though it felt more like stress then extension. Who would have thought this would be such an exhausting mission? Kaidan sat heavily on the edge of his bed and released a big sigh. He looked to the clock, it was just past one in the morning.

He was contemplating whether to fight the exhausting and try to be productive or give in to its sweet call when his door opened. He looked up to see Shepard walk quietly inside and close the door behind him. There was a moment when they both stared at each other not knowing what to say. It had been such a long night, Kaidan didn’t think there was much more that needed to be said.

“What now?” Shepard’s words sounded loud in the quiet space between them and Kaidan didn’t know what to do with them. It was a good question, what now? Were they really safe in this fabricated house and its digital walls? Was sitting in here the best way to survive this mess or were they just pry waiting for the end? Was there something they could have been doing at this moment to hasten their escape?

But those weren’t the questions Shepard was asking, he just wanted to know where they went from here, in this room, at this late hour. 

Kaidan’s tired eyes wandered down to the oversized Space Odyssey shirt that hung off Shepard’s frame, “What to watch a movie?”

Shepard’s eye got a little wide, “What’d you have in mind?”

He had nothing in mind, he didn’t even know what his library had in this crazed simulation. He brought up his omni tool and scanned through titles. Instinctively, he looked for Blasto movies. That was usually the go-to on late nights when neither of them could sleep, but came up short. 

_Of course they’re not here, they haven’t been made yet._

Kaidan was a little disappointed, he was hoping to see Shepard’s reaction to his first-ever Blasto film. Instead, he stumbled across a handful of retro action films and a long lost collection of romcoms he’d never admit to owning. Then he stumbled across Space Odyssey and figured it was a fitting match.

“Have you ever seen 2001: Space Odyssey?”

Shepard’s eyes grew in surprise, “You have a movie from 2001?”

“No, it was originally released in 1968, 2001 is just part of the title.” The blue saucers grew even larger, “But I have the 2068 hundred year anniversary remake of it. You want to watch it?”

“That’s still a really old movie.” Shepard huffed as he made his way closer to him.

“Ya, but it holds up pretty well.” He thinks. It'd been a long time since he'd seen it. As Shepard walked over to the bed, Kaidan got up and grabbed a small tablet from his desk drawer. He turned it on to bring the movie up on the portable screen. When he looked over to Shepard, he found him standing awkwardly between the bed and desk clearly unsure of where to go. Kaidan used his foot to drag over his desk chair and grabbed it, “Why don’t you sit on the bed. I can drag the chair over and we can place the screen between us.”

Kaidan went to pull the chair over but was stopped by Shepard’s foot, “I’ll take the chair, the bed’s yours.”

While Kaidan would have loved to curl up in bed right now, his eyes fell on the many bandages and bruises Shepard was sporting and he knew the other still needed rest and sleep. Two things that were hard to get while in a cheap computer chair, “No, it’s fine. The chair works for me-”

“I’m not kicking you out of your bed, Kaidan.” His eyes looked fierce with all new fire. It was very reminiscent of him trying to give Shepard the jacket.

“You’re not kicking me out if I’m offering. Besides, you need rest.”

“So do you, Mr. Biotic. And I doubt you got any good sleep lying in this flimsy thing.” Shepard gave the base of the chair a kick which rocked it pathetically.

A little warmth filled Kaidan’s stomach for the care Shepard was showing him. Maybe it was a sign of the man he really was shining through the hard layers the streets formed around him. Kaidan didn’t know, but it made him happy to see it again. But that didn’t change the fact that there was only one of them that needed to focus on healing and recovery, and it wasn’t him.

“Shepard, I really have to insist you take the-”

“Gah! You’re so frustrating!” Shepard threw his hands into the air in such a dramatic manner that Kaidan couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips. He watched as Shepard ran a hand down his face in exaggerated exhaustion and gave him a once over. Kaidan patiently stayed quiet as Shepard eyed the bed then looked back to him and eventually crossed his arms over his chest, “Just,” Shepard’s eyes went to the floor and, while it was dark, Kaidan could almost sware he saw a flush of pink cover his cheeks, “Fuck, it’s big enough,” Shepard cut himself off as he threw his weight back and forth between feet, “We can just,” Again he cut himself off and gave a general gesture like Kaidan was suppose to know what that meant.

“We can what?” Kaidan wished he knew where this was going.

“Fuck, K! You really gonna make me say it?” Shepard now looked at him with both hands on his hips like he was the biggest inconvenience in the world.

It took a lot of effort for him not to laugh at Shepard’s bewildered expression, “I guess so.”

“Fine! Let’s share! Your bed’s big enough. You take the inside and I’ll take the out. That way we both might be able to get some actual rest. Happy now?”

Admittedly, yes. Mostly because he wasn’t expecting it. Thus far Shepard had been very clear about keeping his distance, with the exception of the earlier event. So for him to recommend such a...close solution was a little out of the blue. Maybe he gave what Kaidan said a little thought and decided to let the walls down a bit.

“If you want, it's a full so it won’t be that tight of a squeeze.”

“Good!” Shepard gave a huff and shook his head back and forth. When Kaidan didn’t move, he gave him a glare, “Well?” he gestured to the bed, “What are you waiting for?”

Kaidan gave a huff that only sounded a little like a laugh and climbed over his bed to the side pushed against the wall. It didn’t escape his notice that Shepard selected the side that was the easiest to get out of, but he didn’t say anything.

Once in place, Kaidan rearranged the pillows so they could sit up and pushed the covers back. Then he waited for Shepard. He looked to the other who tentatively sat down looking stiff as a board. Shepard pushed his shoulders into the pillows and kicked the blanket aside looking about ready to bolt at any moment. Again, Kaidan didn’t say anything and just placed the screen between them, propped it up on a throw pillow, and hit play.

The opening sequence played and Kaidan took a deep breath in and let himself relax comfortably. While Shepard looked about as comfortable as a criminal in the electric chair, Kaidan couldn’t help but finally feel some sense of ease. After all the running around and danger, he was finally able to have a moment of peace with Shepard not off to god knows where getting into who knows what trouble. And this moment, it was familiar. Laying in bed watching a movie trying to forget the plights of the day. 

Kaidan guessed it may have even been a bit familiar to Shepard too. Because as the movie played on his stiff shoulders relaxed and his on edge eyes became hooded. He stopped looking like he was about to run out the door and more like he was about to fall asleep.

They watched the movie in comfortable silence. At moments Kaidan could almost laugh at some of the themes in Space Odyssey. Rogue AI’s and alien technology that can influence people. He had to wonder if the creators of the film ever knew how right they could be.

They had just finished the part of the film where Bowman shut Hail down when Kaidan felt something tap his shoulder. He looked over and saw Shepard’s head resting gently on it with not a care in the world. By now they’d both slumped down and made their way under the warm covers. Exhaustion pulled them both in and out of consciences as they tried to take in the plot of the film and it seemed Shepard finally gave out.

Kaidan could feel the smile that pulled at his lips. To see the fiery youth finally give in to a little proper rest was a reward Kaidan would hold onto long after they escape this place. He was so lost in content he nearly missed the soft words that were only audible due to the proximity to his ear.

“Were we only friends?” 

Kaidan tensed in surprise, he thought Shepard was asleep, but it seemed the youth wasn’t quite there yet, “What'd you say?”

He felt Shepard’s head move, but it didn’t leave its spot, “Were….” Shepard hesitated on the question, “Were we only friends when you knew me?” Shepard moved his head to look at Kaidan. Hooded eyes and thick lashed reflecting back the colors of the film, Shepard looked at him with something almost akin to longing.

And Kaidan felt every muscle in his body tense. How was he supposed to answer that? “Yes, actually we’ve been married for two years.” That would just freak him out. Kaidan was even hesitant to say they were anything more than just friends. It took him this long to get Shepard to even trust him a little, he didn’t need Shepard thinking Kaidan was here trying to chase some old flame. But the way Shepard was staring at him made Kaidan think maybe, just maybe, he may have remembered something, anything. Like Shepard knew exactly what he wanted the answer to be, but it was so far fetched he needed someone else to say it.

But Kaidan wouldn’t. He needed Shepard to trust him and he didn’t think that was a great way to do it. Right now, Shepard needed a friend, someone to watch out from him. The romance shit could wait till they were back in Vancouver, “Not really, no. We were friends, good friends, the best...of ah, friends.”

Shepard looked down, causing his eyelashes to cast long shadows down his cheeks, “You’re a shitty liar.”

“I’m not lie-”

“Shut it, K. I can tell when you’re lying.”

_Damn it!_

Why did he have to be such a crappy liar? Or maybe it was just Shepard. The man could always tell when he was telling a lie and it made birthday surprises a nightmare! Nonetheless, he needed to rectify this situation, “Shepard, it doesn’t matter what we were, right now-”

“But we were something?” Those blue eyes looked back up to him in full force.

“I mean,-”

_Don’t say yes. Don’t say yes. Keep it vague._

“We never labeled it.” It seemed the only time he got away with a lie was when there was a hint of truth, so he recalled back to their first missions on the Normandy SR1. The days of chasing Saren across the galaxy when Kaidan and Shepard kept their distance like good soldiers obeying Alliance fraternization restrictions. When there was something there, just under the skin, that neither of them cared to acknowledge, “We weren’t a thing, just two people facing danger and surviving together. Always on the edge of something more but never crossing into it.” A weird purgatory of if, ands, and buts. One that led to an immeasurable amount of regret when they held Shepard’s memorial service.

There was a pause as Shepard turned his eyes down and seemed to process Kaidan’s words carefully. Meanwhile, Kaidan was sure he just destroyed the feeble bridge he built between them, “But really, Shepard, it doesn’t matter. Right now I’m not-”

“I trust you.”

The soft words stopped Kaidan in his tracks and he looked to Shepard wide-eyed, “What?”

Shepard brought a hand up to his eye and began to softly rub, “I trust you.” Shepard looked immensely exhausted now, like a lifetime of trouble had finally freed him from its grasp. He brought his hand down from his face and wrapped it gently around Kaidan’s forearms. Moving himself further down to the pillows, Shepard nudged his face against Kaidan’s arm and closed his eyes. His steady breaths hit Kaidan’s arms as he drifted off to sleep.

The gesture was so soft, so innocent, Kaidan almost cried. The spitfire teen with a bite as bad as his bark was curled up against his arm peacefully sleeping away. It was nothing he hadn’t seen Shepard do a hundred times before, but this was different. 

With the sounds of Space Odyssey playing numbly in the background Kaidan turned his head and whispered, “No matter what happens, I’m going to protect you, Shepard. I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”

Shepard didn’t reply, he was pulled into sleep by exhaustion. That was fine, Kaidan didn’t need a reply. He knew it was true.

☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, I know this was a really long one. A lot of debate went into cutting it into two chapters but I ended up keeping the whole thing together so I hope it wasn't too much.   
> 3 chapters to go and I'm very excited to get to them!  
> Thanks to everyone leaving comments and kudos. I greatly appreciate the feedback!  
> See you all next Wednesday!


	9. Recurring Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Tali tries to find a way to save the boy, things within the simulation get dire.

Kaidan ended up finishing the movie, though he wasn’t really paying attention to it. He more so spent the time enjoying the warmth pushed against his arm and the sounds of quiet snores neither of them had in their later years. He drifted off to sleep to the feel of Shepard’s fingers gently wrapped around his arm.

Which made his chaotic awakening even more jarring.

“Kaidan! Get up!” Kaidan snapped his eyes open and hated the light that shined in them. He tried blinking the light away as he slowly pulled himself from his deep rest, “Kaidan, get up!” It was then he realized the voice that was filtering into his ears was Shepard’s and it only took a moment to register the panic in his words.

Kaidan threw his body forward till he was sitting straight up. Every hair stood on end as a small spark of his biotics stung his skin while he scanned the room for danger. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust and images slowly became sharp. Next to him, leaning over to face Kaidan, was Shepard whose features slowly came into focus. His bandaged head and tired eyes looked to Kaidan with panic, confusion, even worry. And when Kaidan looked around the room, he figured out why.

He was on a bunk bed in a small dorm with two footlockers and identical desks. He looked down and saw a scratchy blanket and rough mattress. His old sweat pants and slightly too big t-shirt were now replaced with an all too familiar red and black uniform. They were no longer in his childhood home in Vancouver, they were on a space station planets away from Earth.

“No.” Kaidan threw the shitty blanket off his lap and jumped from the bed. Shepard took a step back and watched him wide eyed as he pulled at his uniform and looked around in disbelief, “How did we-” 

“Kaidan, where are we?!” Shepard walked up to him now looking more hostile than worried.

“Shepard, I don’t-”

“How did we get here!? What are you even wearing?!”At this point, Kaidan didn’t think Shepard was really expecting an answer from him as he pushed Kaidan against a wall looking ready to fight. Meanwhile, Kaidan noticed Shepard was still wearing the spare clothes he gave him and couldn’t make sense of their current situation.

_Why did it just bring us here? Why is Shepard even here? He’s not part of Jump Zero, he shouldn’t have been dragged here._

Kaidan was pulled from his thoughts as he felt hands pull his shirt in a tight grip. He looked to see Shepard whose teeth were snarled like a hound, “Answers now, Alenko. Where. Are. We.” Each word was punctuated like a punch and Kaidan was very worried he didn’t have the right thing to say to not turn those verbal punches into real ones.

Luckily, or as lucky as one could get in a reaper simulation, he was saved from answering as a knock came at the door. Kaidan remembered this scene as his eyes flickered to the bathroom door and back to Shepard, “Bathroom, quick.”

Shepard, whose anger was momentarily distracted by the new arrival, looked back at him with confusion, “What?”

Another knock had Kaidan pushing Shepard to the bathroom door without warming, “I’ll explain, just hide.”

Without waiting for a replay, Kaidan pushed Shepard into the bathroom. He heard a small grunt of protest as he quickly shut the door and heard the other open. He turned around to see Dane, maybe Dale, walk into the room. The boy looked at him like Kaidan was in a straight jacket, “You talking to someone, Kaidan?”

“No, there’s no one here.” That didn’t sound believable at all. And Dane, maybe Dale gave him a look that confirmed that.

“Right, well I just came looking for you because you’re running late for roll call. Don’t want to miss out on your rations.”

“Right, thanks. I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.” Dane maybe Dale backed out of the room slowly shutting the door behind him and Kaidan released a big sigh. That was one problem out of the way, now he just needed to confront the one in his bathroom.

He turned to the door and opened it to find Shepard with his arms wrapped tightly around his torso, almost folded in on himself with his fingers clung tightly in the fabric of his clothes. Kaidan felt his heart sink. The sight before him was a crud reminder of just how young and small Shepard was. While Kaidan was confused, he was also familiar with Jump Zero and knew more about the situation than Shepard. Which made him realize just how scared the young man in front of him must be. To suddenly wake up in a weird place with no knowledge of how he got there, no knowledge on how to leave. It was a nightmare scenario and he was probably terrified of what came next. And while this young Shepard has been nothing but strong in the face of danger, right now, with his thin limbs curling around his small form, he looked more like the brittle kid he was. And it was heartbreaking.

Then Shepard turned his eyes towards him and Kaidan decided his arms weren’t wrapped around his body in a scared gesture but more to restrain himself from knocking Kaidan out cold.

Kaidan raised both his hands in front of him as Shepard said nothing with his mouth, but everything with his flaming eyes, “Ok, answers.” Kaidan gave a nod with his head out of the bathroom, “Come on.” Shepard pushed past him and began to pace in the dorm like a caged animal, furry practically burning along his skin. Kaidan watched as the oversized sweatpants pooled at his feet and the old Space Odyssey shirt hung loosely over his arms in a way that diluted Shepard’s intimidation by a fraction, “Where are we, Alenko?!” Just a fraction.

Kaidan took a deep breath. He needed to stay calm if they were going to get out of here, “Jump Zero.” He walked over to his roommate's footlocker. The boy was a year younger than Kaidan and his uniform might actually fit Shepard. He began to pull out a change of clothes while Shepard snapped his head towards him.

“What does that mean? What’s Jump Zero?”

“I told you I went to a military academy for biotics.”

“Ya.”

Kaidan walked over and handed Shepard the uniform, “Welcome to Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training. We call it BAat, brain camp, or hell. We need to get out of here.” Kaidan watched as the immediate hostility fell from Shepard and was replaced by a more serious nature. Maybe it was the way Kaidan said it or maybe it was the rising fear growing in Kaidan that Shepard picked up on, but whatever it was, he grabbed the clothes and began to get dressed. As he did that, Kaidan began to look for some kind of communications device. He needed to get in contact with Tali. If the simulation could just teleport them to hostile environments, then they couldn’t hunker down as Kaidan hoped. So there was no time to waste, they needed to get out of here.

“How did we get here?” He heard Shepard behind him as he looked through drawers knowing there was nothing there. This place practically prided itself on isolation and the only comms he knew of was the one him, Rahna, and Shelby put together last night. But that thing was a piece of shit and likely didn’t even reach Earth like they hoped. His best bet was to leave the way he got out last time. 

“Kaidan.” There was a hand on his shoulder and Kaidan turned from the desk he was fiercely digging through. Shepard had made quick work of the uniform, if not a little untidy with the shirt hanging out. It fit better than his old clothes, but they still hung loosely around the waist and arms, “How did we get here?”

The immediate anger from before seemed to melt away now, leaving confusion and a thin veil of fear. Though Kaidan didn’t have an answer that could elevate the two. He had no idea how to respond. The truth was too wild and no lie could cover this up, so he did the signature half-truth instead, “I don’t know.”

“What?”

“Shepard, I don’t know. One minute I was enjoying a movie in my comfortable bed and then I woke up in a place I never wanted to step foot in again. I don't know how we got here, I don’t know why you’re here, but I do know we need to leave.” And all of that was the truth. Kaidan was getting better at this.

As predicated, Shepard’s fear and confusion didn’t ease, it only seemed to grow, “But, why are we- How did this-” Kaidan watched as Shepard’s mind ran through a million questions, all that had no answer. And he watched as that fear grew. It grew and grew and Kaidan knew from years of experience it had to be squashed before it got too big to carry.

“Shepard, listen to me.” Shining blue iris with pupils dilated wide looked to him like a deer in headlights, “I don’t know what’s going on,-” half truth, “But I am going to get us out of it.” full truth.

He watched as those big eyes stared at him and Kaidan knew, he just knew, behind them was a civil war. A few hours ago Shepard let his guard down around this man he barely knew on some distant instinct and now he stood in an unfamiliar environment with so many unknowns it was practically undiscovered. And right now, he was deciding if what Kaidan said was true or not. If he could believe him, if he should go with him, if he should run. He hadn’t run yet, so some part of him wanted to believe Kaidan. But he hadn’t unclenched his fist either.

Kaidan slowly raised his hands and cupped both sides of Shepard's face like his mother used to do to him when he was upset, “Shepard, do you trust me?” He stood there and watched as the civil war raged on and those icy eyes seemed to shake. His answer would be the armistice. It felt almost like an eternity till Shepard’s head made slow movements up and down, “Say it.” Speak it into existence an old CO of his use to say.

“I trust you.” They were quiet words, but as soon as they left his lip, Shepard unclenched his fist and his tense shoulders went slack. Then, very unexpectedly, Shepard brought his hands up and cupped them over Kaidan’s hands that were still resting calmly on his cheeks. Kaidan felt the warmth of Shepard's skin seeping into his as he held their hands firmly in place. If anyone asked Kaidan if he had blushed at the action, he’d firmly deny it. He was far too old to be blushing like a school kid. But secretly, he may have been a little overwhelmed by the gesture.

He watched as Shepard closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was funny, Kaidan had seen him do this many times before. He saw it before they went into battle, after a heated discussion with the Council, before a big presentation. It was his way of grounding himself, it was his way of staying calm. He brought both their hands down and Kaidan couldn’t help but notice how cold it made his palms. When those eyes looked back to him, his demeanor had changed. He looked more like the commander Kaidan knew, “Okay, K. What do we do?”

Following in his footsteps, Kaidan gave a nod, “I know a way off station. We have to go down past the training hall to the shuttle bay. It’s not too far, we just need to avoid as many people as we can. Just wearing the uniform won’t fool anyone, they’ll know you’re not supposed to be here.” Stowaways are pretty easy to identify on a station out on the edges of the Sol System.

“Okay, I’m right behind you.” 

With that, Kaidan walked over to the door and pushed it open. He gave the hall a quick survey and found it empty. Right now, the bulk of students should be in the main hall for roll call and rations. If they took the back halls they could get to the training wing practically undetected. Once they cleared that, it was a short sprint to the hanger bay.

On deaf feet, they both began to navigate the halls. The feeling was a little too familiar to Kaidan. He’d done it many times before, sneaking out past curfew to spend time with Rahna and some of the other students. Though it’d been many years since then, he remembered exactly what to do.

It wasn’t long before they found themselves exiting the housing wing into the training portion of the base. They passed by the first few training rooms that sat empty waiting for class to begin. There were fewer places to hide here, so Kaidan was relying on the odd hour to get them by without detection.

So the sudden voices that began to echo through the hall made him nearly jump out of his skin. It wasn’t just a voice of two of passing students. It was the voice of a very familiar and unwelcomed turian, “Where is that insubordinate varren?” 

Vyrnnus’s voice echoed off the walls and Kaidan felt Shepard tense beside him. Meanwhile, Kaidan looked ahead in disbelief. A little ways down was the training room where it happened. But it was wrong, it was too early. Right now the students should still be back in the main hall. They weren’t supposed to be here yet.

“You. You’re always with that combatant. Where is he?”

“I-I don’t know, sir.”

Kaidan recognized that voice with its sweet cadence, “Rahna.”

“Lying must be something you humans are particularly bad at. Now, tell me!” Vyrnnus’ sharp words were punctuated by a sharp scream by Rahna that had Kaidan nearly sprinting towards the man on instinct. Every fiber in Kaidan stood on edge as his fight or flight yelled viciously at him to rush in. But this wasn’t real, not really. Her scream was a simulation, his violence a replication, not the real thing. The only real things were him and Shepard and right now they needed to get past this room and get to the hangar bay.

“Kaidan, what was that?” It was Shepard who said it. 

In response, Kaidan grabbed his hand, “Ignore it, we need to move.” Getting to the end of the hall was the only way to the hangar bay, so he just had to hope they could sneak past the training room’s door unnoticed. 

They only got a mear two steps in when a voice came behind them, “Kaidan? Where have you been?” He and Shepard swung around to find Dane, maybe Dale looking at him with pure worry. Worry that only seemed to increase with hints of confusion as he spotted Shepard, “Who’s that?”

It was then that the boy’s attention moved from them to over their shoulders and the boy's body went rigid. Kaidan didn’t have to look behind him to know who was there, “Look who finally decided to join the rest of his cadets. You must think you're something special to be playing hooky on my watch, Alenko.” Vyrnnus’ voice grated like sandpaper and Kaidan felt like live wire. He whipped his head around and glared at the old turian with every ounce of hate he had.

He stood right outside the training room's door in the hall blocking their path to the shuttle bay. A few of the other students dared to peek their heads out looking at Kaidan with horrified expressions. Behind him, Shepard held his hand a little tighter as Kaidan’s mind rapidly remapped and formed new plans of attack.

“Who’s that with you?” Vyrnnus' mandibles twitched in a way Kaidan knew was bad as he began to cover the ground between them.

As the turian approached, Kaidan’s mind was rapidly working. They just needed to get past Vyrnnus, then they could run for the shuttle bay like he did before. He just needed Vyrnnus behind them, “Back off, Vyrnnus!” His outburst had the onlookers give him horrified expressions and it even had Vyrnnus pause in his steps.

“What did you just say to me?”

Kaidan just needed to get past him, he just needed an opening, “I said, back off! Or you'll regret it.”

Vyrnnus glared at him a minute then a dry chuckle bubbled from his throat that filled the quiet hall like a melody at a funeral. Then Vyrnnus’ eye looked back to Kaidan and he knew what was going to happen next, "I'll regret it?"

Vyrnnus charged at him so fast, Kaidan was impressed he managed to pull Shepard to the side fast enough to send out a biotic push that flung the old mercenary away. It wasn’t much, Vyrnnus was too skilled for it to do anything other than knock him slightly off balance. But it was enough to allow Kaidan to pull Shepard and him past the turian and start running down the hall. 

With their back’s to him, Kaidan hoped they could outrun him fast enough to get to their destination. That hope was quickly dashed as Kaidan felt the pull of energy push at his back. Without thought, Kaidan pushed Shepard forward. The boy stumbled on his feet as the full force of Vyrnnus’ biotic hit slammed into Kaidan’s back. 

Suddenly, Kaidan was thrown off his feet sailing through the air. It wasn’t long before his vision bounced as his body collided with the ground. He felt his skin slide across the rough tuff of the training room as scrapes opened along his arm. His head swam as his body slowly came to a stop. 

He didn’t waste a minute though, good soldiers never did. Forcing himself up, Kaidan quickly pulled his body forward and took in his surroundings. Vyrnnus had flung him into the training room where all the other cadets were looking at him stunned. He saw Shelby, still tied to the pole and exhausted, look at him like he was a hanar striper. He even briefly caught Rahna’s eye who’s expression was far too similar to the one he gave her all those years ago after Vyrnnus was dead on the floor. Though it wasn’t quite there, not yet.

“Kaidan!” He looked over to see Shepard. Blue eyes looked at him with worry then looked at Shelby. His face warped into confused horror and Kaidan couldn’t imagine what he must have been thinking at that moment. When their eyes met again, Shepard started to move his feet in his direction, but Kaidan saw Vyrnnus come into view and raise up his hand. Without waiting to see what happened next, Kaidan pulled back his arm and flug a biotic reave straight towards Vyrnnus.

“Shepard, run! Get to the shuttle bay, I’ll find you!” And he would, just like he had before. In a city with foreign streets and stranger’s faces, Kaidan found the only person that mattered. And he would do it again, he just needed Shepard to get somewhere safe. Which was looking unlikely as Kaidan watched Shepard stand in place clearly unsure if he should stay or run. It was almost bitterly ironic, the one time Kaidan encourages Shepard to indulge in the self-preservation the streets had taught him, he hesitates. Hesitates long enough for Vyrnnus to easily dodge the reave attack and quickly cover the gap to Shepard.

And Kaidan watched as Vyrnnus swooped Shepard up with a swing of his arm and held him off his feet. Shepard kicked out violently, clawing at Vyrnnus’s talons, but the old mercenary just sneered.

“Look at this. What kind of vermin have you brought to the station, Alenko?” Another of those dry laughs cracked through the air, “I can’t wait to hear how you got a stowaway on board.”

“Let go of me, you overgrown turkey dinner!” Shepard wheezed out a cry as Vyrnnus tightened his fist around his throat. The turian laughed as Shepard twisted his whole body like a snake trying to break free.

Kaidan was quickly on his feet, “Let him go, Vyrnnus! You’re beef’s with me, not him!” Static was practically pulsing in Kaidan’s mind as his amp buzzed and his heart hammered in his ears. He was beyond fight or flight, beyond simple worry, he was furious. Nearly three decades later and Vyrnnus was still haunting him, still hurting the people he cared about.

“Oh don’t worry, Alenko, I’ll get to you. As soon as I take care of this pest.” That’s when Vyrnnus pulled out the knife. A knife Kaidan’s seen before, but this time it wasn’t directed at him, “Take this as a lesson, Alenko. When you attack an enemy, make sure you kill them the first time or they might come back to haunt you.” Bitterly ironic.

Time slowed down and the only sound to be heard was the pounding of Kaidan’s heart. Or maybe it was the only thing he could hear as he saw the light shine off the polished metal as Vyrnnus pulled his arm back. As he watched the knife start to make its way closer to Shepard, Kaidan realized he didn’t care if history repeated itself. He wasn’t going to let Vyrnnus hurt Shepard. He was going to stop him, no matter what.

With every ounce of force Kaidan’s L2 could generate, he flung himself forward in a biotic charge. He felt his form collide harshly with the turian who was pushed back against the wall of the hall. The collision caused Vyrnnus to drop his blade and Shepard. The latter fell to the floor ungracefully and stumbled back with a rough cough.

Vyrnnus was quick to recover and give a quick retaliation. He rose his fist as a biotic field folded around it. The turian flung the charged fist towards Kaidan, but he was expecting it. Kaidan was quick to raise a barrier, but the force of the punch still managed to knock him off his feet and throw him to the ground.

“Not bad, Alenko. But you’ll have to do better than that.” Vyrnnus retrieved his knife and Kaidan could see the ripples of biotics spark along his skin. 

Not waiting for Kaidan to stand up, Vyrnnus threw a biotic pulse sailing towards him. Kaidan pushed off the floor and rolled away as the blast slammed next to him. He looked up just in time to see another one come flying towards his head. He erected a barrier in time to avoid damage, but the force had him sliding along the floor. 

“What’s the matter kid, bite off more than you can chew?” From his spot on the floor, Kaidan glared at Vyrnnus. Without giving the turian another chance, Kaidan flung a warp as hard as he could towards him. The biotics shimmered and sparked as it collided with Vyrnnus’ barrier till it dissipated to nothing. The only good thing Kaidan’s feeble attack accomplished was giving him time to get back on his feet.

He was barely on them long before he looked up to see Vyrnnus charging at him with his blade out. He momentarily registered the sound of his name being called out before he braced for Vyrnnus collision. The turian came at him with the knife low, but Kaidan smacked it away while dodging the biotic punch Vyrnnus swung towards his head. The two began a familiar tango as they sparred. Each swing Vyrnnus pulled towards Kaidan, he deflected and parried. Though the turian was quick, quicker than he remembered. So quick, Kaidan was too slow to block the blade swinging to his left. 

The polished metal sliced through his bicep in a quick motion. Kaidan flinched just long enough to leave himself open. Vyrnnus pulled back his arm and hit Kaidan with a pulse so strong his eyes crossed as he was flung across the room. He felt his back hit the training room wall and the taste of copper laced his mouth. He hit the floor next and wheezed out a breath as his chest pulsed and his ears rang.

As Kaidan pulled himself to his knees and coughed out rough breaths, he very quickly realized this was not the same Vyrnnus he faced off with years ago. Vyrnnus was a powerful biotic, but this was beyond him. His reflexes, his strength, his speed, this was the simulation. What did Tali call it? Changing variables. It must not have been very happy Kaidan bested the gang and this super strength turian was its revenge.

“So this is where it ends, Alenko. Can’t say I’ll miss you.” Through blurry eyes, Kaidan watched as the watery figure of Vyrnnus stalked closer to him. 

Kaidan’s arms shook as he pulled himself up. He’s been through too much to die to a memory of a man he’d already killed. As he pulled his biotics around him, Vyrnnus' approach was suddenly stopped when a block soared through the air and clocked Vyrnnus in the head. Kaidan and Vyrnnus both turned to look at its origins.

“Get away from him you alien fuck!” Shepard wound his arm back and threw another of the blocks Vyrnnus had set up in the training room for their punishment. It flew through the air straight at Vyrnnus’ head, but this time the man simply sidestepped it. Though Shepard didn’t look discouraged as he bent down to grab another. 

A growl seeped from Vyrnnus’ as his hand began to glow. Kaidan quickly tried to take action before the man could finish his move, but this Vyrnnus was too fast. He flung his arms back and a biotic blast rushed toward Shepard. The other saw it but wasn’t fast enough to move. He was only able to throw his arms up in a desperate attempt to protect himself. It did little good as Shepard was flung onto his back with a scream.

Or maybe it was Kaidan’s scream that echoed through the training room. He didn’t have time to process it as his body seemed to move on its own and it threw itself forward onto Vyrnnus. The old turian didn’t seem to expect him to be so reckless as Kaidan pulled back his arm and slammed the man with a biotic punch as hard as he could muster. Vyrnnus managed to put up a barrier in time to stop it, but he stumbled on his feet. He stumbled on his feet long enough for Kaidan to warp his biotics around the turian and slam him square in the chest.

There was a cracking sound, but this time it wasn't Rahna’s arm. A small trail of blue blood trickled from the corner of the turian’s mouth as Vyrnnus coughed out a ragged breath but somehow kept his footing. With harsh movements of malice, Vyrnnus quickly pulled his arm back for another attack. Kaidan raised his hand with a barrier that stopped Vyrnnus’ attack cold. And as he stood there standing face to face with the turian, he could see the fire that burned in his eyes. At that moment, he knew there was only one way to end this fight. 

Vyrnnus reared back for another blow and Kaidan could feel the boiling power of it. Vyrnnus wasn’t going to hold back on this one, so neither would Kaidan. Before his old teacher could move forward with his attack, Kaidan raised his fist and felt the static energy pull around it. In the blink of an eye, Kaidan’s fist slammed strategically into the center of Vyrnnus’ chest where he knew the turain plates were fragile. He watched as the turian’s eyes went wide and the bones beneath Kaidan’s knuckles cracked. Vyrnnus’ body was pushed back violently and lay motionless on the ground.

Everything went still. The buzzing in Kaidan’s head sizzled and cracked. His amp pulsed sharply as his eyes lingered on the body of a man he thought already dead years ago. Blue blood trickled gruesomely from the burn wound on Vyrnnus' chest which was only a little more disturbing than the snapped neck he witnessed years before. Funny how history repeats itself with the same themes but more gory details each time.

“Kaidan,” The voice was soft. A sweet voice of a nice girl. He didn’t want to look at her, he knew what he would see. Just like he knew right now all the other students were staring at him with looks of horror and shock. He didn’t want to see it on her. He didn’t want to look at her. But he did. Maybe it was because he felt like he had to. If he was going to relive this moment, then he should do it to completion. Or maybe it was more like sick curiosity. Like the same way you watch the car accident unfold even though you know it'll end bed. When his eyes met hers, that's when he saw it, that look. It was more than disappointment, it was fear, “Kaidan, what have you done?”

That was the question that would haunt Kaidan’s dreams for years to come. Hearing it again, like this, in something more than a dream, it almost made him laugh. Maybe this was the way it was always supposed to go. Kaidan was always destined to kill this man in one way or another. He couldn’t escape that. Or maybe it was that he didn’t really try to avoid it. It didn’t really matter now, he was dead, again, and it was Kaidan’s fault, again.

“What the hell are you talking about!?” The sharp snap of Shepard’s voice pulled Kaidan from his thoughts. He looked to the smaller man who was on his feet once more like he wasn't just hit with a biotic blast moments ago. There was fire burning in his blue irises. A cold wash of relief flooded Kaidan in a way that made him forget about what just transpired. He looked okay, pissed off, but alive and no more hurt than before. He had a finger pointed at Rahna with his brows pulled harshly down, “He fucking fought back is what he did! Unlike you! All of you!” He turned his sharp eyes to the rest of the students who still refused to move.

Meanwhile, Shepard looked almost triumphant. Their attacker lay dead and they lived to see another day. Kaidan supposed that was all Shepard was ever after in his early years. Rahna on the other hand, looked horrified, “What are you- He- I think...I think he killed-” She choked out the statement and it still pulled heavy on his heart.

“ _Good!_ In case you hadn’t realize, that bird fuck had it coming!”

“Shepard.” Kaidan stepped over to try and calm him down.

“And what about your friend over there!” Shepard gestured to Shelby who was now being helped out of his restraints by some students, “I don’t know who that thing is but I think it’s clear it didn’t exactly give a shit if any of you died!”

“Shepard.” He placed his hand on the other's shoulder, “It’s alright.”

Shepard’s eyes looked to him with nothing but familiar defiance, “No, it’s not! Look at them!” He gestured harshly to the crowd of stunned students, “They don’t get it! He hurt you, he had to die! And them, they don’t get it.” Shepard got quiet as his finger grazed the cut on Kaidan’s forearm, “They don’t understand.”

_They don’t understand what it means to kill to survive._

But Kaidan did. Maybe not back when he was at BAat, but later in life when it’s you or the enemy. It was a harsh lesson to learn and Kaidan couldn't help but wonder just how young Shepard was when he learned it.

“I know.” They didn’t understand, but Shepard did. He knew what it meant to survive, and surviving is what they needed to do right now. Kaidan squeezed his shoulders, “Come on, we need to go.”

With a nod of his head, Shepard grabbed Kaidan’s hand and they were off. Down the halls of Jump Zero, Kaidan navigated them at a light job towards the shuttle bay, “Did you get hurt?” He asked Shepard as they made their way to the exit of the training wing.

“No. What about you? You know, besides the arm.”

He had a pounding in his head and his chest pulsed with a thin veil of pain. But he would fight through it, “I’m fine. Nothing a little medagel can’t fix.”

After a short time, they turned down the long hallway that led to the shuttle bay. As they jogged, he suddenly felt the tug of his hand from Shepard. He looked behind him to see the other stopped in front of one of the large windows looking out into space. His eyes reflected back the dots of light while his mouth was slightly opened in a silent gasp. Shepard stared at the vast sea of start for what was a probability the first time in his memory. He looked so amazed, so memorized by the vasty beauty of space. He was millions of light years away form home and Shepard looked astonished.

“Where are we?” His voice was winded, but Kaidan didn’t think it was from running.

“Gagarin Station, known as Jump Zero.” 

“We’re in space?” Kind of. They were in a simulation that was on a ship that was floating in space. So it wasn’t completely wrong.

There was a rushed announcement over the intercoms Kaidan didn't bother listening to, “Come on, we need to keep moving.” As much as he loved to see such a mystical look in his eyes, it wouldn't be long till someone came looking for them. He pulled at Shepard’s hand but the other didn’t move, “Shepard-”

“Do we have to go back?”

Kaidan froze, “What?”

“You’re trying to get us back to the city, right? But...I mean..." There was a pause as he looked to the vast horizen with all of its unknown promise, "We’re in space, doesn’t that mean we can go anywhere? We don’t have to go back.” His blue eyes finally looked at him, “You can take me somewhere else?”

_Oh, Shepard._

It didn’t work like that. Kaidan couldn’t suddenly change the simulation to take them to Morocco or Hawaii or any other place with a nice view. Hell, he didn’t even know how he got back here at Jump Zero. All he could hope to do was chase one danger away with another.

Another danger such as the sound of pounding feet down the hall. Kaidan and Shepard’s heads whipped around at the sound of boots hitting metal behind them. At the base of the hallway where they entered, several uniformed personnel came into view, but they weren’t BAat uniforms.

“There they are, get them!” The Cerberus troops started making a beeline for them with their weapons raised.

“RUN!” Without waiting for a response, the two of them began sprinting down the length of the hallway. Kaidan was wondering when Cerberus would rear their ugly heads again. Though he'd admint, he wasn't expecting them here of all places. He erected a barrier over the both of them as bullets began to fly. The guns rang out causing shots to ricochet off metal walls leaving skid marks on the ground. Every now and then a shot would hit their barriers nearly pushing them off their feet. Kaidan knew the barriers would stop the shots from penetrating their bodies, but there’d be a wicked bruise later.

As they approached the shuttle bay's control room door, the Cerberus troops yelled after them. Kaidan quickly hit the enter key and waited happily for their escape to open like last time. As the door took its sweet time, Kaidan sent a shock wave down the hall that only distracted the approaching hoard a moment. When the door slid back, he pulled Shepard through without waiting. Though he didn’t find what he was hoping to.

“Shit!” It was just the control room, not the exits to the city like last time.

“What?” Shepard eyed their attackers as they got close, “What do we do now?” Good question, back to his original plan. Kaidan locked the door behind them and sat down at the control panel. He began accessing the flight controls to one of the shuttles. Then there was a loud banging at the door and Shepard jumped, “The hell! Isn’t that the Cerberus logo you were talking about from early? Are those guys with them?”

“Yep.”

“What the hell, I thought you said they were a terrorist group. What are they doing on an Alliance station in the middle of space?”

Another good question. If Kaidan had to guess the simulation wasn’t happy he killed Vyrnnus so it was ramping things up. Why did they show up at Jump Zero? Probability because the simulation is half broken. A light on the console flashed green and Kaidan got up. Another harsh pounding at the door had him pulling Shepard’s arm in the direction of another door on the far side of the room, “We need to get on the shuttle.”

“You know how to fly one of those things?”

“Yes.” Not as well as Cortez but definitely better than Vega. They walked through the room and quickly made their way down a metal staircase to the bay where their shuttle sat. As they descended, the Cerberus troops busted through their locked door and quickly ran after them. 

They dodged bullets as Kaidan ran over to the shuttle and opened the hatch. He ushered Shepard inside and followed quickly behind as the troops closed in around them. Kaidan locked that door and went right for the pilot seat. The loud sounds of banging echoed behind them.

“K, they're trying to get it.” Another loud bang rocked the shuttle to punctuate Shepard’s words.

“It’s fine. Strap in.” Shepard came over to the co-pilot seat and buckled up. Kaidan hit the button for the shuttle door to open as the engine revved to life. The vehicle gave the familiar bump as the mass effect field rose it a foot off the ground and the digital screen came to life showing the images outside. Another bang shook the shuttle. Kaidan didn’t care, he just needed the shuttle door to open and then this whole place would get vented and these fucks would get spaced. 

At least that was the plan. It didn’t quite work. Blaring red lights began to shine signaling the opening of the hatch. The Cerberus troops seemed to figure out what that meant pretty quickly because, as the door began to open, they only stumbled a minute as they activated their mag boots.

As the room decompressed into the void of space, Kaidan watched the monitors as the Cerberus troops braced against the ground with little problem. Then he saw the engineer with his portable turret strapped to his back. He hated those guys the most. A hate that increased tenfold as he watched them place said turret on the ground and the machine began to deploy.

Kaidan quickly brought up the kinetic barriers of the shuttle. This thing was meant for basic transportation around the station or to rendezvous with other vessels, not combat. Its shields were meant to deflect debris and withstand atmospheric entry, not bullets. So when the turret began firing on their shuttle, the barriers quickly began to fail and warning lights in the shuttle began to flash red.

“Kaidan, what’s happening!?” Shepard’s hands were clenched on his seat as he braced against the shaking of the shuttle.

“Hold on!” He hit the ignition and felt the shuttle lunged forward. The shocked screams of Cerberus followed as their shuttle launched forward out from the hanger. 

“Kaidan!” He looked over to Shepard whose eyes were now trained on a monitor showing the rear of the shuttle. On it, Kaidan saw an Atlas mech come into view. It raised its rocket launcher in their direction.

“Shit!” Kaidan pulled the shuttle to the side, but he wasn’t Cortez. In a flash, a large blast hit the rear of the shuttle and every light began to flash. The shuttle stuttered and bounced as the interior was bathed in red flashes. The digital screen cut out to black and flashed white as it tried to bring up warming messages neither of them could read as their shuttle violently fumbled through space.

Fighting the force of the spinning shuttle, Kaidan reached out and touched the control panel to regain control. He routed auxiliary power to the engines to steady the shuttle, which seemed to slowly level it. As the shuttle slowly straightened out, he cut power to nonessential functions and tried to bring up a damage report. If they had a breach in the hull then they might as well start saying their goodbyes.

As the lights slowly came back on, he looked to Shepard who had braced his hands firmly on the control console. The warming lights shined off his skin casting him in reds and oranges like they were in a sleazy bar on Omega. Then his eyes grew big as he stared at the digital window and he threw a hand at Kaidan, “Look out!”

Kaidan looked up to see what he was talking about. A building. They were flying straight towards a brick building.

As quick as he could, Kaidan pulled the shuttle high as the tail end scraped against the roof. It jostled them hard as they shook and rocked. As they settled once more, they looked onto the scene before them.

“What the hell…..I thought….I thought we were in space?” Shepard was almost speechless as was Kaidan. It was no longer the empty void outside Jump Zero they looked at, but a run down neon city bathed in late evening light, “How? How is any of this happening?” The confusion on Shepard’s face was boarding on horror. What a nightmare he must think he’s living right now.

Kaidan drove high to avoid the pedestrians below and was careful to avoid the buildings. They had made it back to the city, he didn’t know how, but they did it. The shuttle’s damage report flashed on the scene and Kaidan saw the kinetic barriers did their job and managed to stop the missile attack, but it blew the amp. They couldn’t take another hit like that and expect to keep flying. So Kaidan flew the shuttle slowly as he tried to formulate a plan.

“What the hells going on?” Kaidan looked over to Shepard expecting to see the boy staring at him for an answer he didn’t have. But this time, Shepard wasn’t looking at him. He was looking out the digital window at the city below. And that’s when Kaidan saw it.

He didn't notice it immediately. The city was already falling apart at the seams, it was hard to tell the preexisting destruction from the new. But it was new, new broken buildings smoking with fire and shattered concrete blocking roads. Large chunks of buildings collapse onto one another like a careless hand knocked them down. Broken water pipes and swerve lines seeped into cracks in the roads, fires burned along the rubble of buildings, car alarms, and sirens could just faintly be heard howling through the streets. It was a scene Kaidan’s seen too many times before. It looked like war.

Perhaps that should have been all the warming Kaidan needed to fully understand what was happening. But it wasn’t. He didn’t really get what was going on until a large shadow covered their small shuttle and blocked out the evening’s feeble light. Its large metal plates shone back the fires of the city as its spiny legs crashed into the buildings below. Kaidan felt sick as its shutters pulled back and a red light began to glow. It released a deafening cry that shook every surface and made Kaidan want to scream.

_No! No, not again!_

The Reapers' red beam sliced mercilessly through the rubble city and, with shaking hands, Kaidan pulled their shuttle forward. As fast as the little transport vessel could go. And for a moment, his eyes found Shepard’s face. The boy’s hands were clenched so tight his nails cut into his palms as his eyes locked onto the monster that tore through buildings like they were tissue paper. Those big blue eyes reflected back fire and destruction and Kaidan hated that it wasn’t the first time he saw it. He hated even more the palpable fear that wrapped tight around him. Kaidan didn’t think Shepard even knew why he was scared, not really. There was fear to be had when you watched the place you grew up in crumble beneath a colossal force. But this fear was deeper than that. An ingrained animalistic fear forged through three years of devastating battle and incalculable loss. Shepard wasn’t scared because they were under attack, he was scared because some part of him, no matter how hard any tech or psyche may try, could never forget the sound of a Reaper.

Another cry, less mechanical, more organic, shrieked next to them. It was then that Kaidan saw the large flap of a wing and a Harvester flew beside them. The enormous creature gave a defining cry and a flap of its mutated wings that sent it high about their transport. Its glowing eyes looked down on them like a spotlight as it opened fire. The shots blasted their shuttle and tore right through the engines. The mangled shuttle gave a twisted cry and, suddenly, they were falling.

☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! We now have 2 chapters left and the next one is probably the one I'm most excited to get out to all of you!  
> Thanks so much to everyone leaving kudos and comments! It's been great hearing all your feedback!  
> See you all next Wednesday <3


	10. Priority: Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and Shepard have found themselves within their worst nightmare yet. They can only hope Tali has found their escape before the monsters of their past finshed the job they started 5 years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References to the extended cut DLC. Specificly when the Normandy flies in and picks up wounded troop on the final push and Shepard says goodbye to their romance as the Normandy takes them away.

The muffled sound of a voice far off could almost be heard above the ringing in his ears. With all the strength he could muster, Kaidan slowly opened his eyes. It was a slow process. The images before him were abstract paintings only made up of blurred colors and undefined shapes. But as his eyes adjusted he could start making out flashing lights and sparking wires. The cockpit of the shuttle slowly became clear. The windshield was shattered revealing the burning city outside. Lights flickered sadly as the controls beeped and sparked. His shoulder was jostled lightly. The dull sound from before tried to break through his muffled hearing once more.

With great effort, Kaidan took a deep breath and willed himself to focus.

“K…..an” The sounds became more clear as his shock subsided, “Kaidan.” The voice was soft but worried. He swung his head to the source and saw Shepard with one hand on his shoulder gently nudging it, “Kaidan, you’re alive.”

Yes, they both were. He managed to cover them both with a barrier just as the shuttle slid recklessly to the asphalt. They were lucky they weren’t too high up or the barrier may not have been able to save them.

Kaidan slowly began to move his limbs and try to untangle himself from the pilot seat. A sharp pain spiked over his left eye and he raised his hand to it, “Kaidan!” Again, Shepard’s voice hit his ears and he felt that hand hold on tight. As the pain subsided he pulled his hand away and saw blood.

_Great, a head injury._

He looked to Shepard who already freed himself from his seat’s harness. His face had a few cuts where shattered glass peppered them. “Are you all right?” Kaidan’s voice came out rough, but Shepard gave a nod. Nonetheless, Kaidan quickly looked him over from his seat. That’s when he realized Shapard was no longer wearing the BAat uniform, “Shepard, look.” His hand reached over as he grazed the old denim of the too thin jacket.

Shepard followed his hand’s movement. His eyes fell onto the old clothing and his expression warped to one of almost horror. He began to pull at the fabric like it was a hologram.

“What! How-” A sharp intake cut Shepard off as he brought a hand to his side and doubled over. 

Kaidan reacted instantly. Finally pulling himself up and out of the seat’s straps, he leaned closer to Shepard, “Hey, tell me what’s wrong?” Kaidan moved Shepard’s hands away as he inspected his torso. He had a large shard of glass sticking from his side, though it didn’t look fatal, just extremely painful. Placing Shepard’s hands on his shoulders, Kaidan placed one hand to brace the wound and the other went to the glass, “This is going to hurt, are you ready?” Shepard gave a nod and Kaidan pulled the glass out. A sharp hiss escaped the other man’s lips as hands clenched tight on his shoulders. Kaidan gave the wound a quick look. It was going to be painful getting around with a cut in his side, but there was little they could do about it now.

When Kaidan looked back up, he saw Shepard staring at him, but there was something new in his expression. This look was different from all the other times he looked to him for answers or with confusion. This time, Shepard looked vulnerable, “Is this a dream?” His words were quiet like he secretly didn’t want to know the answer. And before Kaidan could replay, the deafening scream of a reaper bellowed around them. They both looked out past the shattered windshield of the wreaked shuttle to see the rising smoke and ash of the city. Reaper silhouettes decorated the background.

As the cry subsided, Kaidan looked back over to Shepard who tentatively looked at him, “What do your instincts tell you? Is this a dream?”

There was no answer Kaidan could give to protect him from the nightmare around them. So the answer had to come from him.

Slowly, Shepard shook his head, “No. This is something else. I-I don’t know what,” he looked out over the crumbling city, “but we’re not safe here.”

_Your instincts are as sharp as ever._

With that Kaidan stood up. He wiped away the blood from above his eyes and reached a hand down, “Can you get up?”

Grabbing his hand tightly, Shepard pulled himself up. He gave a pained wince and brought his hand to his side. Kaidan went to lend a hand, but Shepard brushed him off, “I’m fine, let's just go.”

They both carefully navigated their way out of the shuttle’s carcass. Right as they stepped foot on asphalt, a gargled scream turned their attention to the far side of the road. From out of the alley a group of husk stumbled out. It took the creatures only a second to spot them and begin their clumsy run towards them.

“Crap!”

“What are those things?”

Kaidan didn’t give Shepard an answer as he grabbed his hand, “No time, run!” They began to head in the opposite direction of the husk but stopped as they spotted a group of encroaching cannibals in the distance. Their mutated bodies marched towards them in unaware bliss. Unaware bliss until one looked over and made eye contact with Kaidan. It released a hideous scream alerting its friends of their presence. As they raised their fleshy guns, Kaidan pulled them down another street and they ran.

They both pumped their legs as fast as they could with the sound of husk screams following behind. Through the smoking and crumbling buildings, Kaidan spotted other reaper ground troops. Banshees howled, marauder hunkered down in high places, while brutes stocked the streets. All while their own little horde followed close behind.

Kaidan was looking for any place they could stop and hide when Shepard huffed out, “Wait, I know where we are.” He saw the other look around as his hand clung to his side, “This is,” big breath in, “Coster St. Follow me.” Shepard grabbed his hand and they both put on another burst of speed. Through winding streets and back allies, Shepard navigated them left and right.

As they ran, a static sound reached Kaidan’s ears. He looked down to see the all too familiar video invite flashing on his omni tool. He hit the accept button like so many times before, “TALI! Can you hear me!?” The static got louder as they took a sharp turn, "Tali, please! Tell me you’re there!”

“...an!......ght he….” Her distorted voice slowly came through and Kaidan could scream with joy as they suddenly stopped.

He looked up and saw they were at the abandoned building Shepard called home. 

“Tali, do you read? Come in, Tali!” Kaidan practically screamed at his omni tool as Shepard busted in the wood slab covering the window. He jumped inside.

“Hurry up, K! Get in!” He followed close behind and heard more staticky voices come through.

“Kaidan! I can….er...you! Please, report!” Shepard threw the board back into place and they both ran up the stairs.

“Tali, I hear you!”

“Kaidan! Are you both alright!?” She sounded worried, borderline terrified. He’d guessed their heart rates haven’t claimed down a second since they woke up at BAat.

“We’re…...hanging in there. Both alive.” Kaidan watched as Shepard ran to the wooden crate by the wall and moved it to reveal the hole. Blood stained his denim jacket once more. Meanwhile, he was practically wheezing for breath.

“Kaidan, what’s happened?”

“I said we were somewhere safe and then we suddenly weren’t." Heavy breaths passed his lips, "Tali, you have to get us out of here now! The city is crawling with reaper troops! It looks like London all over again and we’re not even armed. I’m in BAat cadet uniform and Shepherd's wearing a denim jacket that can’t even protect against the cold! Tell me you found a way out.” Shepard retrieved his ammo case and opened it. From inside he retrieved his balisong knife.

“We have.” A sweet wave of relief filled Kaidan as he walked over to the window where the Alliance poster still shone proudly across the street. He listened to her as he watched the reaper troops patrol the street below, “By flooding the defense code with junk coding, we’ve been able to slip in and create an exit point that will bypass the kill code and still end the simulation. That’s probably why things have escalated so far. Too much tampering.”

“But it worked, you figured out a way for us to get out. So do it!” 

“There’s a catch.”

“There’s always a catch.” Kaidan sighed, “What is it?”

“You need to get to it.”

“What?”

“The simulation works off the subject interacting with the environment. That’s what triggers the end sequence. The bullet has to hit the subject’s head in order for the simulation to end. You have to interact with our signal to trigger the end sequence.”

“Got it. Just tell me where to go.”

“Well-”

“What?”

“We don’t know where it’s going to be.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Sorry! Trying to bring it directly to you guys could alert the defense program of its presence. Introducing it into the simulation’s code and having it decide the location is the fastest way to avoid that. You’ll have to find it.” 

Kaidan wanted to scream, how was he supposed to find something like that in this maze of a city!? He released a heavy grunt, “Ok! What am I looking for?”

“I don’t know.”

“Tali!”

“The signal we created is just a line of code!” There was a flash of light, “The simulation creates things from your mind.” Kaidan looked out the window at the source of the blue and white glow, “Therefore your mind will interpret the exit code, but we don't know what that will look like. It could be a door, or a hatch, or a-”

“I found it.”

“What?”

Kaidan stared wide-eyed at the shining light of the conduit. Its shining beam rose high in the sky and the peaks of its metal spikes could be seen above the buildings. It was just as Kaidan remembered it, daunting, unknown, terrifying. And he knew it was their way out. He knew they had to reach it.

A cold chill ran down his spine.

_History repeats itself._

But did it count if he was in a simulation doing it and it wasn’t really happening again? He didn’t care, because it felt real to him and his hands felt numb as he looked down at the hoards of reaper troops standing between the city's high buildings and lurking in the shadows. He could only imagine how many were standing between them and the conduit.

A figure walked up beside him, “What is that thing?” Shepard stared at the almost holy light shining up to the heavens. The blue of his eyes was washed out by the light's harsh glare.

_No, not again. We were never supposed to do this again. You were never supposed to do this again._

Kaidan looked onto the youthful face of a boy who would grow up to endure and sacrifice more for the galaxy than any soul in it. And why? The galaxy never gave him any reason to save it. This young man had fought his entire life. From the streets to the battlefield, his entire existence has always been trouble and tribulation. He was the boy with no reason to save the galaxy, yet he did it. 

But when does the fighting end? When does the hero finally get to rest and not face a day of hardship? That’s all Kaidan’s ever wanted for Shepard. For him to live out the rest of his life not having to fight every war. Not having to die at the hands of a cruel galaxy.

And as Kaidan stared out onto the sea of foes that were supposed to have met their permanent demise, it felt like an insult. Dying in a reaper simulation years after Shepard defied every odd and beat them. What a sick joke.

But Kaidan wasn’t going to let that happen. A shining hope popped into this head, “Tali, you said this machine was built for one.”

“We think so, why?”

“And you said a confirmed kill would fry the subject and end the simulation.”

“Yes, the kill sequence ends th-”

“What would happen if only one of us died?”

“What!?”

“You said it’s running one simulation for the both of us, so the end code must be the same. Therefore, only one of us has to activate the end sequence to end all of this, not both of us.”

“Uh, yes that’s sound right, but-”

“When Shepard was in danger you said his vitals spiked, but I was fine. I didn’t spike until I was put in danger. So that means the machine recognizes us as two subjects even though we’re stuck in one simulation. We’re running off of two different neural networks. So if I interact with a fatal trigger, the program will likely only interact with my network, leaving Shepard untouched, but still shutting the program down. Does that sound right?”

“Kaidan, you can’t really be suggesting-”

“Tali, does that sound right?” 

There was a long pause, “The program is recording two different processes with independent vitals...Yes, that sounds accurate, but Kaidan that is not an option! You both need to make it out of there alive! Do you hear me!?”

She sounded mad at him, “Okay, so we have two options. I either get to your exit point alive and end the simulation. Or-”

“Kaidan, no! You-”

“Or I die getting to it, which will also end this.”

“Kaidan! I said that’s not an optio-'' He turned the coms off. Whether he walked out of this simulation alive or brain dead, he didn’t care, as long as Shepard made it. He turned to him.

He was looking at him wearily, “Kaidan, what was that all abou-”

“Listen to me.” Kaidan cupped his cheeks as he did back at BAat. Maybe it was his attempt at keeping Shepard calm or maybe it was his attempt at staying calm, “I’m going to leave and you’re going to stay here and hide-”

“What!? No!” Shepard’s eyes grew big and his hands went to Kaidan’s wrist.

“Please, just listen.” Shepard stilled under his touch, but looked no less happy, “I know a way to end this, but I need to leave. So stay here or run away, it doesn’t matter, just stay safe until this is all over, okay?”

“But-” Shepard’s eyes shook as he fumbled his words, “Am I- am I gonna see you again? Where are you going?” Kaidan’s eyes darted to the shining beaming bathing their space in light. Shepard followed his gaze and his face went pale, “No! You’re going out there? With all those monsters?! You’re gonna get killed!”

Kaidan knew that was probably more likely than him reaching the conduit, but he didn’t care, “I have to go.” There was no time to waste. Who knew how long before the defense code figured out what they were doing. Kaidan took a deep breath and brought his forehead down to Shepard's. The sounds of the burning city faded away as he solely focused on this moment. He paid close attention to the warmth beneath his palms and the shining eyes he'd become so accustomed to. If this was his last memory of Shepard, he wanted to hold it close. He took a deep breath, “Stay safe, John.” And Kaidan pulled away towards the staircase.

“No!” A hand grabbed onto his and held him back. He looked behind him to see Shepard madly gripping his hand with his, “No! Kaidan you can’t go out there!”

“Let go, I have to.” Kaidan pulled at his hand uselessly.

“No, you don’t!”

“John-”

“Kaidan, please!” Kaidan looked up to see large tears running down Shepard’s cheeks as the white light shined behind him, “Kaidan, please please don’t leave.”

Kaidan’s heart felt like it was tearing in two, “John, I-”

“Please, Kaidan! We’ll leave, we’ll run away, we’ll hide, I don’t care! Just please don’t go out there! You’ll die.” Kaidan saw red rim his eyes as the tears flowed harshly down. He choked out small sobs and hiccups as he stumbled out his words, finger digging desperately into Kaidan’s flesh as the accumulated fear that had been slowly growing finally broke free, “I don't know what’s happening, I don’t know what that is, but I know you’ll die. I just know it. Please-” A harsh sob choked his words, “Please, you’re the only good thing that’s ever happened to me in this shit city. Just- Please! Don’t leave me behind!”

A punch hit Kaidan square in the heart.

_Oh Shepard, is that what I looked like when you left me behind?_

It was almost amazing to think of how much of himself he saw in this version of Shepard. Once when there was nothing but mistrust and uncertainty. Now with unabashed desperation. If Kaidan hadn’t been a well-seasoned soldier too used to the loss and death, would he have cried like that too? When Shepard dragged him onto the Normandy and walked off to the unknown, would he have cried like a child about to lose the one friend he’d had in a world out to kill him?

Years ago, the man he loved turned his back on him with the hopes to save the galaxy, to save him. That was who Shepard was, always saving others. But not this time. This time, it was Kaidan’s turn to return the favor. 

_You’ve done enough protecting, John. Let me protect you for once._

He twisted his hand to laced his finger into Shepard’s and turned to him with a sweet smile. A bittersweet taste filled his mouth, “No matter what happens, ” Kaidan rested the fingers of his free hand tenderly against Shepard’s damp cheek and leaned forward. He softly placed a kiss on his forehead and pulled back, “know that I love you.” He saw tears streak down round cheeks as he echoed the words Shepard had told him years ago. He gave their intertwined hands one last squeeze, then turned around and bolted out the door.

“Kaidan!” He heard his name screamed behind him as he flew down the steps. He flung the wooden cover away and jumped through the window. He didn’t bother replacing it, everything would be over soon. Kaidan ran towards the street that led to the conduit.

He ran down shadowed allies and between brick buildings until he emerged onto a large street bathed white in harsh light. About 500 yards down the conduit stood solemn and imposing. And in between him and the conduit was a plethora of reaper troops, smashed concrete, and hostile gunfire. With one last breath in, Kaidan rose his biotics around him and ran.

He sprinted forward towards his destination like his heels were on fire. A group of husks turned their gnarled heads towards him and gave a screech. They ran at him in their disjointed manner with claws out. Kaidan swung his arm back and pulled the energy around him to his hand. With a fluid motion, he slammed it to the ground. Biotic energy rippled along the city floor flinging each husk clear from his path. He didn’t wait to see what happened to them, he kept running.

The commotion of the husk caused some ground troops, made up of cannibals and marauders, to look his way. They took cover and raised their guns. Kaidan flung his biotics at them and pulled two cannibals from their hiding place. He slammed them back to Earth as a marauder took a shot at him. Kaidan threw himself to the side and took cover behind a half-broken slab of concrete, just narrowly avoiding the shot.

As he peeked his head out to survey the hostels, a static began to grow over his omni tool. He looked down and saw the invite to a video message. He hit accept, “Tali, right now’s not a great time.”

“.....ar…..nko…..ma.” The static cut in and out as a cannibal reared its ugly head over his concrete protection. Kaidan met the cannibal's head with a biotic punch that sent it flying backwards, “Ma..or Alenko... do ..u read?”

The mechanical voice coming from the other end wasn’t Tali’s, “Lemma? Is that you?” 

Bullets pounded away at his cover as the static cleared up, “Major Alanko, do you copy?”

A husk ran towards Kaidan as he flung a warp at his shooters. He turned and threw a pull that sent the husk flying. He watched as it floated away, “Ya I copy, what do you- Shit!” Kaidan rolled out of the way as a blast hit his spot of protection and blew it to smithereens. He quickly slid to another spot with cover as he watched the ravager come into view.

“Major Alenko, the geth have created a counter code to hinder the progress of the simulation.”

“What does that mean?!” The shrinking of an approaching banshee echoed above the sounds of gunfire as Kaidan stood up to fling another warp at his opponents.

“We have found a way to lend a hand in getting you to your destination.” A well-placed shot tore through Kaidan’s barrier and pushed him to the ground as a familiar sound echoed in the air.

Kaidan looked over to see a convoy of Alliance shuttles flying in. Their hatches opened and Alliance troops spilled out, “Delta team, you’re go! Move! Move! Move!” The echoes of boots hitting road sounded like a heavenly crescendo as soldiers filled the space around him. He watched as they raised their weapons and fired onto the reaper hoards.

“You called in the Alliance?!” He watched as the reaper troops began to fall. He heard the rev of an engine and looked behind him to see two Makos toppling over city ruins to reach the fight.

His heart soared as he got his second wind and resumed his path to the conduit. Lemma’s voice echoed next to him, “Unknown. We have simply introduced a counter code into the simulation’s processor while the defense code is overwhelmed. We are unable to choose how your mind interprets our countermeasure.”

Kaidan didn’t care about the finer details, he was just happy to be running along the ground with an army at his side, “I owe you one!” The call cut out as he saw more ally troops emerge from allies in front of him and fill in the spaces. The bodies of Alliance troops and reaper mutants began to fall in equal measure. All around him the battle raged on while he fought to get closer to the light.

He was about 300 meters away now, so closer, when a brute suddenly charged from the shadows of an ally. It beelined for him and came mere inches from ripping into him. But Kaidan was fast and managed to veer off its path far enough to only be harshly knocked to the ground instead of trampled. He felt the debris of the street scrap at his clothes as he slid along the asphalt. Then the sound of a Mako’s cannon blasted through the air causing Kaidan’s ears to ring. From his prone position, he saw the brute fly off its path into chunks. As chunks of charred brute flew in the air, Kaidan felt nothing but relief.

That momentary relief of rescue, however, was suddenly dashed as he sat up and found himself face to face with a marauder. Its glowing eyes stared at him uncaring as the end of its gun rested directly at his head. Kaidan felt his heart pound as the sounds around him died away to nothing.

_Shit, so this is it?_

Dying in a reaper simulation reliving the hardest fight he’d ever fought. But it was something more than that. It was dying in a reaper simulation protecting the man he loves. There was a part of him that liked that idea. The old soldier inside who would go into every battle knowing full well he may not walk out. If he was going to die, then let it be for a good cause.

As he saw the marauder begin to pull its trigger finger back, he felt a bitter smile pull at his lips.

_There are worse ways to die._

That was his final thought as a shadow appeared behind the marauder. The blur wrapped itself around the marauder’s back causing it to stumble and pull its firearm away. Its shot fired wide, missing Kaidan completely. Then the light caught a thin blade that rose above the marauder’s shoulder. In a flash, a balisong knife came down into the monster’s throat.

Blue blood spurted out as the marauder clawed at its attacker, but they just ran the blade deeper in. As the marauder fell to its knees, Shepard ripped his crud tool from its flesh.

“Shepard!” A bittersweet feeling tangoed in Kaidan's heart, “What are you doing here?!” He was happy to see the teen one more time but wanted nothing more than to know he was somewhere safe.

Fiery blue eyes looked at him and reached a hand down to him, “You can’t get rid of me that easily, K! Get up!” Kaidan grabbed his hand and was pulled to his feet just as more reaper troops turned their attention to them. Shepard pulled them down behind some cover and peered out, “We need to get to that light, right?” He had to almost yell to be heard over the sounds of combat raging on.

“I have to go there, not you!” Shepard going out in the fray was exactly what he didn’t want. 

But then those mean eyes glared at him, “I’m not letting you do this alone!”

“Shepard-”

Two hands snatched him by the collar of his shirt and pulled. It took him a moment to process the harsh push of lips against his as Shepard pulled him into an aggressive kiss. Not a sexy aggressive, more of an “our mouths hit a little too hard” aggressive. All things considered, it was a very tamed kiss, just a harsh push of their mouths, rough and desperate. Almost like the other was inexperienced with the act or just too desperate to care.

So, once Kaidan realized what was happening, he slowly rose a hand and clapped it over the two Shepard had white-knuckled in his collar. When their skin met, he felt the lines of tension in Shepard ease, and the kiss turned into a soft touch with far more warmth and care.

Slowly, Shepard pulled back and Kaidan looked at him with warm eyes. Unraveling his fingers from Kaidan’s shirt, Shepard quickly let go as a bright red colored his cheeks and he looked bashfully away, “I just saw you almost get killed. I don't give a shit what you say, we do this together.” Shepard’s words were quiet, yet Kaidan could still hear them above the sound of gunfire. He watched as Shepard turned around and spotted a fallen Alliance soldier. He walked over and picked up their M-8 Avenger assault rifle. With practiced hands, he opened the ammo chamber and popped out the overheated thermal clip. He reached down and retrieved a new one scattered from the fight and reloaded the weapon.

_He didn’t learn that on the street._

With the gun reloaded, those eyes looked to him, “Ready?”

He wanted to say no, sit Shepard down and finish this alone as he planned. But he knew that look in his eyes, there would be no stopping him. He walked over to the same body and retrieved the soldier’s M-3 Predator pistol from his belt and looked to Shepard, “Ready.” And with that, they left their cover.

Reaper troops began firing at them almost immediately. But with their newfound weapons, they made quick work of them as they ran. Shots fired off from the left and right, but Kaidan kept their barriers strong. From the corner of his eye, he watched as Shepard dispatched the enemy forces with deadly efficacy. The way he handled the weapon like it was a third arm wasn’t something a street rat knew how to do. Shepard wasn’t working off knowledge right now, he was moving from muscle memory.

“Kaidan, get down!” 

He ducked his head on Shepard’s word and heard the scream of husk beside him as his partner put them down. As Kaidan looked back up he saw a group of cannibals raising their weapon at Shepard’s blind spot, “Shepard, your six!” The other ducked low as Kaidan threw a warp to the small group and watched as his biotics began to shred them. Neither of them spent time patting each other's backs on their amazing teamwork. They simply continued to sprint for the conduit.

They were only a couple hundred meters now. So close, it was practically at their fingertips. Then the ground shook like an earthquake. Buildings fell and the howls of reaper troops rose above the chaos. Kaidan looked over to see a Reaper land right behind the conduit. Its body toward the cityscape as its red eye spotted them. It moved its pointed legs closer to their location. In its crawl towards them, it knocked an entire building to rubble like a tower of blocks. The reminisce of the building came crashing down around them.

“Kaidan, watch out!” A strong hand wrapped around his arm and pulled him from the path of falling chunks of drywall and brick. He stumbled on his feet, but didn’t fall, “Come on, Kaidan! Keep running!” He did as Shepard said and began to move his feet once more. 

The hand around his arm left and Kaidan looked to Shepard, but it wasn’t the boy from earlier. No, the person running next to him with their face illuminated by the conduit's light was older. Not much older, maybe early 20s as best. He was taller, still a bit too wiry in his limbs, but his shoulders were filled out more. A boy in the middle of growing. He wore a pair of combat pants tucked into Alliance grade boots. The short-sleeve shirt he had tucked into his pants read “Interplanetary Combatives Academy”, N1 was written on his sleeve.

The young man ran with his head held high and eyes focused on their destination ahead. Kaidan briefly looked down at himself and noticed he had changed too. He no longer wore his BAat uniform, now he was wearing his Alliance one. On his sleeve marked the rank of private.

A large slab of concrete blocked their path, far too tall to simply vault over. Shepard ran up to it and braced his back against the slab. He quickly laced his fingers together and waited. No instructions were given as Kaidan ran up to him and placed his foot in Shepard's hands. He felt the other boosted him from below. Kaidan reached out and pulled himself effortlessly onto the concrete. A loud boom echoed around them as the glass from the building shattered. Glass rained down from above as Kaidan turned around and reached a hand to Shepard. He pulled him up as the cry of husk screeched behind them.

They both turned around and saw the encroaching hoard mear feet from their faces. Blue energy sparked around Kaidan’s hands as he brought a biotic fist down. Rippling energy sparked along the ground knocking many off their feet. But more approached. He saw Shepard pull back his arm and there was an orange light. As Shepard’s arm came back around, a bright omni blade spun from his wrist. He sliced it into the neck of a husk as another grabbed for him. It was the last action the monster would take as Shepard effortlessly flung his blade from one neck to the other.

The orange light highlighted Shepard features and Kaidan saw the young man from before was gone once more. The alliance recruit was now replaced with another young man, far more built than the last. His shoulders were filled out as he sported old alliance armor. His features had become sharp and the curve of his brow was stern. But he saw the start of laugh lines around the corner of his mouth, the soft edge of his eyes. He was maybe in his mid-twenties, the rank of Lieutenant marked his shoulder. If Kaidan guessed, he’d say it was Shepard back during the Skyllian Blitz, before he was brought onto the Normandy. Time seemed to be quite literally passing them by.

As the other husk approached, Kaidan gave one last blast that cleared their path. They both wasted no time and ran. Enemy screams and Alliance battle commands echoed around them. They jumped over fallen buildings and bodies as they dodged the dangers flying towards their heads. With their enemies’ attention split between them and the fighting Alliance troops, they were able to make ground. Shepard shot his rifle like the grand marksmen he was while Kaidan sent enemies flying into the shadows. They worked in perfect unison like every time before. The battle was starting to seem less one-sided. Then the Reaper gave a cry that was followed by a sweep of its red beam.

Kaidan grabbed at Shepard’s armor and yanked them both from its destructive path. Both of them stumbled away as the beam licked at their feet, just narrowly avoiding its blistering heat. Not letting it slow them down, they regained their footing and kept running, navigating the uneven ground. The sound of the Reaper’s bean charging once more rose above the chaos.

A towering figure in the distance caught Kaidan’s eye. It loomed over the city as they ducked low to avoid a ravager’s rocket. It was Big Ben. Concrete fell around them as the Reaper moved its legs once more. The ravager gave a cry as Shepard shot its bloated sacks and it fell. Kaidan hardly noticed the swarmers Shepard was stomping on as he whipped his head to the side. He looked to the ruble streets. It was almost hard to tell one war zone from another, but Kaidan could. Mainly because he could never forget what the streets of London looked like when he first went there.

He didn’t spend long on looking at the change of scenery, they were almost there. As they ran towards it, the light from the conduit washed all colors away. They were just a few yards from the end. Then the red eye of the Reaper flashed behind the conduit like a bad omen. It looked directly at them and gave its deafening cry.

All other sounds seemed to wash away as its scream filled the air and sparkes flashed around the cannon. The red beam followed only a second after and came shooting at them. Everything moved in slow motion as they tried running from its path. The ground tore up around them as large chunks of Earth and rubble flew into the air. The force of the blast knocked them off their feet. The heat from the beam singed Kaidan’s skin. The world went deaf as he felt himself fly through the air. Then it all went black as he hit the ground.

“...dian! Ka…” Muffled sounds rang in his ear as he tried to open his eyes. He saw smoke and ash flutter in the air as a blur in front of him slowly came into focus, “Kaidan, get up.”

It was Shepard. But not just any Shepard, his Shepard. Wearing his full N7 armor with his aged features and slight wrinkles around the eyes. There was a splatter of blood on his face along with an abstract pattern of cuts and dust. He shook Kaidan’s shoulders, “Come on, K! We need to move.”

But he couldn’t move. He tried to take a breath in and felt a sharp pain spike through his chest. He couldn’t move his leg and was sure his arm was broken. He couldn’t move, but behind Shepard, he saw it, the conduit. He wasn’t far from it, John could make it, “Go-” He coughed as copper filled his mouth and he gave a rough wheeze in, “Go, John. You can make it. You can-” Another wheezed cough ripped through his form as pain threatened to pull him under.

“No, Kaidan, we do this together.” Shepard reached down and began to pull him forward.

“No, just-” As Shepard lifted him, every muscle in Kaidan screamed in defiance. He used every ounce of strength to raise his hand which found perch on Shepard’s cheek, “You can make it. Please, just leave me behind.”

Shining blue eyes, ones so different from the youth’s eyes he looked into just hours ago, yet the same in so many ways burrowed into him. In the deep cadence Kaidan knew so well, Shepard spoke softly, “No, not again.”

_Not again?_

With that Shepard pulled Kaidan up and warped his arm around his waist, practically carrying all his weight. Kaidan fought back the tendrils of black pulling at his vision.

_No, I’m going with him this time._

With a shot of adrenaline, Kaidan pushed on past the pain crippling his bones. He planted his feet firmly to the ground. Using Shepard as his crutch, they marched. Marched as the shots of Alliance and foes fired aggressively at one another. Marched as the yell of the Reaper got louder. Marched as the red beam of the Reaper’s gun sparked to life.

Everything else drained away as the conduit’s beam shone in front of them. Kaidan saw its shimmering light a mere foot from his face. Shepard’s grip on him tightened, “You with me, Kaidan?” The warm voice washed over him like a cool balm.

“Till the end.” They both reached a hand out as the light engulfed them.

☆

“...adan!”

There was a siren in his ear.

“Kaida…..!”

It washed out all other sounds around him.

“Get medical evac alerted!”

Lights hit his eyes in blurry shapes and moving figures.

“His EKG is off the chart!”

The muffled screams of voices danced around him as images became more defined.

“Get an AED over here!”

There was a pounding in his head that pulsed black around his distorted vision, but one thing seemed to be clear.

_Where’s Shepard?_

He blinked the light away to try and investigate. There was a purple blur above him. It almost seemed familiar.

“Hang in there, Kaidan! I’m right here.” The blur’s voice was so nice, so familiar, but too far for him to grasp. Something was pulling at him. He moved his eyes. There was another blur, not familiar, pulling at his chest. He ignored them.

_Where is he?_

“EEG is spiking!”

“Get the gurney in here!”

He turned his head. There were so many figures it was hard to make out one from the other. But he could see him. He didn’t know exactly how he knew it, everything was all still blurry, but he knew.

_Shepard._

Willing everything he had, he reached an arm out to him.

_I need to get to Shepard._

Another hand brought his back, “It’s alright, Kaidan, we’re getting you both help.”

_Help? No, I need to get to him._

He went to reach out again.

“He’s crashing! Get that AED on him! I want him in the med wing ASAP!” A swarm of blurs encompassed Shepard’s form as the black ate away at Kaidan’s vision.

“Shepar-” Cotton filled his mouth as his vision swam.

“Contact Huerta for emergency arrival!”

“Kaidan?” 

He felt his consciousness slowly slipping.

“Kaidan!” That was the last thing he heard before the dark pulled him under.

☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! This was the chapter I was the most excited to post out of them all! I hope you all enjoyed it! Though we still have one more chapter to go!
> 
> Thank you to everyone for leaveing kudos and comments! I really enjoy reading your feedback!  
> I'll see you all for the last chapter next Wednesday!


	11. Epilogue: Hospital Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue: After surviving the deadly simmulation, the boys find themselves safe once more.

  
“I brought you a treat.”  
  
“Does it involve a stripper pole and booty shorts?”  
  
“No, Shepard.” Kaidan couldn’t help but roll his eyes, though he felt a smile tug at his lips, “Here.” He handed him a nicely wrapped box.  
  
He watched as Shepard opened its lid with a slight tremor to his fingers. It took longer than it should have, but Kaidan didn’t say anything. When the lid came loose, a small decorative cake was revealed. Shepard smiled, “My my, Major, what’s the occasion? Did Grunt finally get unbanned from that bar on the presidium?”  
  
Kaidan laughed, “No, still not allowed within a 100-meter radius. It’s um, it’s for your birthday.”  
  
Shepard’s eyes grew wide, “It’s my birthday?”  
  
“No, uh. You actually missed it.”  
  
“Oh.” He looked momentarily lost, a bit shocked really.  
  
“But, I mean, it’s never too late for some cake right?”  
Shepard gave an enduring smile, “You won’t find me turning down free cake, K.”  
  
Kaidan smiled and opened the pack of hospital grade forks he grabbed earlier. He looked at the tremble in Shepard’s hand and decided to keep the utensil, “Hand it here, I’ll feed it to you.”  
  
Shepard gave a winded laugh, “Is that a romantic gesture or a solution to the trembling hand?” Shepard raised his right hand in the air where it steadily moved. His left was still gauzed up in a cast.  
  
A sad feeling pooled in Kaidan’s heart, but he still smiled, “Why can’t it be both?”  
  
Shepard leaned back in his hospital bed after handing the dessert over, “I’ll try not to complain too much. After all, I'm getting fed in my bed by the hottest nurse on the citadel. I’m living every man’s dream.”  
  
Kaidan took a chunk of cake with the fork and brought it to Shepard’s mouth, “I’m not your nurse. Just your boyfriend trying to give you something better than the protein paste they call food here.”  
  
Shepard took the bite and gave a pleased hum, “Way better than the protein paste, but to be honest most things are.”  
  
The next bite went to Kaidan who gave his own hum of approval. The asari working the bakery made a good call on the chocolate. When Kaidan went to give Shepard another bite, he saw the other looking at him intensely with hooded eyes, “What’s wrong?”  
  
Shepard shook his head, “Nothing.” And ate the cake offered to him.  
  
Kaidan took the next bite and they sat there in a pleasant silence sharing the sweet dessert between them.  
  
After a few moments, Shepard spoke up, “I must be the luckiest guy in the galaxy to get a boyfriend like you. Bringing me a cake for my belated birthday and feeding it to me too.”  
  
Kaidan gave a small laugh as he brought another bite to Shepard’s mouth, “It’s just cake, Shepard. Besides, it’s the least I can do. After all, it’s thanks to you that cake still exists.”  
  
“It was a team effort! There’s no way I could have saved all the baked goods of the galaxy by myself.” A breathy laugh passed his lips as Shepard happily accepted the bite. Through a mouth full of cake and a smile, he spoke, “But you know I’m serious? I must have the best boyfriend in the whole universe.”  
  
Kaidan felt him smile grow, “If all this flattery is just so I’ll bring you more cake, then you can just ask.” He looked up to see Shepard giving him that look again. An intense one, but there was a small smile on his lips. Kaidan reached a hand out and covered Shepard’s. Their fingers intertwined, “What’s wrong?”  
  
Shepard seemed to snap out of his stupor a bit, “Nothing! I’m fine. I mean-” He looked down at their laced hands, “There was something.”  
  
“I can go get the doctor if yo-”  
  
“No, nothing like that. I was, um, just thinking- well.” Kaidan watched as the great Commander Shepard fumbled with his words so uncharacteristically. Light from the window across the room illuminated the sharp angle of his features as he took a deep breath and looked Kaidan directly in the eyes, “Lately, I’ve been thinking maybe I want the best boyfriend in the universe to be something a little more than that.”  
  
Kaidan’s heart hammered against his chest, “What?”  
  
A red blush crept over the savior of the galaxy’s cheeks like he was a school kid confessing to his crush, “I was thinking maybe something a bit more permanent. Something more official, written in ink, or stone, or digitally coded, whatever they do. Just something a little more absolute.”  
  
A warmth filled Kaidan’s chest and he was sure his cheeks must have looked very similar to the commander’s, “Shepard, are you asking me to marry you?”  
  
Shepard’s hand held tight around his. He looked at him through thick eyelashes, “I mean, I don’t exactly have a ring to give you. I wanted to go pick one out, but Dr. Chakwas has got me under lock and key. I was gonna have Tali or Liara do it for me, but it felt weird not picking it out myself. I mean-” He related a heavy sigh and looked outside of the window, “I didn’t think I’d get a chance to ask. Didn’t think I’d lived long enough to.” Kaidan’s hand instinctively squeezed a little harder, “There was a long time when you and I danced around each other like two kids at prom, never getting more than arm's reach. I don’t want to do that anymore.” Blue eyes turned back to look at him, “Kaidan, I don’t know when I’m getting out of here, but I think about it a lot. And every time, I see you there. No matter what happens, from here on out, I want that to be written in the records. So yes, I'm asking you to marry me. What do you say?” Blue eyes shined back at him with an uncertainty so foreign on the commander's face. But Kaidan knew that uncertainty was ill found.  
  
There was no way the answer could be anything but yes. He set their treat aside and wrapped both hands around their clapped fingers. The tubes and medical equipment that became a fixed part of Shepard’s form seemed to dissipate and it was just them. Kaidan rested his head against their clasped hands. He felt on the verge of tears. Standing in the ruins of London saying their final goodbye, he never thought this would happen. That something he always hoped for would survive every obstacle to become reality, “John,” He felt the other squeeze his hand in response, “Of course I’ll marry you. There’s no one I’d rather spend the rest of my life with.” He heard the other release a loud breath he must have been holding back, “On one condition.”  
  
Shepard stilled under him and Kaidan looked up to see his look of surprise, maybe horror, “What is it?”  
  
Kaidan brought their hands to his lap and ran small circles into Shepard’s skin, “You have to get better so you can walk down the aisle to me.” A huge grin grew over Shepard’s face that crinkled his eyes as he gave a dry laugh.  
  
“You have yourself a deal, K. Just you watch, I’ll be running laps around the altar.”  
  
Kaidan gave a watery laugh, trying to keep his happiness in check, “Don’t push yourself too much, Chakwas will have my head.”  
  
“It’s too late,” Shepard freed his hand and reached for Kaidan’s neck, “I’m already planning on how to get Garrus to break me out for training.”  
  
“Great, she's gonna execute me before we can even pick out rings.” Shepard pulled him forward and brought their heads together.  
  
He gave Kaidan a big smile. In a hushed whisper, Shepard’s soft breath touched his lip, “I love you, Kaidan.”  
  
He felt the corners of his mouth pull up, “I love you too, John.”  
  
The feeling of chapped lips pushed against his in a gentle warmth. Kaidan leaned into it as the scene around him seemed to grow hazy.  
  
Light from the window grew bright, a soft sound foreign to the scene reached his ears.  
  
“Kai...” A voice, quiet and light, trailed off to nowhere.  
  
“Kaidan?” A light seemed to shake him as the reminisces of the happy scene faded to nothing.  
  
“Are you awake?”  
  
Kaidan opened his eyes to a dim room. A window with the blinds closed held back a light outside that cast thin strips of sun rays along the surfaces. A lean figure stood in front of it with a soft hand on his shoulder. They were holding a bouquet of flowers.  
  
Kaidan blinked a few more times till the last of his sleep fell away and he saw the warm face of Liara staring back at him.  
  
_A dream. No... a memory._  
  
“Kaidan, you’re awake.” Liara’s shining eyes were cast in a shadow by the dimmed room as she placed the flowers on a table by his head. Kaidan jostled a bit.  
  
“Liara? Where am I?” His voice was rough as he went to inspect his surroundings but stopped when a sharp pain ripped through his head. A pounding headache punched against his skull.  
  
“It’s alright, Kaidan, you're safe. You and Shepard are at Huerta Memorial Hospital on the Citadel.”  
  
“Shepard?” He felt his heart drop, he remembered now. The reaper ship, the simulation, the conduit, “Shepard! Where-”  
  
He gave a small groan as the pain in his head increased tenfold and Liara’s hand sat gently on his shoulder once more, “It’s alright. Shepard’s okay, sleeping soundly.” She looked over him to the other side of the room with a smile. He followed her eyes to another bed a few feet from his. There was a lump on it. The sheets covering it rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern. The sound of loud snoring slowly filtered to his ears that matched the up and down motion of the sheets, “I don’t know how you sleep at night with a snore like that.” Kaidan was so used to it by now, he hardly noticed.  
  
He let the tension in his body deflate and felt the full force of the pounding in his head. He looked to Liara, “What about Tali?”  
  
“She’s fine. Her team and the ones you traveled with rushed you both here after they got the program to shut down. She’s with Alliance command giving a brief now.”  
  
“And I’m guessing you came when you heard we showed up at the hospital.”  
  
She gave him a warm smile, “Please, Kaidan. I learned about what happened before your transport even landed. I met Tali here when her team docked. She filled me in while the doctors attended to you two.”  
  
“What’s the damage?” He didn’t even want to think about all the nasty side effects of a reaper simulation.  
  
“Nothing lasting. Doctors said you might have frequent headaches the next few days, but it should pass.”  
  
“What about Shepard?”  
  
“Much the same. The large amount of tech in his body made pulling him from the simulation a more jarring experience, but he’s expected to make a full recovery.” A wave a relief washed over him, “Though they’re going to keep you both here for a few more days under observation to see if there’s any lasting effect.”  
  
“Of course they are.” Guess it was back to shitty hospital food for them.  
  
Liara gave him a sweet smile, “You should rest. I’ll go inform the doctor you’re awake and talking, but you should probably try to sleep some more. If you can, despite the snoring.”  
  
He gave a dry laugh that only made his head hurt more, “I’ll see what I can do. Thanks, Liara.”  
  
“Of course.” With that, she walked out of sight. He took one last breath in and turned his head back to the figure snoring loudly next to him. There was nothing graceful or endearing about it. Just a loud as hell snore that could give the engine of a broken Mako a run for its money. Yet, it was a sound that brought an immense amount of relief to Kaidan.  
  
☆  
  
“Come on Shepard, really? Just admit this whole thing was a giant scheme to get out of going to the formal events during the Anniversary celebrations. I mean, “Reaper simulation” that’s not even original. I hear that excuse at least twice a week.”  
  
Shepard gave a laugh, “You’re right, Garrus. Next time I’ll go with rachni ate my grandmother.”  
  
The turian pointed a talon at him, “I like it. Garners sympathy from all the grandchildren in the galaxy and we’re the only ones who’ve really seen the rachni. They can’t prove you wrong. It’s the perfect crime.”  
  
“Okay, slow down. You're gonna have to go through this one more time, Sparks.” James shook his head, “So like, the reapers would kidnap species and fill their head with tech so they could throw them into these simulations to kill them?”  
  
Tali shook her head, “Not necessarily kill them. It was to observe cultural and biological costumes in order to better understand a species as a whole.”  
  
“And then it would kill them?”  
  
“Not exactly. It would target hostile memories and recreate them with varying elements in order to test a species' limitations.”  
  
“Which would kill them?” James looked at Tali with an eyebrow raised.  
  
“Kind of, it would make them comatose.”  
  
“Which is pretty much dead?”  
  
Tali gave a sigh, “Yes.”  
  
“And you two got stuck in it?!” James turned his eyes to them.  
  
Shepard finished off the last of his pudding cup that came with their shitty lunch while Kaidan sat on a chair next to his bed. They looked to one another and he saw the corners of Shepard’s mouth pull in a big smile.  
  
Kaidan sighed, “I mean, if you think about it, who else would end up getting themselves into a situation like that?”  
  
“Hey!” Shepard said in protest as he heard the laughter of their friends fill their small hospital room.  
  
“Add it to the list of impossible things Commander Shepard has done.” Liara laughed.  
  
“See, this is why you shouldn’t have retired, Shepard. Even when you’re not active duty you still get involved in the wildest scenarios. Just imagine what you’d do if you were still working the field.” Garrus shook his head.  
  
Tali scoffed, “We don’t have to imagine, we lived it for years! Don’t you remember the whole clone debacle?!”  
  
“I remember someone falling through a fish tank?” Garrus looked over to Shepard.  
  
“You weren’t even there for that!”  
  
“I didn’t have to be, it was all over the news.”  
  
“But, wait, so like if they died in the simulation, then they would die in real life?”  
  
Tali gave another sigh, “A death in the summation triggered the kill sequence for the subject, yes.”  
  
“But like, wouldn’t it have been more efficient to, you know, keep running the simulation instead of killing subjects off? Like, your killing off assets, doesn't that seem a little wasteful?” James scrunched his face in confusion.  
  
“Not kill, brain dead. We have a running theory that the subjects, even with reaper augmentations, couldn’t survive long in the simulation. A week or so at best. So it was best to put them in a comatose state before the strain of the simulation killed them off completely. That way they could still work with living tissue staples for DNA research.”  
  
“That’s sick.” Liara crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
“They never stop surprising us in the worst ways, huh?” Garrus shook his head.  
  
“It’s like the plot to a bad movie from the 2000s.” James scoffed.  
  
Kaidan rolled his eyes. Then their little party’s attention was pulled to the door of the room as it slid open, “Okay, visiting hours are over. Time to let the commander and major get some rest.” It was one of the doctors, a salarian.  
  
“Come on, doc, look at them. They’re practically ready to save the galaxy a second time.” Garrus gestured to Shepard who gave the doctor a big smile and wink. The doctor looked unimpressed.  
  
“Sorry Mr.Vakarian, my patients, my rules. The commander’s only been awake a few hours and we need to run some follow-ups.” The crew seemed to take the hint and gathered their things.  
  
James gave a sigh, “My shore leave's been extended due to the Anniversary coming up. You guys think you’ll be discharged by then. I think we could all use a drink after hearing a story like that.”  
  
Their doctor gave James the side eye while Shepard laughed, “Let’s hope so.” With a wave, he left the room.  
  
Tali and Liara stepped closer and Kaidan exchanged huge with the both of them, “I’ll send you two the full file of the reaper simulation and our findings once Kal and Lemma finish their reports.” Tali put her hands on her hips, “Really, I never expected our little recon mission to go so off the rails.”  
  
“That’s pretty on-brand for us.” Shepard gave her a warm smile.  
  
“Why does our brand have to be so chaotic?” She shook her head and went to the door, “Talk to you guys soon.”  
  
“I hope she’ll be able to make it out the front door without too many paparazzi swarming her.” Liara watched as she went.  
  
“Is it bad?” Kaidan didn’t want to think about the amount of people hospital staff were beating back with sticks right now.  
  
She sighed, “The great Commander Shepard and Major Alenko being rushed to the hospital a week before the Anniversary has got people up in arms.” He looked to Shepard who looked to him with a distasteful look. Neither of them wanted to put up with that right now. Liara gave a small laugh, “Don’t worry, I’ll see what I can do. I’m sure there are some strings I can pull. Rest up in the meantime.” She gave them a smile and headed for the door.  
  
Garrus walked up and shook Kaidan’s hand. He then leaned down to Shepard, “Now, just let me know when you need a breakout. I’ll grab Grunt and Jake and we’ll have you two out of here before C-sec can figure out where the blond krogan went.” A rough cough from their doctor clearing her throat had Garrus standing back up, “And that’s why you should listen to your doctor and focus solely on recovering.” He gave a wink, then walked out the room.  
  
Kaidan heard their doctor sigh, “How are you both feeling?”  
  
“Great! Food could have been a bit better.” Shepard put his tray of half-eaten “lasagna” on the table beside his bed.  
  
“That’s good to hear. Major?”  
  
“Fine, nothing more than some lingering pain around the amp.”  
  
A light scanned both of them from the doctor’s omni tool, “That’s to be expected. From what we can tell, your bodies were put under immense strain when you were pulled into the simulation. There was minor damage to both of your augmentations. You’ll have to go into surgery to get them repaired, but we’d like to wait a few months to see how much of it recovers naturally.” The scan stopped as the doctor looked over her screen, “Your vitals are looking good. Brain activity is back to normal along with heart rate and blood pressure.” She closed her screen and smiled, “These are promising results.  
  
Shepard smiled, “Does that mean we’ll get out of here soon.”  
  
“Well-”  
  
“Oh no,” Shepard looked to him, “Kaidan, that’s never a good sign.”  
  
Their doctor gave a winded breath that may have been interpreted as a laugh, “Spend today resting. Tomorrow we’ll run some neural tests and see what happens. I’m going to go and show our senior neurologist your brain scans real quick. She’s been assigned your case. I’ll be back shortly.” They gave their doctor a wave as she left the room. Shepard released a heavy sign as they took in the now quiet area. It was the first time they’d been alone since they’d woken up.  
  
After Kaidan woke up, he had a small team of doctors quietly drug him with pain meds and take every vital he had. Then he sat in a mostly silent room as Liara walked around trying to find space for all the flowers that had already been delivered to them. She gave him a brief rundown of how they got there and what had happened. Then they silently sat together going through the mountain of messages that began to flood his omni tool as word got out they were in the hospital.  
  
He sent a quick message to his mother that he would call her later and that they were both fine. He laughed at the angry message Jack sent them as she ranted about kicking their assess as soon as she killed whoever sent them to the hospital. Too late for that, they killed them 5 years ago. He replied to Cortez’s worried inquiries along with Joker’s, Miranda’s, and Treynor’s. He also replied to the less worried Wrex, Grunt, and Javik who seemed more interested in how they ended up there than how they were doing.  
  
They were a good hour in when Tali walked in. She sat down and fussed over him which made him smile. It had to only have been about 30 min after that when Shepard finally started stirring. He got the same treatment as Kaidan did as doctors filled the room and asked question after question. During the commotion, Garrus and James had shown up. Garrus was already en route to the Citadel for preparation for the Anniversary celebrations while James was there for shore leave and heard the news.  
  
Once the doctor's cleared out, Tali began telling them the whole story of what they found and what happened. Kaidan and Shepard only shared the sparse details, they were at Jump Zero, they were in a city, there were gangs, there were reapers. The more intimate details, the rough and gritty ones, they kept to themselves. After everything was said and done, that’s where they found themselves now. Finally alone.  
  
“What an experience.” Kaidan looked to Shepard who was sitting in his bed leaning back comfortably, “Not exactly the one I was expecting or would recommend, but an experience nonetheless.”  
  
Kaidan gave a huffed laugh, “So does that mean you remember all of it?”  
  
Shepard’s hand found his and squeezed, “Scared I’m going to forget you again?”  
  
Kaidan sighed, “If anyone ever wants to know what it’s like to have your husband suddenly forget who you are and threaten to lay you out, well boy do I have a story to tell then.”  
  
Shepard’s grip got tighter around his hand, “Ya, I’m, uh I’m sorry about that.” There were no light tones of humor in his voice.  
  
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not exactly mad or anything. It was-” It was what? How was he supposed to end that sentence? It was awful. Walking around a crumbling city with druggies and criminals in every corner and knowing full well this was the life Shepard lived through, survived through. Or was it more enlightening? Learning the truth and being a part of it in some way. Getting a new perspective of the man he’s dedicated his life to. Or maybe it was just scary. Being forgotten and not knowing if he’d be able to protect the scrappy kid he cared so much about. It was probably all of those things.  
  
“K, I-” Shepard cut himself off and ran his free hand over his shaved scalp, “I know I’ve never told you much about my time growing up. I should of-”  
  
“Shepard, it's fine.”  
  
“It's not fine. I-" Shepard gave a big sigh. With their friends gone and a serene quiet filling the room, the exhaustion began to show around Shepard's eyes, "What I'm trying to say is, I wish I had told you."  
  
"Shepard-"  
  
"Kaidan," Shepard gave his hand a tug and a lopsided smile, "This has been a long time coming. Please, let me get this off my chest."  
  
Kaidan held his tongue and gave him a small nod.  
  
He watched Shepard take a deep breath in, "I always wanted to tell you. You were always so open when telling me about your experience at BAat and I wanted to do the same with you. It's just-" Another sigh, "You saw who I was, how I acted. It's not something I like to bring up. I did a lot of things I regret, a lot I'm not proud of." Shepard got quiet, lost in the bitter memories from that neon city.  
  
Meanwhile, Mac’s face popped into Kaidan's mind. With his feral snarl and vicious attitude. With his scared eyes and youthful face. A boy that became the victim of a cruel game of survival. Was he something Shepard regretted? Something he wasn't proud of? “What really happened?” Shepard gave him a side glance, “What happened with Mac?”  
  
Shepard freed his hand from their entwined fingers and raised it to his temple where an aged scare cut across his brow, “That first encounter, the one in the back alley where his thugs had me pinned. They beat the shit out of me.” Kaidan’s heart hammered in his chest.  
  
_I wasn’t there to stop it._  
  
“But I didn’t have the package on me and then the police showed up. That scattered them and I pulled myself together long enough to get away. I was bloodied and bruised and grinning from ear to ear. I laid low a few days to lick my wounds then went to Val with the drugs. I spilled on what Mac did and that was my ticket into the Reds. From that point on, I ran with them till, well, I got out.”  
  
“What happened to Mac?”  
  
Shepard’s expression turned grim, “Don’t know. You don’t follow up on questions like that, Kaidan. You’ll always regret the answer.” Shepard shook his head back and forth, “And he wasn’t the only I tore down to get a leg up.”  
  
There was a long silence as they both let the weight of his words seep in. Regrets two decades old finally brought into the light left the room cold and quiet. Yet they sparked a question that's answer would change the course of history, “When did it change?” This time, Shepard turned his head to look at him. Those sparkling blue eyes made Kaidan think about the hell that was that city with its dark shadows and dangerous alleys. The galaxy gave Shepard every reason to hate it, but none had given more to save it than him. So when did it all change? When did the self-serving boy become a selfless man? “When did you stop fighting for survival and start fighting for the galaxy?”  
  
Shepard looked lost. Much like the young boy sitting at his kitchen table, but words finally came, “It didn’t start out that way” Shepard gave another sigh, “I just wanted out. For a _long_ time, I just wanted to get as far away as I could. I saw what those streets did to people and I knew I had to get away before it was too late. That's why I joined the Alliance, they promised me a way out. And when I got to basic training, I realized no one knew who I was, what I’d done, or where I came from. At that moment, I knew I could be anyone. And I wanted to be anybody but me.”  
  
A nostalgic smile pulled at Shepard’s lips, “It wasn’t a clean transition. I had to learn _a lot_. I had to learn what it meant to work as a team, to trust your companions, to look out for other people. It didn't happen overnight and it wasn't graceful, but I got there and I was better for it. So much better that I renounced Johnny and buried him in the past.” There was a quiet moment as Kaidan watched Shepard run a hand down his face in exhaustion. Maybe it was the medicine kicking in, maybe it was the weight of the past, “Somewhere along the way, I decided fighting for others was a better way to live than fighting for myself.”  
  
Kaidan couldn’t help but smile. Life is full of hard lessons, but some are bittersweet, “Shepard.” The other looked at him and Kaidan retrieved his hand, “You're truly a remarkable man.” Everybody has things in their past that weighed heavy on them, regrets and shame. But at the end of the day, you can’t change it, you can only grow from it. And there’s no one who’s grown as much as John Shepard.  
  
Shepard raised an eyebrow, “Look who's talking?" Shepard gave a dry smile, "I should have told you a lot sooner. I’ll be honest, that wasn’t my preferred way of you learning about where I grew up.”  
  
Kaidan gave a small laugh, “Ya, I would have preferred to learn about it over a beer sitting on the back porch or something. Reliving the whole endeavor with the added bonus of reapers shooting at us was a bit much.”  
  
“Who would have guessed the mission would go so sideways?" Shepard gave his shoulder a comedic shrug then his smile turned genuine, "Thanks by the way.” Shepard pivoted his body and brought a hand up to Kaidan’s cheek, “For getting me out.”  
  
“Of course. Hackett does send me on these missions for a reason. You're accident-prone, remember?”  
  
“Ugh.” Shepard leaned in close, “I’d argue but I’m starting to think you guys are right.”  
  
“Of course we’re right, but it’s okay.” Kaidan took his hands and bordered Shepard’s face, but this time there was no snarling youth staring back, “Cause you’ve got me to watch your back.”  
  
Shepard gave a big smile, “I know.” When their lips met this time it was a sweet and familiar feeling. A warm collide of a mouth Kaidan’s spent years mapping. It wasn’t rushed or desperate like the one before, it was just soft, tender, and tasted a little like hospital pudding. It was perfect in every regard and Kaidan knew he’d fight everything the galaxy threw at him to make sure he’d get to experience it every day.  
  
☆  
  
_Bonus_

  


A beep from Shepard’s omni tool interrupted their tender moment. It was a message notification. Shepard looked down and opened it.  
  
“Oh no.”  
  
His stomach dropped, “What?”  
  
“Grunt and Jack just showed up. Look.”  
  
Kaidan looked at the screen and saw a photo of a blurry turian eye in the bottom left corner. Behind that was Grunt holding a fire extinguisher in one hand and a leather jacket in the other. Meanwhile, Jack was putting on a fake mustache and sunglasses. The picture was from Garrus with the caption, “Look who just arrived. Operation free the pyjak is a go.”  
  
“Oh no. The last time they tried something like this C-sec had to hose Grunt down with riot foam while Kasumi snuck into the Citadel Tower to return the asari counselor’s credit chit.”  
  
“In their defense, it would have been an amazing plan if Garrus hadn't sneezed.”  
  
Kaidan rolled his eyes, “How did this group ever manage to save the galaxy?”  
  
“I mean, who knew turians could even sneeze? That’s the kind of intel you need before breaking into a hospital.”  
  
Kaidan laughed, “You’re ridiculous.”  
  
“What? Let’s be honest, if I came up with the plan, we would have known turian’s could sneeze and it would have gone great!”  
  
“Like how your plan to throw a surprise birthday party for Miranda went so great.”  
  
“I thought that list of people she had on her omni tool were friends!”  
  
“Miranda doesn't have friends.”  
  
“Which should have been the first clue that the list was actually the names of people who had placed a bounty on her head. You learn every day.”  
  
“You’re an idiot. People don’t even realize the galaxy was saved by an idiot.”  
  
“Kaidan, you can’t say that while laughing. It doesn't come off as sincere at all.” Another beep pinged on his omni tool, “Another message from Garrus.”  
  
“That can’t be good.”  
  
“He’s asking if we still keep the screaming husk head at the apartment. See, this is what I’m talking about. Bailey confiscated that after the hanar incident. This is intel they should have before planning a heist.” There was another beep from Shepard’s omni tool, “Oh never mind, they said they’re going to use Tali’s drone instead.”  
  
“Oh geez, here we go again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! Please let me know what you think. I know my grammar and typos could always be improved, but let me know if there was anything else you'd like to see improved or explored. What parts could use work or better explanation? General questions? I'd like to hear it all. And if you'd like you can hit me up at pastelideas on tumblr.
> 
> Really, thank you all so much for reading! All the comments and kudos have been wonderful and I really appreciate the feedback! ♡

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!  
> I know this chapter was more set up and didn't go too much into the actual plot. Nonetheless, I hope you all enjoyed it and I promise things will start kicking off in Ch.2!  
> Please let me know if I've made any mistakes. I try to catch them all, but I never do. See you next Wednesday!


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